TOO  MUCH  BROTHER=IN=UW 


BY 

ADAM    J.    BURKE 

LOS  ANGELES,  GAL. 


UBftx^x 

OF  THE 

UNIVERSITY 

- 


PRESS  OF  THE 
TIMES-MIRROR   PRINTING  AND 

BINDING   HOUSE 
LOS   ANGELES,  CAL. 


COPYRIGHTED  1901 

BY 

ADAM  J.  BURKE 


This  Book  is  a  true  story  of   real  life.     Only 

the    names   of   people    and    places 

mentioned  herein  are  fictitious 


20677O4 


To  the  memory  of  my  beloved  mother, 

MARY  MIDDLETON  BURKE, 

this  book  is  dedicated. 


CHAPTER  I. 


The  morning  sun  had  just  commenced  to  send 
its  welcome  rays  over  the  Ox  mountains  into  the 
fertile  plains  below,  making  the  beautiful  landscape 
of  flowers  and  verdure  create  a  picture  only  seen  in 
the  Emerald  Isle,  when  Edmund  and  Matilda 
L'Estrange  decided  to  call  their  first  born  son  to 
make  ready  to  leave  the  beautiful  village  of  Coola- 
ney,  the  home  of  his  childhood,  to  take  the  Midland 
and  Great  Western  Railway  for  Dublin,  there  to 
enter  the  time-honored  institution  of  learning  and 
culture,  known  the  world  over  as  Trinity  College, 
Dublin. 

"  We  must  hurry  or  we  will  not  catch  the  ten 
o'clock,"  said  the  father.  "  Call  Abner  again  and 
get  him  ready  at  once,  for  if  we  are  late  for  the 
train,  it  will  be  a  sure  sign  his  life  will  be  full  of 
disappointments.  Dear,  do  stop  crying;  he  is  not 
going  away  for  ever,"  said  his  kind-hearted  father. 

"  Oh,  how  can  I  give  him  up,"  sobbed  his  fond, 
and  too-indulgent  mother,  for  she,  like  all  true 
mothers,  thought  the  one  now  about  to  leave  her 
was  the  dearest  of  them  all.  All  his  pranks  and 
faults  were  transformed  from  early  vice,  mischief 
and  villany  to  cute  and  boyish  tricks,  soon  to  be 
forgotten,  while  his  goodness  and  kindness  with  his 


6  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

smart  sayings  were  sandwiched  with  a  mother's 
love  and  stored  away  in  the  secret  archives  of  the 
maternal  core,  there  to  lie  until  some  day  they 
were  brought  out  and  repeated  to  his  younger  sis- 
ters and  brothers  to  enlighten  them,  just  as  mother 
earth  stores  the  sunshine  of  ages  in  her  bosom  there 
to  lie  in  darkness  until  resurrected  in  after  years 
to  give  light  to  her  children. 

"  Is  Abner  ready  ?  "  was  the  next  sound  heard  in 
the  old  hall  of  the  L'Estrange  domicile. 

"  Soon  will  be,"  said  his  sister  Olivia,  as  she 
with  sisterly  tenderness  and  love,  packed  his  grip 
for  his  first  start  in  life. 

All  now  ready,  Abner  kissed  his  sisters  and 
mother  good-bye,  shook  hands  with  his  brothers 
and  the  servants,  and  gave  his  pet  dog  a  farewell 
glance. 

"  Go  on,"  said  Jack  to  coal-black  Charlie,  and  as 
the  words  reached  the  horse's  ears,  he  sped  at  a 
twelve-mile  gait  on  to  the  station  which  was  just 
seven  miles  away.  Sitting  on  one  side  of  the  Irish 
jaunting  car,  his  father  on  the  other,  with  Jack  the 
driver  on  the  box,  Abner  looked  up  and  down  the 
valley  and  along  the  forest-clad  slopes,  bidding  his 
native  haunts  good-bye,  realizing  for  the  first  time 
how  he  loved  the  home  of  his  birth.  As  they  sped 
along  near  the  village,  over  a  macadamized  road, 
hedged  on  either  side  by  the  well-known  Irish 
White  Thorn,  which  was  in  full  blossom  and  sent 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  7 

forth  its  fragrance  on  the  fresh  morning  air,  nature 
seemed  to  smell  its  sweetest,  but  could  not  soothe 
the  aching  heart  or  stifle  the  mother's  and  sisters' 
cries  which  now  rang  more  loudly  in  Abner's  ears. 
Black  Charlie,  who  in  days  past  could  not  go  fast 
enough  for  Abner,  now  was  taking  him  at  too  quick 
a  gait  to  suit  his  youthful  master. 

"  Master,  look  at  the  clock,  we  made  the  seven 
miles  in  thirty-five  minutes.  We  will  have  twenty- 
five  minutes  to  wait,"  said  Jack,  as  he  pulled  up 
at  the  railway  station. 

All  now  got  off  except  Jack,  who  walked  the 
horse  up  and  down  to  keep  him  from  catching  cold. 
Abner  sat  on  the  wall  near  the  entrance,  while  his 
father  got  the  ticket  and  arranged  for  his  baggage, 
which,  by  the  way,  they  never  checked  in  Ireland 
or  England  then. 

It  was  marked  like  freight,  in  America,  and  all 
had  to  hunt  up  their  own  baggage  at  their  desti- 
nation. 

The  sun  was  now  well  up  over  the  mountain  top ; 
working  men  in  the  Middleton  &  Pollexfen  Mills, 
were  going  back  to  work  after  breakfast;  the  lark 
in  the  near-by  meadow  was  singing  his  morning  lay 
while  soaring  to  his  home  in  the  clouds ;  the  thrush, 
with  extended  beak,  was  sending  forth  his  best 
efforts  of  love  to  his  mate  sitting  on  her  brood  in  a 
laurel  tree  on  the  old  Mitchell  farm;  Robert  R. 
Hillas'  doves  were  cooing  while  eating  some  of 


8  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Middleton  &  Pollexfen's  wheat ;  the  deer  in  the 
Markree  Demesne  were  slumbering  under  the  trees 
in  peace,  and  all  nature  seemed  happy  and  at  home. 
In  the  midst  of  all,  Abner  was  still  sad  and  his  mind 
wandering.  He  was  sad,  for  he  was  leaving  all 
these  scenes  behind,  and  as  his  thoughts  were  turned 
backward  like  Bellamy's  book,  the  snorts  of  the  iron 
steed  could  be  plainly  heard  above  all  the  sweet 
cadence  of  nature.  Soon  the  steam  from  its  nos- 
trils could  be  seen  in  the  distance,  and  the  next 
moment,  it  pulled  up  at  the  Ballisodare  station,  puff- 
ing and  blowing  like  a  hunted  deer. 

"  All  aboard,"  was  the  next  cry. 

"  She  is  leaving,  Abner,"  said  his  father,  impa- 
tiently. 

"  No,  she  will  not  leave  until  old  Middleton 
comes,"  was  the  reply ;  "  she  will  wait  for  him." 

This  is  in  a  country  where  they  boast  all  are 
treated  alike  under  the  laws  of  travel.  Alas,  no; 
rank  and  the  gold  guinea  play  just  as  prominent  a 
part  as  in  this  land  of  ours  where  we  acknowledge 
some  go  Count,  Duke,  Duck,  and  Title-hunting, 
while  almost  all  worship  the  golden  calf  which 
Israel  had  made. 

Abner  now  sees  old  Middleton,  and  a  stooped, 
bow-legged  clerk  coming  along,  and  like  the  con- 
demned man,  knows  his  time  is  up,  bids  farewell 
to  his  father  and  Jack,  the  whistle  blows  and  away 
they  go.  This  is  Abner's  first  ride,  and  he  never 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  9 

before  had  seen  trees,  houses  and  animals  move  at 
such  a  pace.  Farms  and  houses  passed  him  so  he 
could  not  count  the  poles  that  held  the  wire  strings 
for  the  birds  to  perch  on. 

"  Coolooney  all  aboard,"  "  Ballymote  all  aboard," 
"  Mullingar  all  aboard,"  were  the  next  sounds  that 
greeted  Abner's  ears.  When  the  guard  on  the 
train  called  out  Mullingar,  someone  in  the  car 
repeated,  "  Beef  to  the  heels  like  a  Mullingar 
heifer."  Abner  looked  out  and  on  the  adjacent  field 
he  could  see  the  exemplification  of  the  words,  for 
there  stood  in  wonder,  with  heads  high  in  the  air, 
a  beautiful  herd  of  the  fattest  cattle  on  earth. 

"  Beef,  indeed,  to  the  heels,  and  as  smooth  as  an 
eel's  skin,"  cried  Abner,  with  delight,  for  he 
always  loved  nice  animals  and  now  thought  he  would 
leave  his  seat  and  look  these  over,  but,  before  he 
got  as  far  as  the  wire  fence,  "  All  aboard  "  was 
called  again,  and  the  train  was  moving  slowly  when 
Abner  reached  it. 

"  Shut  the  door  on  him,  if  he  does  not  stay  in," 
said  the  guard  to  the  porter,  angrily.  Abner  did 
not  again  leave  his  seat  until  Broadstone  terminus 
was  reached  and  all  commenced  to  leave  the  car. 
Looking  around  him,  he  was  surprised  at  the  mam- 
moth drapery  establishment  of  Pym  Brothers  Com- 
pany, Limited,  and  turning  to  a  boy,  said :  "  That 
is  a  great  deal  larger  shop  than  we  have  in  our 


10  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

town ;  I'll  go  and  get  some  lemon  drops  before  I  go 
to  the  Dean." 

Suiting  the  action  to  the  word,  he  walked  across 
the  street  to  find  this  giant  'establishment  could  not 
fill  his  penny  order  as  well  as  the  little  store  in  the 
country  village,  on  whose  sign  were  the  following 
words : 

"  Bibles,  Blackball  and  Butter ;  Testaments,  Tar 
and  Treacle;  Godly  Books  and  Gimlets,  as  well  as 
Sweets  and  Candies,  sold  here."  Also,  "  Grocer  to 
Her  Majesty  the  Queen  and  His  Royal  Highness, 
the  Prince  of  Wales." 

Turning  to  the  same  boy  with  disappointment 
plainly  on  his  face,  Abner  exclaimed : 

"  Dublin  belongs  to  the  Allopathic,  while  Coola- 
ney  is  indeed  Homopathic,"  and  he  again  swelled 
out  with  pride  in  his  native  town  and  her  wonderful 
store. 

"  I  must  see  the  Dean  at  once,"  said  he,  as  he 
walked  towards  T.  C.  D.,  for  it  is  now  noon  and 
meal  time. 

In  a  few  minutes,  he  was  at  the  sanctuary  and 
registering  his  name,  "  Abner  L'Estrange,  Coola- 
ney,  County  Sligo,  Ireland;  Secular  and  Divinity 
Education  desired."  Having  done  this,  he  was 
given  his  room  number  and  assigned  to  a  place 
among  the  seven  thousand  seekers  of  knowledge 
who  are  daily  fed  at  the  tables  of  old  Trinity.  Din- 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  11 

ner  bell  now  rang  and  Abner  joined  the  boys  in 
their  march  to  the  table. 

"  Sit  up  straight,"  "  Keep  your  arms  in,"  "  Wait 
until  you  are  waited  on,"  "  Get  up  and  leave  the 
dining  hall,"  were  the  words  addressed  to  a  smart 
youth  at  the  opposite  table. 

Abner  now  found  a  place  where  he  must  prac- 
tice what  mother  preached  to  him  so  long. 

First  meal  over,  he  was  at  home,  and  he  was 
determined  to  be  among  the  best  boys  in  his  class. 
He  studied  Greek  and  Hebrew,  read  the  Bible  with 
care,  tried  hard  to  find  out  the  Truth.  Found  he 
could  not  very  well  swallow  Jonah  and  his  whale, 
or  how  the  fish  increased  so  rapidly  on  dry  land; 
but  on  the  whole,  he  got  along  very  well,  passed 
his  secular  examination  in  the  front  rank,  and  now 
commenced  to  study  the  Church  and  its  doctrine. 
He  was  one  of  the  doubting  Thomas  kind  and 
wished  to  put'  his  fingers  into  the  nail  prints  and 
thrust  his  hand  into  the  hole  in  the  side  every 
time — a  failing  which  is  liable  to  get  a  student  into 
trouble,  as  it  did  him,  later  on.  When  he  read  his 
essay  on  "  Infant  Baptism,"  he  took  too  much  pains 
to  deny  that  the  child  was  re-generated  or  born 
again ;  said  the  infant  was  grafted  into  the  body  of 
Christ's  Church,  but  no  spiritual  change  had  taken 
place  in  the  cherub;  his  regeneration  would  take 
place  later  on,  if  at  all,  when  he  was  converted — if 
he  ever  was.  Bishop  Straughan  grew  furious  at 


12  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

this  innovation,  as  he  was  pleased  to  call  it ; 
denounced  Abner  as  a  heretic  and  a  backslider ;  said 
he  must  recant  instantly,  or  leave  the  theological 
school  at  once. 

"  Show  me  where  I  am  wrong,  and  I  will  correct 
it,"  said  Abner  meekly,  to  this  ruler  over  God's 
heritage. 

"  Well,  the  Church  says,  be  regenerated,  etc.,  and 
he  that  believeth  not  in  the  Church  and  its  teach- 
ing, the  same  is  a  heathen  and  a  Publican." 

Abner  replied,  "  Prove  all  things,  hold  fast  to  that 
which  is  good ;  search  the  Scriptures,  for  they  are 
they  which  testify  of  me ;  and  nowhere  in  the  Bible 
does  it  say  or  even  hint  that  the  child  is  regene- 
rated." 

"  Stop !  "  cried  his  lordship,  "  Leave  this  hall 
instantly,  and  when  you  are  ready  to  recant,  I  will 
ask  the  Church  to  take  you  back.  Until  then,  go — 
go,  I  say !  " 

Abner  stood  in  utter  amazement,  wondering  what 
step  next  to  take,  when  the  immortal  Dean  passed 
and  whispered  in  his  ear :  "  Though  all  men  for- 
sake thee,  I  am  with  thee  even  unto  the  ends  of  the 
earth.  Stand  fast  by  your  convictions,  and  Christ 
will  make  you  free." 

These  words  were  balm  to  the  young  wounded 
soul  and  he  commenced  to  sing  in  a  low  voice  the 
words  of  Cardinal  Newman,  "  Lead,  kindly  light 
amidst  the  encircling  gloom,  lead  Thou  me  on;  I 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  13 

do  not  wish  to  see,  one  step  enough  for  me,  lead 
thou  me  on." 

The  sun  was  now  going  down  in  the  west  as  the 
young  martyr  to  his  convictions,  walked  away  from 
his  Alma  Mater  to  seek  employment  in  the  outer 
world.  Wending  his  way  to  the  dock,  he  found  a 
boat  to  Liverpool,  and  he  embarked  for  that  city. 
Arriving  there  next  day,  he  sought  employment  at 
the  various  merchants'  offices.  He  at  last  found 
one,  where  he  could  earn  twenty-one  shillings  a 
week  as  clerk.  Next  day  he  commenced  to  work, 
and  the  first,  second,  third  and  fourth  weeks  were 
passed,  and  his  work  was  perfectly  satisfactory. 
His  wages  were  doubled,  but  his  path  was  not  to  be 
strewn  with  roses.  The  clouds  caused  by  the 
Bishop's  wrath  were  growing  darker  and  darker, 
until,  one  day,  he  found  Abner's  employer  and 
asked  that  he  be  discharged  without  recommend. 

Mr.  Bullis,  with  sorrowr  printed  on  his  face,  called 
Abner  into  the  inner  office  on  the  twentieth  Monday 
in  his  employ,  looked  up  into  his  youthful  face  with 
pity  and  said :  "  Abner,  I  must  let  you  go,  or  the 
Bishop  will  ruin  my  business."  % 

"  Well,  Mr.  Bullis,  I  have  been  faithful ;  can  not 
you  give  me  a  recommend  so  as  I  can  get  another 
job?" 

"  No,  my  dear  boy,  I  can  not.  His  Lordship  has 
forbid  me  to  do  so,  and  I  cannot  afford  to  antago- 
nize him.  Abner,"  continued  Mr.  Bullis,  "  vou 


14  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

had  better  take  back  what  you  said,  as  the  Bishop 
is  a  most  influential  man.  I  suppose  you  know, 
though,  he  is  a  cousin  to  the  Premier,  and  that  is 
how  he  got  his  job." 

This  was  something  new  to  Abner,  for  the  Bishop 
had  already  told  him  that  the  Lord  selects  men  to 
be  bishops  who  are  known  to  be  far  above  other 
men  in  the  fields  of  learning  and  piety.  Now  he 
learned  he  was  made  bishop  because  he  had  a  pull 
with  the  powers  that  be,  same  as  a  ward  politician 
gets  his  relative  on  the  police  force  in  New  York 
City. 

"  Mr.  Bullis,"  said  Abner,  "  you  are  a  coward, 
and  as  your  name  is  Nelson,  I  would  suggest,  as 
Alexander  did  of  old,  you  change  your  name  or 
your  conduct.  I  will  not  recant;  I  will  not  take 
back  one  word  I  have  spoken.  I  will  answer  only 
to  Him  in  whom  we  live,  move  and  have  our  being. 
I  do  not  expect  justice  this  side  the  clouds.  I  have 
already  appealed  my  case  to  Him  before  whom 
Bishops,  Popes  and  Kings  must  bow,  same  as  poor 
students,  and  where  true  and  exact  justice  will  be 
meted  out  to  all  alike,  regardless  of  their  wealth  or 
station  in  life.  Mr.  Bullis,  why  do  you  deny  me 
what  is  my  right — a  recommend  ?  " 

"  My  dear  fellow,"  said  Mr.  Bullis,  "  my  heart 
aches  for  you ;  I  would  give  you  a  recommend  if  I 
dared  to.  You  know,  Abner,  that  most  of  us 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  15 

English  believe  that  whatever  the  Bishop  does  and 
says  is  right." 

"  Well,  Mr.  Nelson  Bullis,  I  shall  pray  to  God 
for  the  English  people  that  the  scales  may  some  day 
fall  from  their  eyes,  and  the  cobwebs  that  shroud 
their  intellect,  and  that  they  will  see  the  truth  face 
to  face,  and  not  '  through  a  glass  darkly,'  as  they 
now  do." 

"  Now,  Abner,"  said  Mr.  Bullis,  "  here's  your 
day's  pay,  and  do  not  come  to  work  tomorrow,  for 
I  have  a  man  to  take  your  place  in  the  morning." 

"  I  did  not  hire  out  for  a  day,  Mr.  Bullis,"  said 
Abner,  with  much  warmth ;  "  you  will  give  me  a 
week's  pay,  or  I'll  cite  you  before  the  mayor ;  I  will 
not  let  you  cheat  me,  even  if  you  are  doing  God's 
servant's  dirty  work  by  discharging  me  without  a 
cause." 

After  much  grumbling  Mr.  Bullis  drew  from  the 
safety  vault  in  his  pantaloons  a  week's  pay  and 
handed  it  to  Abner,  saying,  as  he  did  so,  "  Here, 
and  I  am  sorry  to  have  to  let  you  go." 

These  words  touched  Abner's  noble  soul  and  he 
handed  back  the  week's  pay  to  his  employer,  saying, 
"  Keep  this,  I  will  not  take  it ;  I  haven't  worked 
for  it,"  and  reaching  out  his  large  hand  to  the  mer- 
chant, he  bid  him  farewell  and  walked  out  on  Water 
Street. 

After  Abner  departed,   Mr.   Bullis   thought  the 


16  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

matter  over  more  seriously,  and  after  a  few  min- 
utes sent  the  office  boy  to  call  him  back. 

Abner  returned  to  find  his  former  employer  in  a 
sort  of  stupor. 

"  Well,"  said  he,  "  what  do  you  wish  to  say  to 
me?" 

"  Well,  Abner,  if  you  can  find  a  job,  send  your 
employer  to  me  and  I'll  give  him  a  good  word  about 
you  and  he  cannot  show  it  to  the  Church  people,  if 
they  go  to  haul  me  up  for  it." 

Abner's  face  flushed  an  angry  fire,  and  turning 
on  his  heel,  said  with  emphasis :  "  No,  I  will  not. 
I  will  go  to  a  land  where  the  God  of  love  and  justice 
and  not  the  God  of  despotic  vengeance  is  wor- 
shipped ;  where  all  men  have  a  chance  and  a  right 
to  earn  a  living;  where  every  man  is  a  sovereign 
and  where  no  man  is  now  master,"  and  that  night 
found  Abner  L'Estrange  a  passenger  on  board  the 
White  Star  line  Britannic,  in  stateroom  141,  bound 
for  the  City  of  New  York. 

After  Abner  had  left,  his  employer  said  to  the 
junior  clerk,  "  that  fellow  Abner  is  no  one's  fool ;  I 
wish  I  had  kept  him — Church  or  no  Church." 

While  this  conversation  was  taking  place,  the 
Britannic  was  plowing  her  way  to  the  Western 
Hemisphere,  with  one  thousand  three  hundred  souls 
on  board.  Abner  L'Estrange  was  tired  and  sick 
and  went  early  to  bed.  When  he  looked  out  the 
next  morning,  he  could  see  nothing  in  sight  but  blue 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  17 

— blue  sky,  blue  ocean  and  blue  Abner.  "  Trinity 
again,"  said  he,  "  all  blue." 

On  the  sixth  day  out,  the  sea  gulls  which  had 
deserted  them  on  the  second  morning,  now  flew 
around  the  ship's  sides  looking  for  food,  but  no 
other  signs  of  land  were  visible,  and  the  poor  fellow 
was  sick  nigh  unto  death,  when  a  sympathetic  pas- 
senger walked  by,  and  said  to  Abner : 

"  Young  man,  you  have  a  weak  stomach." 

"  I  cannot  see,  sir,  how  you  say  that ;  am  I  not 
sending  it  out  as  far  into  the  sea  as  any  of  the  rest 
of  the  passengers  ?  " 

This  was  the  first  time  he  wished  for  the  angel  ot 
death  to  call  him  hence.  Struggling  to  his  room, 
he  lay  there  for  days,  and  when  told  New  York 
was  in  sight,  he  did  not  seem  to  understand,  for  he 
was  in  a  violent  fever,  and  would  answer  by  asking 
if  there  were  any  bishops  there. 

"  No,  but  King  Croker  is  there,  and  he  is  just  as 
tyrannical." 

"  Well,  we  must  land  there,  anyway,  but  I  shall 
not  stay  there  very  long,"  said  the  exile  of  Erin. 

Abner's  sickness  was  now  leaving  him,  and  as 
land  showed  in  sight,  his  heart  took  courage  and  the 
invigorating  breeze  from  the  shore  gave  him  new 
life.  "  Well,"  cried  he,  "  won't  I  be  glad  when  my 
feet  touch  terra  firma  again !  " 

The  Britannic  was  now  within  a  few  miles  of  the 
clock  where  she  was  to  give  up  her  living  cargo. 


18  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

When  he  looked  out,  he  eyes  fell  upon  the  mammoth 
beehive  of  Western  industry;  crafts  of  all  nations 
except  Carrie's  were  there,  plowing  the  waves  or  sit- 
ting quietly  on  them  like  a  sea  gull.  The  sounds 
that  then  traversed  the  air  reminded  him  of  an  old 
story  he  had  read  at  school,  "  Cretes  and  Arabians, 
we  do  hear  them  speak  in  our  tongues,"  for 
sailors  from  every  clime  were  busily  employed  on 
the  vessels  in  the  harbor. 

"  All  first-class  passengers  ashore,"  said  the  man 
at  the  head  of  the  gang-plank. 

"  I'd  like  to  go  ashore,  but  I  do  not  feel  first- 
class,"  muttered  Abner,  slowly. 

"  See  your  ticket.     All  right,  go  up  the  plank." 

"  Thank  God,"  cried  Abner,  "  I'm  on  land  once 
more.  My  stomach  will  no  longer  be  used  as  a  food 
mixer  for  the  sea  gulls  and  fish  of  the  Atlantic 
Ocean,  as  it  has  been  for  the  past  seven  days." 

Abner  was  now  at  the  foot  of  Broadway,  New 
York,  friendless,  almost  penniless,  and  alone.  Night 
was  fast  coming  on  him,  so  he  must  look  out  for 
some  place  to  sleep. 

"  Where  can  I  find  a  room  ?  "  he  asked  of  a 
street  Arab. 

"  Lots  'em.  You  can  get  fine  suites  or  rooms  at 
the  Waldorf  Astoria  for  a  hundred  dollars  a  week, 
or  I  get  a  bed  at  the  boys'  lodging  house  for  a 
dime.  Come  with  me." 

"  The    latter   would    suit   my   purse,   while   the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  19 

former  I  suppose,  would  suit  my  tired  body  best," 
thought  the  stranger  to  himself.  "  I  will  ask  this 
officer,  however,  to  recommend  me  to  some  respect- 
able place. 

"  Officer,  where  are  the  best  houses  to  get  board 
and  rooms  at  ?  " 

The  Yankee  with  the  Irish  tongue,  said :  "  I 
guess  that  house  across  the  street's  all  right." 

"  Officer,  do  you  know  of  any  one  who  could  tell 
me  for  certain  ?  " 

"  I  room  there,"  said  the  limb  of  law  and  dis- 
order, "  and  I  should  know." 

"  Well,"  said  Abner,  "  you  should,  but  you're 
only  guessing  at  it,  and  I  want  one  who  knows,  not 
guesses." 

"  Now,  you  go  there  and  hire  board,  or  I'll  give 
you  a  free  room  in  jail  for  a  month." 

Abner  read  something  in  the  Lexow  inves- 
tigation report  about  police  bribery  and  corruption, 
so  he  hired  his  board  at  the  sister-in-law  of  this 
efficient  officer,  rather  than  incur  his  further  dis- 
pleasure; but  he  resolved  to  leave  New  York  city 
in  the  morning,  if  he  could  not  find  a  place  where 
life  was  more  congenial  to  him  than  this  favorite 
house.  "  I  will  not  stay  here  another  day,"  he 
said,  with  tears  running  down  his  face. 

The  morning  came  and  he  dressed  himself  in  his 
black  coat  and  seamless  vest,  walked  up  Broadway, 
wondering  where  he  could  get  employment,  when 


20  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

his  orbs  rested  on  the  "  World "  building,  the 
dome  of  which  towered  towards  the  great  archi- 
tect's home.  "  Boy  Wanted  "  was  on  the  bulletin 
board. 

Stepping  into  the  head  office,  he  inquired  for  the 
manager. 

"  I  am  he,"  said  the  brainy  son  of  Israel,  "  and 
I'll  talk  to  you  in  a  minute  if  you  will  please  take 
a  seat." 

"  I  will  do  so,"  said  Abner,  meekly. 

"  Now,  my  friend,  what  will  I  be  doing  for 
you?" 

"  Give  me  that  job  on  the  bulletin  board,"  he 
answered. 

"  Well,  my  son,  if  you  are  a  boy,  where  do  we 
get  our  men  ?  Take  off  your  coat  and  go  to  work. 
Four  dollars  a  week,  but  if  you  are  worthy,  you  will 
be  advanced  soon.  Are  you  an  Irish  Hebrew,  may 
I  ask?" 

"  I  am  Irish,  and  believe  in  the  God  of  the  Jews," 
said  Abner,  with  a  smile. 

Pulitzer's  heart  is  like  his  nose — large  for  the 
rest  of  his  body — and  instead  of  paying  him  four 
dollars  a  week,  as  agreed,  he  gave  him  six  times 
that  amount,  and  Abner,  in  patriarchial  style,  called 
him  blessed,  and  exclaimed: 

"  No  wonder  he  owns  the  world,  for  while  he 
does  not  have  nor  believe  in  Bishops,  he  does 
believe  in  the  Fatherhood  of  God  and  the  Uni- 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  21 

versal  Brotherhood  of  Man  and  practices  just  what 
he  preaches,  rendering  unto  the  King  what  is  His 
and  to  all  men  the  helping  hand  of  friendship  and 
brotherly  love." 


CHAPTER  II. 


"  George  Lewis,"  said  his  sister  Ethel,  "  hurry 
up  and  get  ready  to  go  to  work.  Bishop  Straughan 
and  his  nephew  have  got  you  a  good  position  with 
Mr.  Nelson  Bullis,  the  wholesale  fish  dealer  on 
Water  Street.  I  have  a  letter  here  to  Mr.  Bullis 
from  them,  recommending  you." 

"'  What  does  he  wish  me  to  do?  " 

"  Keep  his  books  and  sell  goods,  I  believe,"  said 
his  sister. 

"  Well,  I  wish  he  had  kept  his  recommend ;  I 
don't  know  a  mackerel  from  a  sturgeon,  and  what 
is  more,  I  don't  care  to  learn.  John  Thorne  and 
I  are  going  up  the  river  fishing  and  we  will  not  be 
back  for  a  week." 

"  Mother  said  you  must  go  to  work  this  morning, 
and  instructed  me  to  tell  you  so." 

With  a,  growl  on  his  lips,  scowl  on  his  forehead, 
his  teeth  set,  the  veins  in  his  neck  swollen,  he  wrent 
to  the  breakfast  table  that  morning  ready  to  find 
fault  with  everything  and  anything.  Breakfast 
over,  he  left  home  for  the  wholesale  fish  house. 
On  reaching  the  door,  he  asked  if  the  proprietor 
was  in.  Mr.  Bullis  eyed  him  crftically  and  his 
style  of  entry  did  not  make  a  good  impression  on 
this  hard-headed  vendor  of  acquatic  products. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  23 

"  I  am  he,"  said  Mr.  Bullis,  still  keeping  his  eyes 
on  the  candidate  for  the  position  of  trust  created 
for  him  by  clerical  vengeance.  Without  a  word, 
George  Lewis  handed  Mr.  Bullis  the  letter  of 
recommendation  from  the  Bishop  and  his  nephew. 
It  read  as  follows : — 

"To     Nelson     Bullis,    Esq.,     198    Water     Street, 
Liverpool. 

This  will  introduce  to  you  Mr.  George  Lewis, 
a  young  man  of  excellent  habits  and  disposition. 
My  uncle  and  I  both  take  pride  in  recom- 
mending him  to  you.  He  is  a  most  obedient,  duti- 
ful and  affectionate  son ;  a,  kind,  attentive  and  fond 
brother  and  a  true  Christian,  and  we  are  sure  any 
confidence  you  may  be  pleased  to  place  in  him 
will  not  be  betrayed.  With  our  blessing,  he  will 
enter  your  house  as  soon  as  you  deem  meet. 
Yours, 

J.  F.   STRAUGHAN, 

Rector." 

The  merchant  read  the  letter,  and  beckoning  to 
the  young  man  to  follow,  led  the  way  into  the 
inner  office.  When  there  he  turned  to  George  Lewis 
and  said : 

"  Come  here,  and  I  will  show  you  what  I  want 
you  to  do.  All  goods  shipped  for  cash  or  on 
credit,  have  got  to  be  charged  in  this  book  by  you, 
and  you  are  responsible  for  everything  that  goes 
out"  of  this  store.  Here  are  the  Sales  Book,  Stock 


24  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Book,  Day  Book,  Journal,  Ledger,  Time  Book  and 
Cash  Book.  Look  them  all  over  and  if  there  is  any- 
thing you  do  not  understand,  I  am  here  to  explain. 
See  that  all  bills  receivable  and  payable  are  settled 
on  time;  see  that  insurance  policies  are  all  renewed 
before  they  expire.  Do  you  understand  ?  " 

"  I  do.  How  much  pay  am  I  going  to  get  for  this 
and  how  many  days  vacation  ?  " 

"  Fifty-six  days  out  of  three  hundred  and  sixty- 
five,"  said  Mr.  Bullis,  with  a  wink. 

"  All  right,"  said  George  Lewis,  forgetting  that 
there  were  fifty-two  Sundays  in  a  year. 

"  Mr.  Bookkeeper,  please  charge  two  crates  of 
Scotch  herring  at  seven-eighths  of  a  penny  each,  to 
J.  W.  Walker.  Give  me  the  bill,  please,  quick,  cus- 
tomer is  waiting." 

"  How  many  in  a  crate  ?  " 

"  144  fish  in  each.    Please  hurry." 

"  I'll  send  the  bill  by  mail,"  said  the  bookkeeper, 
"give  him  the  fish." 

"  He  wants  his  bill  with  them,"  said  the  ship- 
ping clerk,  "or  he  will  not  take  them." 

"  Here  it  is,"  said  George,  who  billed  two  hun- 
dred and  eighty-eight  Scotch  herring  at  seven- 
eighths  of  a  penny  each. 

Forty-eight  customers  called  that  day,  and 
George  was  expected  to  post  all  his  books  before 
6  P.  M. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  25 

It  was  just  three  A.  M.  when  he  rang  his  mother's 
door  bell. 

In  the  morning  his  mother  called  him  for  break- 
fast  and  asked  him :  "  What  time  last  night  did 
you  come  in  this  morning  ?  " 

"  It  was  three  o'clock  before  I  left  the  office." 

"  Well,  what  kept  you  so  long  ?  " 

"  I  did  not  get  my  cash  balanced  before  that 
time.  I  was  looking  for  four  and  a  half  pennies 
all  night  and  I  could  not  find  them,  so  I  made  my 
cash  balance  by  taking  some  out  of  my  pocket  and 
putting  them  into  the  cash  box." 

Next  morning,  his  employer  asked  him  why  he 
did  not  get  around  to  open  the  store  at  six  o'clock. 

"  I  was  all  night  here  trying  to  balance  cash  and 
could  not,"  said  George,  in  a  disgusted  tone. 

"  Well,"  said  Mr.  Bullis,  "cash  is  hard  to  find 
when  it's  stolen.  I  took  the  four  and  a  half  pen- 
nies out  of  the  drawer  to  see  if  you  were  accurate 
and  faithful.  I  am  glad  to  see  you  did  try  to  find 
it." 

"  Yes,  I  was  from  six  p.  M.  until  three  o'clock 
looking  for  it,  and  I  will  now  pay  myself  double 
time  for  the  overtime  I  worked  and  charge  it  to 
you,  Mr.  Bullis,  for  if  I  am  not  true  to  myself,  how 
can  I  be  true  to  others." 

Mr.  Bullis  walked  away  and  made  no  answer. 

Days  passed  and  came  and  George  Lewis  was  at 
his  desk,  but  months  behind  on  his  books.  He 


26  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

hated  the  work,  consequently  could  make  no  head- 
way. Bills  were  sent  back  daily  for  correction ;  bank 
was  overdrawn,  because  accounts  were  not  posted 
and  Old  Nick  was  to  pay,  in  general.  George 
Lewis  was  far  too  careless  and  not  quick  enough 
for  his  position,  consequently,  chaos  was  reached 
at  last.  When  the  New  Year  came,  he  was  told 
to  get  his  books  ready  for  inventory,  but  it  would 
be  July  before  he  could  do  it.  He  worked  night 
and  day  at  them,  but  no  use. 

"  George,"  said  his  employer,  "when  will  you 
have  the  Balance  Sheet  ready  ?  " 

"  I  do  not  know,"  said  George,  with  a  look  ot 
despair  on  his  face." 

"  Must  have  it  soon,  or  will  have  to  get  some 
one  to  help  you  at  your  expense,"  said  his  employer, 
harshly. 

"  All  right,  sir,  I  am  willing." 

That  night  George  Lewis  worried  over  his 
books  and  was  much  chagrined  by  the  taunts  of 
the  shipping  clerks,  for  they  took  pleasure  in  saying 
to  him  that  Mr.  L'Estrange  always  got  his  books 
posted  at  five  o'clock  and  was  ready  to  go  home 
when  the  bell  rang. 

"  George,"  said  the  head  shipping  clerk,  "  why 
don't  you  eat  some  of  those  powder  crackers,  they'll 
put  life  in  you." 

When  six  o'clock  came  that  day,  all  hands  walked 
out  of  the  store.  George  Lewis  followed,  but  for- 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  27 

got  to  lock  the  safe  or  put  in  his  books.  His  heart 
was  sad,  for  he  was  now  so  deeply  in  work,  he  did 
not  see  his  way  out.  When  he  reached  home,  his 
mother  asked  him  what  was  the  matter : 

"  You  look  sick  and  tired,"  she  said. 

Supper  over,  George  went  to  bed  and  soon  was 
sleeping  soundly,  dreaming  of  his  cash  and  books, 
when  his  sister  rushed  into  his  room,  calling  out: 

"  George,  196  Water  Street  is  in  flames  and  it  is 
feared  the  Bullis  building  will  soon  be  on  fire." 

George  got  up  and  looking  out  of  the  window, 
could  plainly  see  the  fire  sending  its  lurid  flames 
over  the  Bullis  building.  Putting  on  his  clothes, 
he  ran  down  the  street  towards  the  store,  which 
was  now  one  seething  mass  of  fire  and  black  clouds 
of  smoke  rolled  up  into  the  heavens.  Tongues  ol 
fire  leaped  out  of  the  darkness  and  illumined  the 
neighboring  streets,  making  a  scene  of  awesome 
splendor. 

George  stood  looking  on  as  motionless  as  the 
lamp  post,  when  up  to  him,  rushed  his  employer. 

"  George,"  he  exclaimed,  "  were  the  insurance 
papers  all  renewed  January  ist?" 

"  What  insurance  papers  ?  "  said  George.  "  I 
didn't  touch  them." 

"  My  God,  I  am  ruined !  They  all  ran  out  Jan- 
uary first,  and  I  haven't  one  penny  on  my  building 
or  stock.  I  am  a  ruined  man.  I  am  ruined,  also 
my  creditors  and  my  wife,  whose  money  I  borrowed 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

last  January.  My  God ! "  he  exclaimed,  "what 
shall  I  do?" 

Next  morning  a  message  flashed  over  the  wire 
from  Dublin : 

"Having  heard  of  the  disaster  which  has  fallen 
upon  you,  His  Lordship  and  I  extend,  with  our 
blessing,  our  most  sincere  sympathy.  J.  F. 
Straughan." 

That  night,  George  Lewis  rolled  on  his  bed  and 
could  not  sleep.  He  would  say  to  himself:  "Am 
I  the  Jonah,  or  has  Mr.  Bullis  displeased  God  that 
this  visitation  should  be  sent  upon  him.  I  cannot 
recall  any  act  of  mine  that  would  deserve  such 
austere  punishment.  I  will  ask  Mr.  Bullis  what  he 
has  done,  that  such  a  dire  calamity  should  fall  upon 
him." 

Next  morning,  they  found  the  safe  open  and  all 
its  contents  destroyed,  but  the  desk  had  fallen 
before  the  books  were  burned.  They  fell  from  it 
and  were  safely  buried  in  the  water  which  the  fire- 
men threw  upon  the  building. 

"  So  much  saved,  anyway,  but  what  good  are  the 
books  when  the  insurance  policies  have  all  expired," 
said  Mr.  Bullis  to  himself,  as  he  wrung  his  hands 
and  looked  at  the  smouldering  building,  with  tears 
coursing  down  his  worried  cheeks.  Neighbors  and 
friends  called  at  the  Bullis  home  that  evening  to 
extend  their  sympathy  to  their  unfortunate  friend 
and  neighbor,  among  them,  the  rector  of  the  church 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  29 

that  the  Bullis  family,  for  five  generations,  had 
attended.  He  told  Mr.  Bullis  not  to  grieve,  that 
the  Lord  would  bring  it  out  all  right. 

"  Whom  He  loveth,  He  chasteneth.  Cheer  up,  my 
brother,  all  will  yet  be  well  with  you.  Have  you 
asked  Jackson  &  Lansing,  the  insurance  agents, 
when  your  policies  ran  out?  " 

"  Yes,  I  did  today,  and  they  telephoned  me  back, 
January  the  first." 

The  parlor  and  drawingroom  were  crowded  when 
the  door  bell  rang,  and  a  card  from  a  newspaper 
reporter  was  handed  the  attendant  with  the  words : 

"  Please  hand  this  to  Mr.  Bullis  and  say  to  him 
I  want  to  see  him  for  a  moment." 

Mr.  Bullis  came,  and  the  representative  of  the 
New  York  World,  said,  in  a  voice  trained  for  the 
occasion : 

"  Mr.  Bullis,  I  am  sorry  to  hear  that  you  met 
with  such  a  serious  loss.  How  much  stock  had  you 
on  hand  ?  How  much  were  you  insured  for  ?  " 

"  I  had  about  twenty  thousand  pounds  in  stock, 
beside  the  building,  and  not  one  cent  insurance  on 
either — all  ran  out  last  January." 

"  Too  bad,  too  bad,"  said  the  scribe,  and  he  bowed 
himself  out. 

Next  morning  the  article  appeared  in  the  New 
York  World,  and  Abner's  eyes  fell  upon  the  lines: 

"  Bullis,  the  fishmonger  on  Water  Street,  Liver- 
pool, England,  totally  destroyed  by  fire.  Loss 


30  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

about  $150,000.     No  insurance — expired  last  Jan- 
uary." 

"  That  is  not  so,"  said  Abner  to  himself,  "  I 
ordered  the  insurance  renewed,  and  have  in  my 
trunk  a  receipt  from  Jackson  &  Lansing  represent- 
ing the  different  companies,  agreeing  to  renew  for 
another  year,  without  notice,  the  policies  in  their 
companies.  I  also  paid  them  fifty  pounds  on 
account  of  renewal  and  have  their  receipt.  Are 
they  trying  to  swindle  poor  old  BuIIis  out  of  his 
insurance?  Well,  I  will  not  allow  them;  I'll  tele- 
graph Bullis  at  once." 

He  left  his  desk  and  rushed  over  to  the  telegraph 
office  and  sent  the  following  message  across  the 
briny  deep: 

"  To  Nelson  Bullis,  Liverpool,  England : 

"Your  insurance  has  not  run  out.  1 
renewed  it  for  one  year  from  January  first.  See  my 
letter  of  today.  Show  this  to  Jackson  &  Lansing. 
Abner  L'Estrange  (without  recommend)." 

Words  cannot  describe  the  feelings  of  joy,  grat- 
itude and  affection  that  took  hold  of  the  heart  of 
Nelson  Bullis  as  he  read  the  cablegram  to  himself. 

"  I'll  run  home  and  show  my  wife  and  neighbors 
and  tell  them  of  my  good  luck,"  and  he  dashed 
away  down  the  street,  blind  to  the  people  he 
passed,  until  he  was  stopped  by  the  World's 
reporter,  whose  pencil  drivers  are  always  on  the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  31 

alert  for  the  latest,  and  asked  if  there  was  any- 
thing new. 

"  Yes,  a  great  deal  of  good  news,"  said  Mr. 
Bullis,  excitedly,  "  my  insurance  policies  are  all  in 
force.  Abner  L/Estrange,  my  former  bookkeeper, 
has  saved  me  from  ruin.  He  had  them  renewed 
for  another  year.  Wasn't  it  good!  1  wish  he 
would  come  back  and  work  for  me  now,  and  no 
power  on  earth  could  persuade  me  to  let  him  go. 
He  had  his  work  all  finished  at  4  P.  MV  every  day, 
and  Lewis  will  never  be  able  to  do  it  alone.  I  will 
ask  him  back  just  as  soon  as  I  get  ready  to  open." 

"  Father,"  said  his  daughter  Mabel,  in  sarcastic 
tones,  "  how  can  Mr.  L'Estrange  get  employment 
in  the  United  States,  without  your  recommend, 
which  you  denied  him  at  the  dictation  of  his 
enemies  ?  " 

"  Please,  Mabel,  do  not  chide  me  for  it  now ;  I 
thought  I  was  doing  right." 

"  Father,"  she  continued,  "  is  it  not  written  some- 
where, '  Be  just  and  fear  not.' J: 

"  I  know,  my  child,  but  in  business,  we  have  to 
be  politic." 

"  We  should  always  be  just,"  she  added  with 
emphasis. 

Mabel  had  from  the  first  secretly  loved  Abner 
and  he  reciprocated  her  affection.  When  he  left 
Liverpool  he  sent  her  a  note  saying  he  would  write 
her  when  he  found  employment  in  the  New  World, 


32  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

and  he  did,  several  times,  but  her  ever- watchful 
mother  consigned  them  to  the  flames  of  the  coal 
fire  in  the  kitchen,  and  they  never  reached  their 
destination,  but  did  their  end. 

Mabel  watched  for  days  and  weeks  and  months 
for  the  long  looked  for  letter,  which  came  not,  and 
she  wondered  why  Abner  did  not  keep  his  word. 
When  his  telegram  came  to  her  father,  she  wrote 
him  asking  him  why  he  did  not  write  as  agreed. 
He  at  once  replied;  said  he  had  written  several 
times,  but  got  no  answer.  Mabel,  by  this  time, 
commenced  to  suspect  her  mother,  so  she  left  word 
at  the  post  office  for  her  mail  to  be  kept  there  until 
she  personally  called  for  it.  She  then  got  her  wel- 
come letters  twice  a  week. 

Nelson  Bullis  collected  his  insurance  on  the  stock 
and  building,  and  soon  the  store  was  in  shape  for 
business  again. 

Mabel  left  on  July  the  first  for  Stockholm, 
Sweden,  and  while  there,  visited  her  uncle,  Doctor 
Winston,  at  his  summer  home  on  the  slopes,  where 
she  contracted  typhoid  fever,  and  while  everything 
that  affectionate  care  and  medical  science  could  do, 
was  done  for  her,  her  young  frame  was  rapidly 
burning  up  by  the  disease.  She,  knowing  her  end 
was  nigh  at  hand,  requested  that  Abner  be  asked 
to  come  from  America  and  see  his  dear  little  girl 
for  the  last  time  this  side  the  grave.  Who  could 
refuse  such  a  dear  one,  such  a  kind,  sweet  face? 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  33 

Certainly  not  the  noble-hearted  Abner,  whose  soul 
was  yearning  to  see  her,  and  whose  life  was  wrapped 
up  in  her,  on  whom  all  his  future  hopes  centered. 

He  sailed  from  New  York  on  July  the  eighth,  and 
reached  Sweden  July  the  fifteenth,  at  noon.  He  at 
once  went  to  her  bedside  and  found  her  repeating 
the  beautiful  lines  of  Richard  Lovelace : 

"  '  If  I  have  freedom  in  my  love,  and  in  my 
soul  am  free,  angels,  alone,  who  soar  above,  enjoy 
such  liberty.' ': 

These  lines  must  have  sent  a  dagger  into  her 
mother's  soul,  for  surely  she  remembered  how  she 
had  sidetracked  her  daughter's  freedom  for  years. 
The  old  lady,  recognizing  the  laws  of  decorum,  left 
them  alone  for  awhile,  and  when  they  both  recov- 
ered their  equilibrium,  Mabel  said : 

"Abner,  my  dearest  and  most  noble  darling,  how 
I  love  to  see  you  for  even  a  little  while.  Come  near 
to  me  and  kiss  me." 

He  placed  his  strong  arms  around  her  neck,  and 
as  he  raised  her  up  to  him,  he  felt  the  heat  of  her 
forehead,  and  then  commenced  to  realize  how  sick 
his  angel  was.  A  look  of  intense  grief  and  despair 
overspread  his  placid  countenance,  as  he  pressed 
her  feverish  face  to  his. 

"  My  beloved,"  he  said,  "  look  at  me." 

As  he  bent  over  the  beautiful,  quiet  figure,  slowly 
and  lovingly  the  fatigued  lids  were  raised,  one 
fond,  faint  smile,  a  semi-lifted  hand;  then,  with  a 


34  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

moan,  she  sank  back  upon  her  pillow,  muttering 
the  words,  "  Precious  one,  stay  with  me."  She 
sighed  and  soon  was  fast  asleep. 

In  a  few  moments  she  awoke  again,  and  seeing 
sorrow  on  Abner's  face,  she  said : 

"  Be  of  good  cheer,  and  do  not  let  mother  see  you 
crying.  I  do  not  wish  you  to  grieve  so  for  me. 
I  am  not  worth  one  of  those  precious  tears,"  and 
as  she  spoke  she  stroked  his  smooth  face  with  her 
pale,  emaciated  hand,  and  in  her  sublime  effort  to 
cheer  her  loved  one,  said :  "  I  am  not  going  to  die ; 
I  will  now  live  for  your  sake." 

After  saying  this,  she  fell  back  again  in  a 
slumber.  Her  face  was  pink  and  pale,  and  Abner, 
fearing  the  end  had  come,  called  to  her  uncle  and 
mother,  who  at  once  came  to  her  bedside. 

"  Doctor,  is  she  dead  ?  "  asked  Abner,  impatiently. 

"  No,  my  dear  boy,  she  is  only  sleeping." 

After  a  while,  she  awoke,  and  her  face  was  an 
index  to  high  fever.  She  once  more  stretched  out 
her  tiny  hand  to  Abner,  who  took  it  tenderly  in  his, 
and  for  a  few  moments  all  was  still,  when  she  again 
went  off  in  slumber. 

The  doctor  now  suggested  that  Abner  and  her 
mother  take  a  walk  in  the  open  air  before  retiring 
for  the  night,  for  he  feared  an  attack  of  the  disease 
if  they  did  not  go  out. 

"Abner,"  said  Mrs.  Bullis,  as  they  wandered 
along  the  graveled  pathway  under  arched  willows 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  35 

and  over  rustic  bridges  which  surrounded  the  Win- 
ston home,  "  my  conscience  has  been  troubling  me. 
I  wish  to  say  to  you  it  was  I  who  burned  your  let- 
ters to  Mabel,  and  I  ask  you  now  to  forgive  me. 
Won't  you  do  it?  I  ask  it  for  her  sake,"  she  con- 
tinued, "you  won't  refuse  me,  will  you?  My  love 
for  Mabel  prompted  me  to  do  it.  I  hated  the 
thought  of  anyone  ever  taking  her  away  from  me. 
I  want  you  now  to  know  I  had  nothing  against 
you,  but  I  loved  her  too  dearly  to  give  her  up." 

"  I  hope  we  will  all  be  forgiven,"  said  Abner, 
reluctantly. 

The  moon  was  rushing  past  the  clouds,  as  if  it 
had  a  special  message  to  deliver  to  each  sister 
planet.  As  Abner  and  Mrs.  Bullis  walked  along 
they  gazed  listlessly  at  this  heavenly  luminary's 
lunation,  and  thought  only  of  her  who  rolled  in 
feverish  anguish  on  a  bed  of  sickness  in  the  home 
yonder. 

"  I  wonder,"  said  Abner  to  Mrs.  Bullis,  "  if  there 
is  any  chance  of  Mabel's  recovery,"  as  he  wiped 
away  a  silent  tear  that  trickled  down  his  blanched 
cheeks. 

"  The  doctor  says  she  has  no  chance,  and  that  it 
is  only  a  matter  of  a  few  days  to  the  end,"  said 
Mrs.  Bullis,  between  her  sobs,  which  shook  her 
frame  almost  to  convulsions.  Abner  could  not 
restrain  his  feelings  any  longer,  and  he  broke  out  in 
bitter  weeping.  The  faithful  dog  at  their  heels 


36  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

added  his  mournful  lay  to  the  cries  of  sorrow 
which  floated  on  the  midnight  air,  and  an  owl  on 
a  neighboring  tree  mingled  his  whoo  with  that  of 
the  mourners. 

Abner  and  Mrs.  Bullis  reached  the  residence  of 
Doctor  Winston  at  last,  as  the  clock  in  the  hall 
rang  out  the  wee,  small  hours  of  the  morning. 

"  My,"  said  Abner,  "  one  o'clock !  How  time 
flies." 

As  they  entered  the  house  Mrs.  Bullis  said,  in 
kindly  tones,  "  John,  show  Mr.  L'Estrange  to  his 
room,"  and  turning  to  Abner,  said  "  Good  night," 
as  she  entered  her  room  and  closed  her  door. 

"  I  hope  things  will  look  brighter  in  the  morn- 
ing," he  murmured  to  himself. 

The  morning  came  and  Abner  got  up  early  to  see 
the  sun  rise  over  the  horizon,  and  as  he  entered 
Mabel's  room,  it  shone  brightly  in  at  the  window. 
Glancing  hastily  around  the  room  and  at  the  sun- 
beams, he  said  to  the  doctor: 

"  Nice,  bright  morning,  isn't  it,  doctor." 

"  Yes,"  answered  the  guardian  of  health,  in 
tears,  "but  all  is  now  dark  to  the  gaze  of  Mabel. 
She  is  beholding  the  unveiled  glory  of  the  Sun  of 
Righteousness;  she  is  at  peace  at  last.  Beautiful, 
lovely  character  she  was.  We  all  will  miss  her;  I 
could  not  have  loved  her  more  if  she  were  my  own 
child,"  said  the  doctor  to  the  nurse,  as  he  fondly 
gazed  on  the  lovely  face  now  still  in  death. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  37 

There  were  sad  hearts  at  the  Winston  home  that 
night,  but  none  sadder  than  Abner,  for  her  beau- 
tiful face,  exquisite  complexion,  queenly  form  and 
carriage,  crowned  by  a  wealth  of  golden  hair,  was 
indelibly  stamped  upon  his  heart  never  to  be  effaced, 
and  her  unswerving  devotion,  loyalty  and  pure 
affection  for  him,  were  as  true  as  the  needle  to  the 
pole  and  enshrined  her  in  the  secret  recesses  of  his 
core,  there  to  stay  until  time  is  no  more. 

"  I  may  in  after  years  meet  someone  I  love  as 
much  as  I  did  her,"  meditated  Abner,  sadly,  "  but 
never  will  I  meet  another  with  such  a  pure,  unselfish 
soul  as  she  had." 

She  was  laid  with  tears  and  flowers  in  the  grave 
on  the  sunny  slopes  of  Sweden,  there  to  lie  until 
all  are  called  on  the  resurrection  morn.  Abner 
placed  some  forget-me-nots  on  the  grave  and 
wandered  listlessly  back  to  the  house.  Next  day,  he 
visited  it  again  and  found  the  following  lines  rest- 
ing on  the  flowers  which  covered  the  grave: 

Tread  lightly,  love,  when  over  my  head, 

Beneath  the  daisies  lying, 
And  tenderly  press  the  grassy  bed 

Where  the  fallen  rose  lies  dying. 

Dreamless  I  sleep  in  the  quiet  ground, 

Save  when  your  foot-fall  hearing, 
My  heart  awakes  to  the  old-loved  sound, 

And  beats  to  the  step  that's  nearing. 


38  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Bright  shone  the  moon  last  eve  —  when  you  came, 

Still  dust  for  dust  hath  feeling  — 
The  willow-roots  whispered  low  the  name 

Of  him  who  weeps  while  kneeling. 

The  lily-cup  holds  the  falling  tears, 

The  tears  you  shed  above  me; 
And  I  know  through  all  these  silent  years 

There's  some  one  still  to  love  me. 

Oh,  softly  sigh  ;  for  I  hear  the  sound 

And  grieve  me  o'er  your  sorrow  ; 
But  leave  a  kiss  in  the  myrtle  mound  — 

I'll  give  it  back  tomorrow. 

Whisper  me,  love,  as  in  moments  fled, 
While  I  dream  your  hand  mine  taketh  ; 

For  the  stone  speaks  false  that  says  "  She's  dead  ;" 
"  I  sleep,  but  my  heart  awaketh." 

STEWART. 


Mr.  and  Mrs.  Bullis  sailed  with  him  for  Liver- 
pool the  following  day,  where  he  intended  to  take 
passage  for  the  United  States. 

"Abner,"  said  Mr.  Bullis,  "  come,  take  charge  of 
my  business  ;  I  cannot  trust  Lewis  again." 

"  Now,  Mr.  Bullis,  give  him  another  trial  ;  he  will 
be  more  careful  in  future.  I'll  have  to  bid  you  and 
Mrs.  Bullis  good  bye." 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  39 

After  leaving  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Bullis,  Abner  hurried 
to  catch  the  White  Star  Line  steamer  for  New  York. 
He  reached  Ismay,  Emire  &  Company's  office  in 
time  to  secure  a  stateroom.  This  done,  he  pro- 
ceeded at  once  to  the  dock,  where  he  shipped  for  the 
United  States.  His  heart  was  sad,  but  he  kept  it 
to  himself,  for  he  had  by  this  time  learned  to  hold 
his  own  council,  and  found  out  there  were  few 
people  in  the  world  he  could  trust  with  his  secrets. 
The  bell  rang,  and  away  moved  the  steamer  headed 
for  New  York,  shooting  clouds  of  black  smoke  high 
into  the  heavens. 

Abner  looked  around  to  see  if  he  could  see  some- 
one he  knew ;  could  not,  so  he  went  to  his  room  and 
when  supper  was  called,  he  was  fast  asleep.  When 
he  awoke,  all  sight  of  land  had  disappeared,  and 
he  was  again  on  the  bosom  of  the  mighty  deep. 
When  he  crossed  before,  he  was  too  sick  to  think 
of  any  one;  now — he  was  too  sad  to  think  of  any 
but  her  whose  body  he  had  laid  to  rest  in  the  bosom 
of  mother  earth  on  the  beautiful  hillsides  of 
Sweden. 

Half  dazed  with  grief,  he  wandered  over  to  the 
register  book,  and  looking  over  the  names,  was 
surprised  to  find  "  J.  F.  Straughan,  Dublin,"  "  Wil- 
liam M.  Straughan,  Dublin." 

"  Two  sons  of  the  high  and  mighty,"  he  mut- 
tered to  himself.  "  Well,  I  don't  care  to  meet  them, 
nor  do  they  care  for  me,  I  suppose." 


40  TOO    MUCH    BRO1  rfER-IN-LAW. 

First  day  passed ;  second,  third,  fourth,  also  fifth, 
and  Abner  was  ready  for  each  meal — quite  a  con- 
trast to  his  last  trip. 

"  I  will  go  for  curiosity,  and  see  how  the  young- 
sters are  getting  on.  I  wonder  if  they  are  sick." 

He  hadn't  long  to  wait,  for  the  doctor  of  the 
vessel  had  just  come  out  of  their  room  and  was 
talking  to  the  steward  about  them. 

"  One  of  them,"  he  said,  "  is  so  ill  I  am  afraid 
he  will  not  be  able  to  leave  the  vessel  when  she 
lands." 

"  Poor  fellow,"  said  Abner,  who  did  not  care  to 
see  the  sins  of  the  father  visited  on  the  children  in 
such  a  severe  manner. 

"  Seasickness  is  the  most  horrible  of  all  sickness," 
said  Mr.  Morely,  a  fellow  passenger. 

"  I  can  indorse  that  statement,"  said  Abner,  with 
a  shrug  of  his  shoulders.  "  I  was  sick  aH  the  way, 
on  my  last  voyage,  but  I  am  now  a  full-fledged  sea- 
dog  ;  nevertheless,  those  who  are  sick  have  my  most 
sincere  sympathy." 

"  Fog  bells  are  ringing  and  we  cannot  get  to  dock 
today,"  said  Abner  to  a  fellow  passenger,  "  if  it 
does  not  clear  up." 

"  Oh,  young  man,  I  hope  you  are  mistaken,  for  I 
am  expecting  my  family  to  meet  me,"  said  Mr. 
Morely.  "  I  do  not  care  to  stay  here  all  night,"  but 
fate  and  fog  said  stay,  and  stay  they  must. 

The  following  morning  was  bright  and  clear,  so 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  41 

the  vessel  came  steaming  up  by  Sandy  Hook,  and 
soon  the  passengers  were  on  their  way  to  New 
York. 

Abner,  on  walking  up  Broadway  recognized  the 
street  Arab  who  had  directed  him  to  the  Waldorf 
Astoria  when  he  first  landed.  Now  he  was  a  pros- 
perous fruit  vendor  and  a  leading  ward  politician. 
He  and  Teddy  O'Brien  ruled  the  "Ate  "  Ward  and 
were  for  Tammany  Hall  against  the  World  and  its 
goody  goodies. 

Abner  L'Estrange  was  soon  back  at  his  desk 
again,  and  the  world  went  on  as  usual.  Several 
months  passed  and  Abner  was  wondering  where 
the  young  Straughans  got  employment.  Of  course 
their  father  gave  them  his  blessing,  also  a  letter  of 
introduction  to  some  of  New  York  city's  Four 
Hundred. 

"  That  would,"  said  Abner,  "  aid  them  in  the  old 
world,  but  merit  alone  counts  here,  and  that  they 
haven't  got,  or  I  am  no  judge  of  human  nature." 

One  morning  as  Abner  was  at  work,  a  special 
delivery  boy  asked  for  him. 

"  I  am  he,"  said  Abner. 

"  Well,  sign  here,"  said  the  servant  of  Uncle 
Sam,  pointing  to  a  certain  line  in  his  book.  When 
he  had  signed,  he  handed  him  a  letter  which  he 
opened,  and  scanning  the  signature,  saw  it  was  from 
Frederick  Bullis,  Mabel's  only  brother.  It  read  as 
follows : 


42  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"Abner,  for  God's  sake,  come  at  once  and  see  if 
you  cannot  do  something  to  get  us  out.  The 
Bishop's  two  sons  and  myself  were  taken  in  the 
Parkhurst  raid  on  the  Bowery  and  they  will  not 
let  us  go,  and  we  have  no  one  to  go  bail  for  us. 
Yours  truly,  Frederick  Bullis." 

"  I'll  go  and  see  them,"  said  Abner,  "but "I  will 
not  get  my  name  in  the  papers,  or  stain  myself  with 
their  crimes.  When  did  Fred  come  over,  I 
wonder  ?  " 

Abner  reached  the  precinct  just  as  the  Captain 
was  going  out. 

"  Well,  L'Estrange,  what  are  you  after  this  morn- 
ing?" said  the  Captain  dryly. 

"  I  have  a  young  friend  in  the  toils,"  said  Abner, 
"  and  I  wish  to  see  if  I  can  get  you  to  let  him  go." 

The  Captain  turned  and  led  the  way  back.  When 
Abner  spoke  to  Bullis,  the  Captain  called  to  the 
officer  in  charge  and  said : 

"  What  are  the  charges  against  this  young  man, 
and  who  made  them  ?  " 

"  The  Parkhurst  brigade  fished  him  out  of  a  dive 
on  the  Bowery  this  morning  at  four  o'clock,  and 
they  will  be  here  tomorrow  to  prosecute  them,"  said 
the  sergeant. 

"  I  am  sorry,  L'Estrange,"  said  the  Captain, 
"  that  I  cannot  let  them  go  with  you.  I  would  if  I 
could;  but  I'll  tell  you  what  you  can  do — compel 
me  to  take  them  before  a  magistrate  and  there'll 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  43 

be  no  one  to  prosecute  them,  and  he  will  let  them 
go." 

"All  right,  said  Abner,  "  all  I  want  is  Fred 
Bullis ;  I  am  not  interested  in  the  other  two." 

"  L'Estrange,"  said  the  Captain,  "  take  him  along 
and  I'll  go  ahead  to  see  the  magistrate." 

"  Oh,  Abner,"  said  Fred,  "  do  not  leave  the 
Straughan  boys  in  jail  all  day  and  night,  take  them 
too.  Old  boy,  don't  you  remember  how  I  carried 
your  letters  to  Mabel  contrary  to  mother's  orders, 
and  her's  back  to  you.  You  said  then,  you  would 
never  forget  me  for  it.  Now,  do  this  favor  for  me 
and  we  will  count  it  square." 

"  Well,  square  let  it  be,"  said  Abner,  "  come  on 
boys.  Sergeant,  I'll  take  the  three  with  me,"  and 
they  all  walked  out  and  jumped  on  the  first  car, 
and  were  soon  before  the  magistrate,  who  called 
out  in  dignified  tones : 

"  Boys,  what  have  you  been  doing  ?  " 

"  Seeing  the  sights,"  said  the  sergeant,  "  and 
were  caught  in  the  Parkhurst  net." 

"  Well,  where  are  the  agents  ?  " 

"  Gone  home,  I  suppose,"  said  the  officer,  "  and 
will  probably  be  back  tomorrow." 

"  Boys,  you  may  go,"  said  the  Justice,  "  no  one 
to  prosecute  you." 

"  Thank  you,"  said  the  boys,  all  in  one  voice. 

"  I  wonder,"  thought  Abner,  "  if  I  am  heaping 
coals  of  fire  on  the  father's  head,  by  this  act." 


44  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  Where  are  you  going,  Fred  ?  "  said  Abner. 

"  I  am  going  home  on  the  next  steamer  for  Liver- 
pool, and  so  are  the  Straughan  boys." 

"  Well,  then,  meet  me  at  the  office  at  six  o'clock 
and  we  will  have  a  Yankee  dinner  together  before 
you  leave." 

"  All  right,"  said  they,  and  when  six  o'clock  came 
they  were  there.  The  Straughan  boys  felt  mean, 
for  Fred  had  just  told  them  how  their  father  forced 
Abner  to  leave  the  British  Isles  because  he  would 
not  say  a  child  was  regenerated  or  born  again,  but 
Abner  said: 

"Am  I  in  the  place  of  God  that  I  should  visit  the 
sins  of  the  father  on  the  children?  We  all  have 
enough  of  our  own  to  answer  for." 

Abner's  heart  was  as  large  as  an  ox's  and  the 
dinner  was  all  that  Delmonico  could  get  up. 
Mumm's  extra  dry,  and  Dublin  Stout  flowed  freely, 
and  it  was  ten  o'clock  when  the  last  course  was  over 
and  the  boys  sang,  "  He's  a  jolly  good  fellow." 

Next  morning  they  sailed  for  Liverpool  with 
grateful  hearts  to  Abner,  and  vowed  no  one  should 
ever  in  their  presence  say  Abner  L'Estrange  was 
not  the  prince  of  good  fellows. 

Seven  days  from  they  left  the  dock  Abner 
received  a  cablegram,  "All  safe;  Fred." 

Abner   never   again   heard    from   the   Bullis   or 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  45 

Stratighan    families,   but   he   was   always   thankful 
he  did  not  visit  their  father's  sins  upon  them. 

"  Come,  Abner,"  said  his  employer,  "  I  want  you 
to  go  to  Albany  and  watch  the  Croker-Platt  legis- 
lation, also  the  canal  leeches.  Keep  your  eye  on 
the  Amsterdam  Avenue  steal ;  also  the  dollar  gas 
bill." 

"All  right ;  when  do  you  want  me  to  start  ?  " 
"  Tomorrow  morning,  on  the  day  boat." 
Abner  was  up  early,  as  was  always  his  custom, 
and  was  ready  to  start  on  time  for  the  capital  ol 
the  Empire  State.  It  was  his  first  sail  up  the 
beautiful  Hudson  River,  and  he  enjoyed  it.  Its 
peaceful  waters  were  in  strong  contrast  to  the 
mighty  and  turbulent  Atlantic,  over  whose  wavy 
surface  he  three  times,  now,  had  sailed.  About 
six  p.m.  he  reached  Albany  and  he  domiciled  at 
the  famous  Keeler's  Hotel,  where  not  alone  is  it 
the  best  place  to  get  hot  food,  but  hot  politics  are 
also  dished  up  there.  There,  David  B.  Hill  feeds 
his  inner  man,  as  well  as  directs  the  Democratic 
members  in  the  legislature  from  its  'phone.  David 
prefers  this  hostlery  on  account  of  being  the  only 
place  where  he  is  safe  from  the  machinations  of  the 
female  sex,  as  single  gentlemen  only  are  visible 
everywhere,  as  well  as  on  the  sign.  Should  the 
fair  sex  ever  make  a  raid  on  David,  he  will  act  like 
Cervera's  fleet  at  Santiago  and  run  away  and  can 


46  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

only  be  attacked  from  the  rear.  I  doubt  if  they 
can  ever  land  him,  except  they  cut  off  his  retreat  to 
Wol fort's  roost.  I  know  this  to  be  a  fact,  for  I  have 
seen  old  and  young  ladies  trying  to  get  a  look  at 
the  ex-governor,  ex-senator,  would-be  president, 
and  I  am  a  Democrat.  He  wheeled  on  his  heel  like 
a  school  boy's  top  in  order  to  elude  their  gaze  and 
save  his  heart  from  the  would-be  plunderers.  Wol- 
fort's  Roost  is  a  beautiful  place.  It  was  laid  out, 
planned  and  built  by  the  never-to-be-forgotten 
Fritz  Emmett,  the  actor  whose  lullabies  were  often 
heard  from  its  walks  and  shades,  as  they  floated  on 
the  air  down  the  valley  to  the  Hudson  River. 
Emmett's  body,  as  well  as  the  late  President 
Arthur's,  lie  in  the  beautiful  rural  cemetery  a  little 
way  beyond.  The  knowing  ones  say  that  the  Hon- 
orable David  B.  Hill  selected  this  residence  so  that  he 
could  keep  one  eye  on  Senator  Murphy,  of  Troy, 
and  the  other  orb  on  Judge  D.  Cady  Herrick,  of 
Albany.  It  might  be,  for  it  is  in  plain  view  of  both 
cities  and  is  likewise  a  silent  place  for  politicians  to 
put  up  jobs,  like  the  Maynard  returns  and  the 
defeat  of  William  Jennings  Bryan,  or  of  Judge 
Van  Alstyne. 

When  Abner  started  next  morning  for  the  legis- 
lative halls  of  the  Capital,  he  found  a  motley  crowd 
had  gathered  to  fight  the  present  labor  business 
trading  stamp  act.  Among  them  were  several  labor 
leaders  and  some  manufacturers  who  were  on  their 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  47 

last  legs  and  wanted  an  excuse  to  die.  Among 
them,  Monroe  over-estimated  Woolcraft,  whose 
eloquence  was  closely  confined  to  his  stomach. 
There,  thickly  coated  with  gall,  it  lay  dormant, 
except  when  it  caused  this  manufacturer  to  shake 
as  if  he  had  convulsions,  or  was  afflicted  with  a  bad 
case  of  worms.  Moses  W.  Dodge,  the  shoe  manu- 
facturer, was  always  there  and  honestly  there,  for 
he  believed  prison  competition  was  working  ruin  on 
his  business.  He  showed  by  statistics  and  facts  the 
injustice  of  prison  labor  with  free  labor.  Next,  was 
George  Blair,  a  laboring  man's  friend — God  bless 
the  mark — from  New  York  city,  and  the  orator 
from  Troy — for  revenue  only — who  quietly  asked 
Mr.  Dodge  if  there  was  any  money  in  it.  On  being 
told  there  wasn't,  he  had  very  important  business 
to  attend  to  and  was  sorry  he  had  to  leave  them, 
"  But,"  he  added,  "  Mr.  Dodge,  I'm  with  you." 

Abner  at  first  thought  the  members  of  the  Assem- 
bly and  Senators  were  honest,  but  after  a  while,  he 
found  them  introducing  a  bill-  one  day,  and  next 
day  lobbying  against  it.  Cries  of  Lou  Payne,  the 
noted  lobbyist,  were  heard  on  every  side,  and  the 
hungry  ones  were  like  young  sparrows  in  a  nest — 
had  their  mouths  open  for  the  long  green  for  their 
votes  on  bills,  resolutions  and  investigations.  Platt 
leaders  were  tearing  Croker's  representative  to 
pieces ;  in  their  cultured  indignation  would  say : 
"  Was  there  ever  such  a  scoundrel  as  the  sage  from 


48  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Wantage  ? "  and  Croker's  Tommy  Grady  would 
reply,  "  Yes,  the  shadow  from  Tioga  county."  Tom 
Platt  lived  in  former  years  on  the  banks  of  a  beau- 
tiful river,  where  fish  and  water  fowl  abound,  and 
in  his  boyhood  days  hunted  and  fished  on  its  waters. 
Many  a  time,  he  followed  the  wild  duck  and  her 
young  and  learned  a  lesson  from  her  make-believe 
actions — a  lesson  which  he  and  his  followers  now 
practiced  with  profit. 

This  boy,  who  was  then  like  all  boys — full  of 
mischief — one  day  hunted  the  wild  duck  and  her 
young,  and  at  first  he  thought  the  mother's  back, 
legs  and  wings  were  broken  as  she  fluttered,  seem- 
ingly helpless,  along  in  the  grass. 

"  Oh,  I'll  catch  that  duck  in  a  minute ;  she's 
badly  wounded.  See  how  she  cannot  fly — no,  nor 
even  walk,"  and  he  sprang  after  her.  Now  he  was 
beside  her,  and  as  he  reached  down  to  lift  her  up 
she  scrambled  a  little  further  on.  He  again  pur- 
sued her  and  reached  for  her,  but  she  again  fluttered 
on  and  on,  until  the  perspiration  rolled  off  him  and 
he  laid  down  all  wet  and  exhausted  on  the  grass. 
The  duck,  seeing  now  that  her  offspring  were  all 
safely  hidden  in  the  rushes  and  out  of  danger,  shot, 
as  if  on  magic  wings,  into  the  air,  dropped  a  feather 
to  the  wily  Tom  with  a  squawk,  and  turning  her 
neck,  looked  down  at  the  future  Senator — and,  later 
on,  Republican  boss — and  said,  "  Did  you  ever  get 
left !  Go  way  back  and  sit  down !  " 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  49 

If  he  understood  her  he  did  not  obey,  but  walked 
to  where  the  canvas-back  dropped  the  feather  as 
she  flew,  thinking  to  carry  it  home  and  show  his 
mother  how  near  he  was  to  game  that  day,  but 
when  he  got  there,  he  did  not  care  for  the  feather ; 
so,  with  rapid  strides,  he  made  for  home,  vowing 
vengeance  on  all  the  pinioned  creatures  of  the  air, 
land  and  water. 

"  Wait,"  he  said  to  himself,  "  until  my  Legis- 
lature meets,  and  I'll  rush  a  bill  through  both  houses 
which  will  square  you  and  I.  You  can  laugh  today, 
but  my  gun  will  soon  laugh  at  you.  If  I  cannot 
get  a  bill  through  on  the  game  laws,  I'll  saddle  a 
rider  on  to  my  State  Constabulary  which  will  end 
you." 

Like  the  Constabulary  Bill,  his  game  bill  never 
materialized.  It  was  smothered  in  committee  and 
the  duck  still  swims  on  the  lake  in  peace. 

The  lesson  he  learned  was  a  hard  one,  con- 
sequently, never  was  forgotten.  In  later  years,  he 
pursued  larger  game — presidents,  vice-presidents, 
governors,  lieutenant-governors,  judges,  senators, 
assemblymen  and  ward  heelers,  all  had  their 
feathers  taken  out  if  they  ever  pulled  off  the  rubber 
band  from  across  their  wings.  He  never  uses  a 
collar  on  his  serfs — just  pulls  out  the  quill  feathers 
if  they  ever  violate  any  of  his  orders,  which  he 
always  considers  ex-cathedra.  He  often  repeats 
to  himself  with  swollen  chest : 


50  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  By  me  presidents  and  governors  rule  and  judges 
do  decree  justice.  I  am  he  that  said  to  Conklin, 
'  Me  too.'  I  am  he  that  said  to  Governor  Black, 
'  You  are  weighed  in  the  balance  and  found  want- 
ing.' I  am  he  that  said  to  Governor  Cornell,  '  I 
won't  have  you  at  any  cost;  step  down  and  out.' 
I  am  he  with  my  bow  and  arrow  that  slew  James  G. 
Elaine.  I  am  he  that  made  Cleveland,  and  after- 
wards gave  him  a  ticket-of-leave.  I  am  he  that 
created  and  guided  the  Republican  cyclone  that 
buried  bachelor  David.  I  am  he  that  put  Billy 
Barnes  in  power  in  Albany  County,  and  he  holds 
well  his  trust.  I  am  he  who  was  so  often  killed,  but 
it  alive  again.  I  am  he  that  resigns  in  June,  hangs 
on  in  December,  blooms  out  at  Spring  elections  and 
gathers  the  fruit  in  the  Fall.  I  am  he  that  does  not 
care  on  what  platform  I  gather  in  the  golden  eagle, 
or  how  it  comes  to  me — by  express  or  through  a 
security  company.  I  act  sometimes  like  St.  Paul, 
'All  things  to  all  men' — that's  before  election ;  but  I 
am  like  Mike  McCarthy,  sometimes,  after  election, 
who,  in  his  speech,  said :  '  Jintlemin,  I  kissed  your 
feet,  regardless  of  odor,  before  iliction;  you  may 
kiss  mine  now — until  next  iliction.'  Tom  Platt, 
however,  rarely  ever  makes  a  promise  but  he  keeps, 
nor  a  threat  but  he  executes;  and  herein  lieth  the 
secret  of  his  tremendous  power,  and  it  is  gaining  in 
strength,  instead  of  waning,  as  some  try  to  make 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  51 

themselves  believe  who  wish  for  selfish  reasons  to 
see  him  fall." 

This  passage  of  words,  though,  was  just  to  keep 
the  eye  of  the  public  off  the  Platt-Crocker  com- 
bination and  it  served  its  purpose.  Until  recently, 
Justice  Jerome  sent  his  fiery  dart  into  the  joints  of 
their  armor,  dividing  asunder  two  great  leaders 
of  that  unholy  alliance.  Abner  now  could  see  where 
Platt  practiced  the  make-believe  tactics  learned 
from  the  wild  duck  in  his  youth,  for  when  a  cry 
was  raised  and  the  people  were  about  to  go  for  him 
and  his  followers,  he  would  feign  all  his  power 
was  gone  and  that  his  friends  were  all  turned 
against  him.  Like  the  dissembling  wild  duck,  he 
would  pretend  debility  and  prostration,  and  for  the 
time  being,  would  give  up  all  and  his  enemies  would 
reach  for  his  scalp  with  joy.  He  would  scramble 
on  and  on,  however,  until  all  his  offspring  were  hid 
and  their  tracks  covered ;  then,  like  the  wild  duck, 
the  opportune  moment  came  and  he  would  show  his 
power,  make  his  own  peculiar  noise,  perfectly 
understood  by  his  followers,  and  in  a  short  time,  all 
the  family  were  happy  together  again.  The  storm 
had  passed,  the  people's  eyes  were  turned  from  the 
real  object  of  their  fury,  and  the  wolf  and  the  lamb 
once  more  lay  down  together.  Resignations,  inves- 
tigations, condemnations,  and  everything  but  nom- 
inations, were  forgotten,  and  the  wily  but  truthful 
Tom  was  on  the  box  again  and  the  Republican 


52  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

machine  was  in  good  working  order  with  a  first- 
class  coachman  for  whip.  The  assaults  made  on 
the  leaders  of  both  parties  by  the  Opposition,  may 
have  hoodwinked  and  blindfolded  others,  but 
Abner's  vision  was  then  clear  and  he  could  see,  like 
Johnny  Murphy  of  old,  bad  on  both  sides.  The 
Raines  law  slipped  through  unnoticed  by  the  public, 
and  Croker  and  Platt  had  the  big  game  between 
them,  so  they  decided  to  divide  the  territory.  All 
bonds  below  Harlem  Bridge  were  to  be  issued  by 
Crocker  Company,  and  all  above  by  Tom  Platt's 
Company,  so  what  Dick  hadn't,  Tom  had. 

Abner  got  disgusted  watching  the  movements  of 
Senators,  wire  pullers  and  lobbyists  who  looked  to 
him  like  the  Irishman's  flea,  "  Now  you  have  them 
and  now  you  haven't."  He  sought  an  opportunity 
to  go  into  business,  which  he  soon  found,  and  in  a 
little  while,  he  was  well  established  and  had  un- 
limited credit  with  manufacturers  and  banks.  His 
business  increased  daily  under  his  ever-watchful 
eye,  and  thoughts  of  failure  for  him  were  never  even 
dreamed  of. 

"  I  shall  move  from  this  street  and  give  all  my 
attention  to  my  own  business,  he  was  heard  to  say, 
and  he  did. 

One  day,  as  he  was  on  his  tour  squaring  up  his 
accounts,  he  met  her  who,  one  year  after,  became 
his  wife. 

She  was  tall,  of  a  kind  disposition  and  made  a 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  53 

most  faithful  wife,  until  influenced  against  him  by 
her  brother  Barney,  or  "  By." 

"  By  "  was  one  of  those  individuals  whom  nature 
puts  on  the  world  for  spite;  he  was  small,  round- 
shouldered,  stooped  and  bow-legged.  His  gait  gave 
him  a  monopoly  on  that  kind  of  carriage.  He 
walked  along  with  one  shoulder  higher  than  the 
other,  and  instead  of  faced  front,  he  put  his  shoulder 
to  the  wind,  which,  to  say  the  least,  gave  him  a 
grotesque  appearance.  His  feet  were  fastened  like 
water- fowls' — wide  to  the  toes;  and  his  face 
resembled  a  yellow  globe  turnip  which  the  chickens 
had  picked.  In  complexion,  he  closely  resembled 
the  corncob.  His  nose  was  neither  Grecian,  Dutch, 
nor  Roman,  but  looked  like  a  piece  of  daub  which 
a  schoolboy  had  thrown  at  him  and  it  stuck  there. 
He,  several  years  before,  left  his  name  on  the  police 
blotter  for  a  crime  of  the  lowest  grade.  The  defense 
he  offered  was  even  more  diabolical  than  the  crime, 
and  people  who  knew  his  partners  in  business, 
would  exclaim : 

"  Why  don't  they  put  that  little  monster  out  ?  " 
And  they  did.  He  found  his  way  to  a  Western 
city,  but  he  had  a  hard  road  to  hoe,  for  like  the 
Upas  tree,  his  presence  blasted  everything  his 
shadow  fell  on.  Like  Cain,  the  mark  of  the  beast 
was  on  his  forehead,  but,  like  the  serpent,  his 
machiavelian  nature  caught  a  mate,  and  woe  to  her. 
She  was  like  St.  Paul,  "Had  to  die  daily." 


54  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Starvation  constantly  stared  her  in  the  face,  while 
it  was  no  uncommon  thing  for  the  angels  of  the 
town  to  call  on  her  for  their  cuff  buttons  which  her 
licentious  husband  put  in  his  pocket  the  night 
before.  Such  treatment  and  shame  soon  compelled 
her  womanly  nature  to  rebel,  and  she  sought  relief 
from  the  court;  and  now,  she  blesses  the  stars  in 
her  zenith  that  she  is  no  more  associated  with  the 
monster  who,  like  Bonner,  makes  a  pastime  of 
inflicting  misery  on  his  fellow  creatures.  She  is 
off,  but  another  victim  to  his  charms  is  hoodwinked 
and  ruined.  She  falls  a  prey  to  his  lust,  and  then 
he  sinks  to  his  lowest  depth,  puts  her  up  to  place 
the  blame  on  a  respectable  physician  in  the  North- 
west, who  is  father  of  a  family. 

"  Go,"  said  this  unprincipled  lump  of  animated 
mud,  to  her,  one  day,  "  demand  that  he  give  you 
medical  aid  and  five  hundred  in  cash,  and  bring 
me  back  two  hundred  and  fifty  of  it  for  my  share." 

She  obeyed,  and  two  days  afterwards  gave  him 
the  amount. 

"  That  is  right,"  he  said,  clapping  her  on  the 
back,  as  he  walked  over  the  street  to  the  opposite 
side. 

Next  he  showed  up  in  New  York  and  there  he 
followed  his  villainous  deeds.  Another  victim  to 
his  pretentions  and  wiles  is  in  the  Mohawk  Valley. 
If  blood  this  coward  dared  not  shed,  blood  he 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  55 

bled  severely,  having,  like  a  Western  cyclone, 
caused  ruin  in  his  wake. 

He,  one  morning,  put  his  unwelcome  nose — 
bless  the  mark — into  Abner's  home.  His  sister  fed 
and  clothed  him.  Scarce  was  he  seated  when  he 
commenced  his  infamous,  underhanded  work.  The 
home  which  heretofore  knew  no  disputes,  was 
almost  rent  assunder.  Not  daring  to  carry  his 
nefarious  deals  any  further  at  Abner's  home,  he 
persuaded  his  sister  to  meet  him  in  New  York, 
where  they  completed  their  plans  for  Abner's  ruin. 
He  was  to  supply  the  brains  and  she  the  money. 

He  soon  pretended  that  he  was  carrying  on  a  big 
business,  and  had  a  lot  of  goods  on  hand. 

"  Money,  money,"  was  his  cry  in  every  mail. 
"  I'll  soon  have  enough  to  run  the  business." 

She,  knowing  him  of  old,  had  some  doubts  of  his 
honesty,  so  she  said  to  Abner : 

"  I'll  go  to  New  York  city  with  Margaret  and 
see  what  '  By  '  is  at." 

Well,  "  By "  was  at  his  old  tricks,  and  she 
couldn't  find  "  By,",  goods,  or  the  money ;  so  she 
wrote  Abner.  It  was  good  bye  to  "  By  "  and  cash, 
and  returning  home  she  said  that  was  the  last  time 
she  would  be  swindled  by  him. 

But  it  was  not;  he  would  do  it  again  and  again. 
His  kind-hearted  and  noble  sister  in  the  West,  who 
had  fed  and  clothed  him  for  many  years,  now  was 
tired  of  him,  and  someone  had  to  feed  this  good- 


56  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

for-nothing ;  for  things  of  that  kind  are  like  cripples 
and  bastards — they  never  die.  Like  the  serpent  in 
the  Garden  of  Eden,  and  like  the  thistle  in  the  field, 
they  are  sent  for  a  purpose;  but  like  rats,  mice, 
fleas  and  bed-bugs,  we  poor  mortals  have  to  stand 
their  bites  and  stings  and  can  see  no  good  in  them. 

Days  rolled  on.  This  fiend  incarnate  lived  in 
luxury  on  what  he  had  stolen  from  Abner  and  his 
sister.  No  more  was  heard  of  him,  until  his  sister 
left  Abner  in  the  West,  to  put  in  her  claim  against 
Abner's  estate,  which  was  now  in  the  trustee's 
hands.  Abner  had  put  his  money  into  the  Carson 
River  Alining  Company,  and  like  others,  lost  all. 
His  failure  brought  on  a  severe  illness  and  he  could 
not  attend  to  his  business  any  more. 

Inquiries  came,  but  to  all  she  was  directed  by 
"  By  "  to  answer : 

"  He  is  not  mentally,  morally,  or  financially  able 
to  attend  to  your  bill ;  put  in  your  claim." 

Days  passed  and  came,  but  no  word  from  her  to 
Abner  for  three  weeks.  He  was  sick  and  alone. 
He  would  write  to  her  daily,  but  no  reply,  for 
"  By  "  and  his  sister  now  were  making  preparations 
to  rob  him,  if  any  was  left  after  the  creditors  were 
satisfied. 

One  day  he  got  a  letter  unsigned : 

"  Send  all  cash,  notes  and  papers  to  me,  and  we 
will  settle  for  you." 

And  he  did,  and  for  six  months  after,  he  did  not 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  57 

hear  from  them.  She,  now  seeing  his  poverty  and 
broken  health,  resolved  to  keep  what  she  had  and 
get  rid  of  him.  He  was  nervous  and  irritable,  and 
she  thought  she  could  work  him  up  to  a  point 
where  she  could  make  out  he  was  insane  and  have 
him  incarcerated  as  a  lunatic  in  some  asylum. 

Abner,  not  hearing  from  her,  worried  himself 
sick,  and  for  days  he  rolled  in  bed  alone  on  Pied- 
mont Heights,  no  one  to  cheer  or  comfort  him. 
But  he  thought  not  of  himself,  but  of  her  whom  he 
mourned  as  sick  in  New  York.  Doctor  Thaur, 
when  he  heard  of  his  illness,  came  to  him  and  did 
all  that  could  be  done  for  him.  He  recovered  at 
last  and  resolved  to  go  East. 

It  grieved  him  sorely  to  break  up  his  little  home 
in  this  beautiful  spot,  which  nature  and  man  had 
made.  Piedmont  is  the  most  healthy  and  beautiful 
spot  on  earth.  It  is  about  three  miles  from  Oak- 
land, and  reached  by  the  Oakland  electric  cars.  A 
syndicate  has  purchased  almost  all  the  land  and  are 
beautifying  it  all  the  time.  Piedmont  has  a  beau- 
tiful park  and  club  house.  The  park  is  the  finest 
in  Alameda  County.  It  is  tastefully  and  artistically 
laid  out,  with  walks  under  shade  trees,  along  run- 
ning brooks.  Its  entrance  is  one  mass  of  plants 
and  shrubs,  all  kept  in  the  finest  order.  Nature  did 
a  lot  for  Piedmont.  Her  sulphur  and  pure  spring 
water  are  a  blessing.  Man,  also,  has  treated  her 
kindly  and  helped  her  very  much  on  the  road  to 


58  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

perfection.  In  a  few  years  it  will  be  a  perfect  spot. 
The  people  in  Piedmont  are  kindness  personified, 
and  the  stranger  who  comes  within  their  gates  will 
surely  regret  leaving  them. 

When  Abner  told  them  he  was  going  East  they 
loaded  him  down  with  good  things  to  eat  on  the 
way,  among  them,  a  rooster  and  some  boiled  eggs, 
with  a  good  bottle  of  wine  to  wash  it  down.  Mr. 
M.  T.  House  and  his  kind-hearted,  as  well  as 
beautiful  wife,  contributed  these  towards  his  com- 
fort from  the  most  noble  as  well  as  kindly  motives, 
but  it  was  very  near  getting  Abner  into  trouble. 

Scarce  had  he  boarded  the  train,  when  a  smoked 
Irishman  called  to  him : 

"  What  have  you  in  the  bundle  ?  " 

"A  fine  rooster  and  some  nice  eggs,"  was  Abner's 
innocent  reply. 

"  Take  them  to  the  baggage  car,"  said  the  dusky 
son  of  Africa. 

Abner  did  not  relish  the  suggestion  and  said: 

"  Not  by  a  d — n  sight.  I  would  not  trust  the 
baggage  man  with  such  a  precious  morsel ;  I'll  keep 
them  where  I  can  keep  my  eye  on  them." 

"  I'll  see  whether  you  will  or  not,"  said  the  hire- 
ling of  the  Southern  Pacific  monopoly. 

Abner  now  felt  like  the  fox  in  the  fable.  He 
feared  they  would  take  his  rooster  and  eggs  away 
from  him,  also  his  wine,  so  he  made  ready  for  the 
fray.  He  had  not  long  to  wait,  for  into  the  car 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  59 

with  stately  step  came  the  conductor,  and  with  the 
strut  of  a  turkey  gobbler,  he  advanced  towards 
Abner  and  his  rooster. 

"  I  am  C.  P.  Huntington,"  was  plainly  visible  on 
his  face,  or,  I  should  have  said,  he  had  as  much 
luggs  on  as  if  he  were  president  of  the  road.  He 
was  closely  followed  by  the  special  conductor  and 
three  brakemen,  one  kitchen  walloper  and  two 
attendants  out  of  the  feed  car.  He  evidently 
anticipated  trouble  and  thought  he  would  not  come 
single  handed. 

"  Take  that  rooster  out  of  this  passenger  car," 
he  said,  in  anything  but  a  prayer-meeting  voice. 
"  This  is  not  a  cattle  car ;  or,  if  you  don't,  I'll  have 
it  removed." 

Abner,  who  was  anything  but  an  infant,  squared 
himself  up  to  over  six  feet  tall,  with  forty-eight 
inches  chest,  and  said  in  a  mild  and  gentlemanly 
voice : 

"If  any  man  lays  hands  on  me  or  my  rooster, 
the  rooster  will  not  be  the  only  corpse  in  the  car." 

This  lord  of  all  creation  turned  on  his  heel,  fol- 
lowed by  his  understrappers,  and  amidst  the  jeers  of 
the  passengers,  walked  out  of  the  car.  All  but  the 
poor  rooster  enjoyed  the  humiliating  spectacle  the 
gentleman  with  the  brass  buttons  presented  as  he 
led  his  gang  of  dumb  tools  out  of  view  of  the  pas- 
sengers, who  were  now  screaming  with  laughter, 
and  saying,  "  Go  way  back  and  sit  down." 


60  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

The  train  moved  out  of  Oakland  amidst  trees, 
shrubs  and  plants  in  full  bloom,  and  wheat  fields 
twelve  inches  high,  to  rush,  before  noon  the  same 
day,  into  a  snow  bank  on  the  Sierra  Nevada  mount- 
ain range.  We  travelled  under  snowsheds,  where 
the  blackest  night  is  midday  compared  with  the 
darkness  that  prevails  under  those  roofed  valleys  in 
the  mountains.  Once  more  in  the  light,  we  were 
flying  around  rocks,  over  canyons  miles  deep.  The 
Rocky  Mountains  lay  in  the  distance  covered  with 
the  emblem  of  spotless  purity — beautiful  snow — 
making  them  look  to  the  observer  like  huge  animals 
asleep  with  white  counterpane  covers  on  them, 
while  the  sun  shone  on  them,  making  water  run 
down  their  sides  like  perspiration  off  a  .beast  of 
burden  under  African  sun.  "  Grand,"  "  awe- 
inspiring,"  were  heard  from  the  passengers  on 
every  side. 

Amidst  all  these  grandeurs  and  changes  of 
scenery  the  passengers  grew  hungry  and  com- 
menced to  inquire  for  the  dining  car.  We  left  it 
at  Sacramento;  will  take  one  on  at  Denver  again. 
The  rooster  was  now  all  gone,  for  Abner  had 
divided  it  up  with  his  neighbors,  and  "  Many  hands 
made  light  work."  Abner  was  now  indeed  hungry. 

"  Ten  minutes  for  refreshments,"  sang  out  the 
copper-colored  son  of  Ham,  at  the  next  station. 

Just  as  his  melodious  voice  died  on  the  mountain 
air,  a  roar  like  near-by  thunder  sent  the  cold  chills 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  61 

down  the  spinal  columns  of  the  passengers,  and 
down  from  the  mountain  tops  rolled  a  massive  rock 
which  fell  within  a  few  rods  of  the  flying  engine. 
The  ever  watchful  pilot  of  the  iron  horse  realized 
his  danger  at  once,  sent  a  loud,  shrill  whistle  down 
the  valleys  for  help,  applied  the  brakes  with 
alacrity,  which  caused  the  cars  to  bump,  bump,  and 
almost  jump  the  track  into  the  river  below.  Women 
fainting,  children  squalling,  and  in  a  few  minutes, 
workingmen  over  the  cars  were  crawling. 

"All  excitement,"  said  Pat.  "  We're  anchored 
for  a  day  and  a  '  nite  '  anyway,"  said  the  uncon- 
soling  son  of  the  Isle  of  bogs  and  blarney. 

The  passengers  were  now  all  in  earnest  prayer, 
among  them,  Abner,  whose  prayer  was  that  the 
rooster  might  come  back  to  him. 

Pat  walked  up  and  down  the  car,  muttering  to 
himself,  "I'll  be  late  for  me  job;  some  other  son 
of  a  gun  will  get  it  before  I  get  there." 

"  Why  don't  you  pray,  Pat,"  said  a  clerical-look- 
ing individual,  whose  collar  resembled  a  tub  hoop. 

"I'd  rather  have  a  few  pounds  of  dynamite  at 
that  rock  than  all  the  prayers  in  Chrystendom," 
said  Pat,  as  he  secreted  the  little  end  of  a  tobacco 
cake  in  his  mouth  and  commenced  to  ruminate  on 
it. 

After  three  hours  a  tender  came  with  dynamite 
and  the  rock  was  blown  to  pieces  and  thrown  into 
the  river  below. 


62  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"All  aboard,"  said  the  trainmen,  and  we  were 
on  our  way  around  the  mountain  foot,  over  immense 
prairies,  heading  for  the  long-looked- for  "  Ten 
minutes  for  refreshment "  establishment,  which  we 
reached  at  last. 

The  passengers  rushed  out  of  the  car  and  went 
straight  to  the  dining-room  door,  where  plainly 
could  be  seen,  "  Pay  as  you  go  in." 

"  Fifty  cents,  please,"  said  the  man  with  his  face 
in  a  muff,  who  stood  at  the  gate  to  see  you  give  up 
your  money  before  you  enter. 

Just  as  the  last  passenger  entered  and  had  paid 
her  half  dollar,  the  conductor  sang  out,  "All 
aboard,"  and  "  all  aboard  "  it  was. 

Abner,  seeing  the  trick,  stood  upon  a  high  chair 
and  in  stentorian  tones,  said: 

"  Fellow  passengers  :  we  haven't  strength  enough 
to  hold  the  train.  I  move  we  take  all  in  sight  with 
us,  except  that  whiskered  old  varmint  at  the  door." 

As  if  inspired,  every  man  grabbed  the  food  in 
front  of  him,  rushed  for  the  door  and  got  safely 
aboard. 

The  conductor  came  along  and  said  all  would  be 
arrested  at  next  station. 

"  Well,  let  it  be  so,"  said  Abner.  "  I  move,  fellow 
passengers,  that  we  club  in  here,  hire  a  lawyer  and 
have  this  conductor  and  the  restaurant  keeper 
indicted  and  punished  for  conspiracy." 

"  Be  jabers,"  said   Pat,  "  Mister,  I  am  a  poor 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  63 

working  man,  but  I'll  give  you  ten  dollars  to  punish 
the  swindlers." 

Soon,  two  hundred  was  pledged,  but  was  not 
needed.  The  conductor  read  the  handwriting  on  the 
wall  and  noi  arrests  were  made. 

Now,  we  were  gliding  over  plain,  prairie  and 
crag,  and  soon  would  reach  Denver.  Our  most 
substantial  food  for  many  hours  was  hope,  sand- 
wiched by  swearing  at  the  ticket  agents  in  San 
Francisco,  who  sold  us  tickets  and  guaranteed  a 
dining  car  all  the  way. 

Denver,  at  last,  was  reached,  and  all  got  out  for 
a  walk  and  square  meal.  When  they  got  on  board 
again,  they  were  like  the  camels  in  the  desert  of  old, 
loaded  with  good  things  to  eat — meat,  fruit  and 
bread,  with  a  little  mountain  dew  from  Kentucky, 
and  the  mingled  souls  of  wheat  and  corn  from  Mil- 
waukee. But  all  this  preparation  was  not  needed, 
for  the  dining  car  was  put  on  and  not  taken  off 
again  until  we  reached  Chicago;  or  if  it  was, 
another  was  put  on. 

We  reached  Chicago  about  six  p.m.,  and  Abner 
put  up  at  the  Grand  Pacific  for  the  night.  In  the 
morning  he  intended  to  make  a  short  call  on  his 
cousin  who  lived  at  No.  6036  Monroe  Avenue. 
That  night  Abner  did  not  sleep,  and  when  morning 
came,  instead  of  waiting  to  see  his  relatives,  he 
took  the  first  train  for  New  York,  and  was  met  at 
the  depot  by  his  brother-in-law. 


64  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

When  he  asked  how  his  wife  was,  he  was  told 
she  was  sick  at  a  boarding-house  about  two  miles 
out,  and  that  he  could  not  see  her  that  night. 
Abner  had  been  given  to  understand  that  his  wife 
was  dangerously  ill  and  that  was  the  reason  she 
could  not  answer  his  letters,  but  the  morning 
dawned  and  all  the  fog  was  driven  away. 

Delilah,  Abner 's  wife,  was  not  sick,  but  was  up  in 
Albany  putting  up  a,  job  with  Abner's  creditor's  to 
ruin  him  for  life.  This  weak-minded,  foolish  and 
deceitful  woman  was  working,  as  she  herself  said, 
under  orders  from  her  brother  "  By."  She,  who  at 
the  altar  had  sworn  to  love  Abner,  was  now  playing 
the  part  of  her  illustrious  namesake  who  betrayed 
Samson.  "  By."  telegraphed  her  that  Abner  was 
here  and  for  her  to  come.  She  came,  and  the  trai- 
torous look  was  indelibly  written  on  her  face.  Cold 
as  a  marble  figure,  she  said  to  Abner: 

"  What  made  you  come  East  ?  We  could  get 
along  without  you  very  well." 

That  was  true,  so  they  could,  if  they  could  only 
get  money  enough,  for  now  she  was  transformed 
by  her  brother  into  "a  wife  for  what  I  can  get  out 
of  my  husband  to  keep  brother  '  By.'  and  myself." 

The  fountain  of  her  love  for  Abner  had  been 
choked  up  by  her  brother's  lies  and  treachery.  She 
hated  him  with  all  her  soul,  and  daily  wished  him 
dead,  and  so  expressed  herself  to  him.  Heartless 
is  no  name  for  her  treatment  of  him.  In  order  to 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  65 

carry  out  her  brother's  scheme,  she  told  the  neigh- 
bors she  twice  saved  him  from  self-destruction,  but 
Jaspar,  a  youth  of  sixteen  summers,  exclaimed : 

"  How  could  you  do  that  ?  Mr.  L'Estrange  is  a 
powerful  man,  and  you  are  a  weak  and  feeble 
woman." 

"  Well,  I  did  it,  Jaspar." 

But  it  did  not  go  down,  for  Jaspar  was  one  of 
those  who  were  on  to  the  schemes  and  condemned 
them.  He  heard  herself  and  brother  plot  against 
the  innocent  husband's  life — plots  that  make  the 
Rye  House  pale  into  insignificance,  but  Abner  knew 
of  them  beforehand  and  they  were  all  cut  in  the 
bud,  for  this  Guy  Fawkes  was  caught  in  all  his 
schemes  and  she  was  now  beginning  to  look  on  him 
with  suspicion  again. 

So  one  day  she  followed  him  into  his  office  and 
found,  while  she  was  paying  his  board  with  the 
cash  that  she  had  taken  from  her  husband,  he  was 
keeping  a  typewriter  for  business  known  to  all  in 
the  building. 

Mad  as  a  March  hare  she  left  him  and  promised 
she  would  no  longer  steal  money  from  her  husband 
to  pay  Mrs.  Oliver  Cromwell  her  immoral 
brother's  board.  Had  she  the  backbone  to  do 
right?  Well,  no;  for  next  week  Abner  caught  her 
paying  his  board  again.  This,  in  his  poverty,  made 
him  angry,  and  he  forbade  her,  and  she  promised 
not  to  do  it  again;  but  she  did. 


66  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

They  now  saw  they  could  not  rob  Abner  by 
inches,  so  determined  to  take  all  from  him  and 
leave  him.  Jaspar  Cromwell  told  Abner  that  they 
were  putting  up  a  job,  they  and  a  widow  lady  with 
her  husband  alive,  to  live  in  a  house  where  Abner 
knew  not,  and  they  were  to  go  tomorrow,  three  of 
them,  to  look  for  it.  Abner,  knowing  this,  asked 
Delilah  where  she  was  going,  and  she  answered : 

"  I  am  going  with  a  lady  up  stairs  on  her  busi- 
ness." 

"  Cannot  I  go  along?  " 

"  We  are  going  on  special  business  for  the  lady 
up  stairs,  and  you  cannot  come." 

"  Well,  your  brother  is  going,"  Abner  said. 

"  No,  he's  not ;  no  one  but  us  two." 

Now  Abner  knew  she  was  telling  an  untruth,  for 
Jaspar — in  whom  he  had  implicit  confidence — told 
him  the  three  were  going.  So,  to  catch  her  in  the 
lie,  Abner  started  out  after  them  and  he  waited  until 
"  By."  had  purchased  three  tickets,  and  then  came 
on  the  scene,  much  to  her  chagrin,  and  in  her  usual 
temper,  when  caught,  she  said,  "  He  got  three 
tickets  for  ten  cents,  through  mistake,  from  the 
ticket  agent.  I  told  you  only  two  were  going." 

Abner's  confidence  was  fast  giving  way,  and  he 
now  could  see  his  wife  in  her  true  colors.  She 
was  selfish,  unreliable,  unprincipled,  as  well  as  dis- 
honest to  him,  and  he  now  knew  it,  and  he  watched 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  67 

every  move  she  or  her  good-for-nothing  brother 
made. 

It  was  Abner's  custom  to  go  out  early  for  a  walk 
and  get  back  when  Mrs.  Cromwell  had  breakfast 
ready.  One  morning,  Jaspar  suggested  that  Abner 
listen  on  the  stairs  and  he  would  hear  their  plot 
when  they  thought  he  was  gone  out.  He  had  not 
long  to  wait,  for  "  By."  called  to  Delilah,  asking  if 
she  were  awake. 

"  I  am." 

"Is  Abner  there?" 

"  No,  he's  gone  out  for  a  walk.  I  hope  some- 
thing may  happen  the  lunatic  before  he  gets  back." 

"  Well,  Delilah,  I  have  thought  of  a  scheme,  and 
I  am  sure  if  it  is  properly  carried  out,  it  will  end 
him." 

"  Poison  him,  I  suppose  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,  I  would  not  do  that ;  we'd  get  caught." 

"  Nothing  will  be  done  to  him  to  Injure  him," 
she  said ;  "  he  is  sick  and  ought  to  be  cared  for 
by  his  own  people.  I  asked  him  yesterday  why  he 
didn't  go  to  his  own  sister,  and  he  answered,  '  I 
will,  if  you  don't  care  for  me  any  longer,  go  to  my 
cousin's  in  Washington  and  they  will  take  care  of 
me.'  I  hate  them,  and  I  will  not  let  them  have  him, 
for  they  might  make  me  give  up  what  I  stole  from 
him.  I  cannot  get  any  more  out  of  him,  so  I  will 
not  care  for  him  any  longer.  I  never  did  love  him, 


68  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

but  just  married  him  because  our  brother  was  so 
mean  to  me." 

"  Now,  sister,"  said  "  By."  with  his  old-time 
love  (?)  "  my  scheme  is  this :  I  was  talking  to 
our  friend,  Dr.  Schorharie,  and  if  we  pay  him  he 
will  see  he  is  put  into  a  lunatic  asylum.  Now,  it  is 
better  for  us  to  give  the  doctor  a  nice  sum  than  have 
to  give  him  up  all  if  he  settles  with  his  creditors.  I 
will  also  see  some  of  those  who  owe  him  and  make 
them  liberal  propositions  to  swear  he  is  insane. 
They  will  do  it.  There  is  C.  H.,  R.  R.  and  A.,  any 
one  of  them  will  be  glad  to  swear  his  liberty  away 
for  a  reduction  in  their  bills." 

He  counted  without  his  host,  for  while  they  had 
some  difference  with  Abner,  they  would  not  injure 
him  for  anything. 

"  Now,"  he  continued,  "  I  do  not  know  of  any 
better  way  than  for  you  to  provoke  him  so  he  will 
strike  you,  and  I  will  then  have  him  arrested  as  a 
dangerous  lunatic,  and  you  will  be  rid  of  him." 

"  Oh,  he  will  not  strike  me." 

"  You  strike  him,  and  spit  in  his  face  and  see  if 
he  does  not." 

"  I  cannot  do  that ;  he  always  was  so  kind  and 
good  to  me ;  I  cannot  do  it." 

"  You  must,"  he  said,  and  stamped  his  foot  on  the 
floor ;  "  I  insist  upon  it." 

Abner  shut  his  teeth  hard,  and  nothing  would 
have  given  him  more  true  delight  than  to  go  in  and 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  69 

end  the  career  of  this  inhuman  demon;  but  like 
Topsy,  for  the  present  he  lay  low  for  a  more  con- 
venient season. 

That  day  about  ten  a.m.  she  slapped  her  hus- 
band's face  and  spit  upon  him,  but  he  knew  it  wasn't 
she  who  did  it,  but  her  brother,  for  she  was  abso- 
lutely under  his  control. 

Abner  only  laughed  and  said : 

"  I  heard  him  tell  you  to  do  that.  I  will  not  hold 
you  responsible  for  it." 

She  then  became  hysterical  and  worked  herself  up 
to  a  frenzy.  After  she  cooled  down,  Abner  said 
to  his  wife: 

"  I  want  some  money  to  go  to  Albany." 

"  I  can  give  you  no  money,  I  haven't  any." 

He  then  took  his  watch  that  he  had  carried  for 
twenty  years  and  put  it  in  the  pawn  shop  for  twenty 
dollars,  and  went  to  Albany  to  find  "  By."  there, 
going  around  industriously  circulating  that  Abner 
was  insane,  and  their  friend,  "  for  revenue  only," 
Dr.  Schoharie,  could  not  decide  until  he  found  out 
who  would  give  him  the  most  money. 

Abner  also  cut  this  scheme  in  the  bud  by  getting 
a  certificate  from  an  expert  on  mental  diseases,  but 
"  By."  had  already  pledged  his  honor  that  Dr.  Scho- 
harie would  be  paid. 

By  the  way,  his  honor  when  well  pledged,  must 
have  somewhat  the  same  odor  as  limburger  cheese. 

"  By."  called  at  the  various  friends  and  enemies 


70  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

of  Abner  during  the  day,  but  did  not  find  much 
consolation  or  encouragement. 

Night  came,  and  Abner  got  back  to  his  wife  to 
find  she  had  instructions  to  leave  him,  but  she  had 
not,  as  yet,  obeyed,  but  had  formulated  a  scheme 
to  get  rid  of  Abner  so  she  could  get  away  without 
any  unpleasantness.  Abner  knew  it  all,  but  could 
not  prevent  it.  He  coaxed  and  entreated  his  wife 
not  to  leave  him,  when  he  was  poor  in  health  and 
pocket,  but  selfishness  carried  the  day  and  he  was 
left  like  the  man  who  traveled  into  a  far  country 
and  fell  among  thieves,  penniless,  friendless  and 
alone.  She,  to  whom  he  never  denied  anything, 
now  that  he  was  poor,  sickly  and  miserable,  left  him 
to  his  fate.  She,  whom  he  watched  over  during 
her  illness,  now  preferred  her  brother's  company  to 
his.  She,  who  in  the  scorching  summer  months, 
could  bask  in  the  ocean  breeze  on  the  New  Hamp- 
shire coast,  while  Abner  poured  out  his  sweat  at 
home  in  business,  now  wished  only  for  the  death  of 
her  husband  and  benefactor. 

Abner,  in  these  moments,  would  exclaim :  "  Oh, 
cruel  fate,  curst  be  the  day  you  guided  my  feet  to 
her  home." 

Backward,  turn  backward,  O  Time  in  your  flight, 
Make  me  a  child  again  just  for  tonight ; 
Mother,  come  back  from  the  echoless  shore, 
Take  me  again  to  your  heart,  as  of  yore ; 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  71 

Kiss  from  my  forehead  the  furrows  of  care, 
Smooth  the  few  silver  threads  out  of  my  hair; 
Over  my  slumbers  your  loving  watch  keep, 
Rock  me  to  sleep,  mother,  rock  me  to  sleep. 

Backward,  flow  backward,  O  tide  of  the  years, 

I  am  so  weary  of  toil  and  of  tears, 

Toil  without  recompense,  tears  all  in  vain, 

Take  them,  and  give  me  my  childhood  again. 

I  have  grown  weary  of  dust  and  decay ; 

Weary  of  flinging  my  soul-wealth  away ; 

Weary  of  sowing  for  others  to  reap ; 

Rock  me  to  sleep,  mother,  rock  me  to  sleep. 

Tired  of  the  hollow,  the  base,  the  untrue, 
Mother,  O  mother,  my  heart  calls  for  you. 
Many  a  summer  the  grass  has  grown  green, 
Blossom'd  and  faded,  our  faces  between; 
Yet,  with  strong  yearning  and  passionate  pain, 
Long  I  tonight  for  your  presence  again. 
Come  from  the  silence!  so  long  and  so  deep, 
Rock  me  to  sleep,  mother,  rock  me  to  sleep. 

— E.  A.  ALLEN. 

"  By."  had  made  arrangements  with  the  com- 
mercial agencies  in  Boston  to  get  the  books,  conse- 
quently he  came  to  Albany  to  look  them  over — a 
privilege  which  was  denied  him  when  he  got  there. 
He  went  to  the  referee  for  an  order  on  the  trustee, 
and  when  order  was  served  on  a  trustee,  he  tele- 


72  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

phoned  counsel,  who  instructed  him  to  throw  Wool- 
craft  out  of  the  window  if  he  dared  look  at  the 
books.  Woolcraft  did  not  care  so  long  as  he  was 
getting  twenty  dollars  from  his  sister  for  expenses 
and  it  only  cost  him  eight.  He  was  now  so  used 
to  being  kicked  that  his  hide  was  as  thick  as  that 
on  his  long-eared  relation,  so  he  went  back  to  New 
York,  told  his  sister  he  had  done  miracles,  accom- 
plished wonders,  and  that  Abner  was  hated,  while 
every  one  respected  him  and  sympathized  with  her. 

The  workmen  were  moving  quickly  down  the 
streets  of  Jersey  City,  as  "  By."  called  to  Delilah 
to  tell  her  he  had  another  scheme  on  hand — one 
that  he  knew  would  sink  Abner  so  deep  he  never 
could  get  his  name  back. 

"  What  is  it,"  she  asked. 

"  Well,  while  he  is  sick,  let  us  steal  his  trunk, 
books  and  papers  and  all  else  that  is  in  it,  hide 
them  where  he  cannot  get  them.  You  know  I  have 
the  storage  receipt  and  I  can  have  it  removed  to 
any  place  we  think  best." 

Delilah's  secret  conscience  quailed  at  this  injus- 
tice to  a  man  struggling  against  death  and  adver- 
sity, and  she  said : 

"  Oh,  no,  don't  do  that ;  that  is  too  cruel  for  even 
a  Woolcraft." 

"  Well,  it  will  be  done." 

"  Well,  what  good  will  that  do  us  ?  " 

"  Why,  keep  him  from  getting  the  settlement  with 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  73 

the  creditors  ratified  by  the  court,  and  then  he  can- 
not collect  what  we  owe  him  or  what  we  stole  from 
him.  Understand?" 

"  But,  '  By./  the  poor  fellow  is  sick  and  we  had 
better  not  do  it ;  it  is  not  right  to  take  advantage  of 
him  while  he  is  so  weak.  I  sometimes  think  that  I 
ought  to  send  for  his  cousin  to  come  and  take  care 
of  him.  God  may  punish  us  for  it  later  on." 

"  By."  got  angry  at  this  and  said : 

"  Well,  look  at  how  G.  A.  Woolcraft  robbed  his 
brother  Mortimer,  and  God  never  punished  him; 
he  died  worth  millions." 

"  How  do  you  know  he  didn't  ?  How  do  you 
know  but  his  life  was  a  living  hell,  and  his  death  a 
jump  into  eternal  darkness,  gloom  and  despair? 
And  suppose  he  did  escape  punishment  on  this 
earth,  look  how  he  will  feel  on  the  Judgment  morn 
when  he  looks  on  his  brother  whom  he  wronged  so 
grievously,  and  look  at  those  who  inherit  his  wealth, 
and  look  at  those  who  joined  them  and  all  that  has 
befallen  them." 

"  C.  B.  Woolcraft,  the  son  of  the  man  who  took 
Mortimer's  place,  was  suddenly  sent  into  eternity 
while  oiling  his  stock  preparing  it  for  quick  sale. 
His  death,  you  might  look  upon  as  a  Godsend,  for 
it  saved  the  State  the  ignominy  of  sending  by  wire 
a  current  to  dispatch  him." 

"  You  also  know,  that  scarce  had  Frank  been 
to  Miss  Slater  a  month  before  she  lost  one 


74  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

of  her  eyes,  and  it  was  looked  upon  then,  and  now 
is,  as  an  omen  sent  from  God  to  her  not  to  make 
that  unholy  alliance.  '  Come  out  from  among  them 
and  be  not  partaker  of  their  sins,  for  I  will  cut  off 
from  the  house  of  Woolcraft,  all  the  male  children 
like  I  did  in  the  days  of  Jereboam,  the  son  of 
Nebat.' " 

"  Well,  Delilah,  your  argument  doesn't  strike  us ; 
we  have  nothing  to  fear  in  that  line,  for  all  our  fam- 
ily are  like  a  desert,  consequently,  God  cannot  visit 
our  sins  upon  them." 

"  Yes,  but  even  then,  we  are  not  all  dead  yet ;  we 
may  yet  be  punished,  and  if  we  are  not  in  this  world 
— if  we  keep  on  doing  wrong — we  surely  will  be  in 
the  next." 

"  Is  it  not  written,"  he  said,  "  The  wicked  prosper 
like  a  green  bay  tree  ?  " 

"  Yes,  '  By.,'  and  it  is  also  written  that  '  the  ser- 
vant of  the  prophet  was  well  and  clean,  and  in  one 
moment  he  was  changed  to  a  leper  as  white  as 
snow.  '  By.,'  please,  do  not  do  any  more  against 
him,  for  he  is  so  sick,  lonely  and  sad,  my  heart 
aches  for  him." 

"  I  told  you  I  would  do  it,  and  no  use  in  you  talk 
ing,  it  will  be  done,"  so  he  left  her  and  came  to  his 
lawyer's    office — an    unprincipled    will-o'-the-wisp 
from  the  Northwest — and  laid  the  plan  before  him. 
He,  of  course,  said,  "  Capital  thing ;  great  mind, 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  75 

Woolcraft,"  for  this  creature  was  in  it  for  what  he 
could  get  out  of  them. 

"  Where  is  the  one  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  you 
agreed  to  give  me  Saturday  ?  " 

"  This  is  only  Tuesday,  man,"  said  "  By."  with  a 
smile. 

"  Oh,"  said  the  recent  annex  to  New  York  State 
bar,  "  you  meant  next  Saturday,  did  you  ?  Well, 
next  Saturday  will  do,  my  good  fellow."  And  it  is 
next  Saturday  every  week  since,  and  will  until  the 
millenium  comes  again,  for  "  By."  never  paid  any 
one;  at  least,  so  said  Sam  Blood  from  the  Dutch 
capital  and  several  others.  Now  the  lawyer  called 
his  stenographer  and  dictated  the  following  letter: 
To  United  States  Referee: 

DEAR  SIR  : — I  ask  you  to  deny  a  ratification  of  the 
compromise  agreement  between  Abner  L'Esi  range 
and  his  creditors,  on  the  ground  that  he  has  not 
complied  with  the  statute,  in  that  he  has  secreted 
in  the  City  of  New  York,  his  trunk,  books  and 
papers,  in  order  to  hinder,  delay  and  defraud  his 
creditors,  i  Yours  respectfully, 

F.  A.  DARWIN,  the  missing  link  or  attorney  for 
the  dead  man's  claim." 

"  This  is  done.  Now,  Woolcraft,  are  you  sure 
you  have  the  books  and  trunk  secreted  where  they 
will  not  get  it?  He  will  fight  us  hard,  you  know, 
and  if  he  should  get  well  he  will  surely  look  around 
and  try  and  find  them,  and  if  we  are  caught  with 


76  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

them  it  would  mean  two  years'  board  and  room  for 
both  of  us." 

"Well,"  said  Woodcraft,  I'll  tell  you  how  I 
got  them;  I  got  my  sister,  Delilah,  to  work  on  his 
feelings  so  that  she  could  get  the  storage  receipt  for 
them  from  him,  and  she  did,  and  I  sent  a  man  for 
the  trunk,  and  he  left  it  on  a  certain  corner.  Then 
I  telephoned  to  another  expressman  and  he  put  it 
in  another  storehouse  and  they  are  there,  and  I  defy 
him  in  his  present  physical  condition  to  trace  them." 

"  Well,  if  we  can  keep  them  out  of  his  reach  we 
will  beat  him,  if  he  doesn't  pay  us  well  to  give  them 
up.  How  would  it  be  to  strike  him  now  for  all  he 
can  scrape  ?  Let  us  go  to  Albany  tomorrow ;  get 
fifty  dollars  from  his  wife  to  pay  our  expenses 
while  we  skin  her  husband." 

"  Agreed,"  said  "  By."  "  He  is  sick  and  weak 
and  you  would  frighten  him  into  it.  Good  day ; 
will  call  in  time  to  catch  the  boat  for  Albany  to- 
morrow. So  long." 

Now  he  went  to  his  office  and  got  a  story  up  to 
tell  Delilah  so  as  to  get  the  fifty  dollars  for  expenses, 
for  it  was  her  nature  to  cling  on  to  the  cartwheel 
until  the  eagle  screamed  on  it.  The  story  now 
ready — like  his  first  parent,  the  serpent  in  the  gar- 
den of  Eden,  he  strangled  the  truth. 

When  he  entered  the  boarding-house  that  night, 
she  came  to  meet  him  and  asked  if  there  was  any- 
thing new  from  Abner. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  77 

"  No,  only  that  he  has  another  woman  on  the 
string,  just  as  I  told  you." 

"  Who  is  it  ?  "  she  said,  impatiently. 

"  Well,  I  don't  want  to  mix  up  in  your  dirty 
scrape ;  I  won't  give  her  name.  I  tell  you,  Delilah, 
he  is  a  scoundrel,  and  we  must  take  what  he  has  and 
get  clear  of  him.  Now,  I  have  to  meet  a  man  on  a 
southern  water  deal  tomorrow  in  which  I  am  inter- 
ested a  half  a  million  dollars,  and  next  day — no 
matter  what  comes — I  am  going  to  Albany  and  have 
it  out  with  that  rascal.  I  am  going  to  take  Frank, 
the  lawyer,  along,  and  we  will  squeeze  him,  sure. 
You  must  let  us  have  fifty  dollars  to  pay  our 
expenses,  and  when  I  turn  all  Florida  which  I  own 
(in  my  mind)  into  cash,  I'll  let  you  have  all  you 
want." 

She  parted  with  the  fifty  dollars  and  he  chuckled 
with  delight,  as  he  now  was'  sure  of  another  week's 
food. 

Next  night  this  unprincipled,  double-dyed  black- 
mailer and  his  attorney  were  on  their  way  to 
Albany,  desecrating  the  beautiful  Hudson  river  with 
their  contaminating  presence.  They  telegraphed 
Abner,  care  of  the  Blacksmith's  Blow  Organ,  to 
meet  them,  which  he  did,  and  they  made  him  the 
following  proposition : 

"If  you  and  your  friends  can  raise  five  thousand 
dollars  for  Frank  and  I,  we  will  withdraw  that 
claim  of  nineteen  dollars  and  fifty  cents  we  brought 


78  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

against  you,  then  you  will  not  be  compelled  to  go 
through  bankruptcy,  as  you  have  already  settled 
with  the  rest  of  the  creditors.  If  you  do  not  do 
this,  we  will  do  everything  in  our  power  to  injure 
you.  We  will  go  to  the  district  attorney  and  tell 
him  you  have  your  books  secreted  in  the  City  of 
New  York  and  compel  him  to  prosecute  you." 

"  Why,  you  and  the  trustee  have  all  the  books 
and  trunk,  also  the  papers  in  the  case;  I  haven't 
anything,"  said  Abner,  "  and  as  far  as  you  prose- 
cuting me,  I  defy  you  or  your  colleagues.  I  am 
innocent  of  any  crime,  except  the  crime  of  being  sick 
when  health  is  needed,  to  defend  myself  against  the 
ravenous  wolves  which  beset  me  on  every  side. 
Again,  I  say,  I  defy  you  and  all  on  earth.  I  have 
given  my  all  and  I  will  add  to  it,  my  lifeblood,  if 
necessary,  in  defence  of  my  honor  and  reputation, 
but  not  one  cent  to  you,  you  dirty-nosed  son  of  the 
Mohawk  Valley,  or  to  your  blackhearted  lawyer 
from  the  woolly  west." 

"  Well,  all  right ;  we  will  meet  you  again  at  three 
p.m. 

Abner  now  went  to  Joseph  A.  Murphy,  his  attor- 
ney, and  told  him  what  had  happened. 

"  Swear  out  a  warrant  at  once  for  the  highway- 
men and  blackmailers,"  said  his  lawyer,  as  his  eyes 
snapped  with  righteous  indignation. 

"  Yes,  Joe,  but  I  have  no  witnesses,"  said  Abner, 
who  was  scarcely  able  to  walk  from  the  effects  of 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  79 

his  long  and  serious  illness  and  troubles,  "  and 
there  are  two  of  them,  and  Woolcraft  is  just  as  low 
as  Frank,  and  you  know  how  far  down  in  the  scale 
of  honor  and  manhood  he  is  who  was  willing  to  sell 
his  brother,  like  Jacob's  children  sold  Joseph  for 
twenty  pieces  of  silver." 

At  three  p.m.  they  all  met  at  the  referee's  office, 
and  "  By."  beckoned  Abner  to  one  side  and  renewed 
the  proposition,  backed  up  by  further  threats.  Even 
if  Abner  was  willing  and  base  enough  to  do  so,  he 
couldn't  meet  their  demands.  Abner  was  then 
examined,  the  books  were  all  in  the  trustee's  hands 
— except  what  "  By."  had  secreted  in  the  trunk  he 
had  surrepticiously  taken  from  Abner  and  had 
secreted  in  some  storehouse.  Now,  the  black- 
mailer's lawyer  stood  up  and  said  he  had  a  claim  to 
present,  and  it  was  presented,  and  found  not  in 
proper  form ;  consequently  was  rejected.  It  was 
again  filed,  but  on  investigation  it  was  found  to  be 
again  out  of  form  and  it  was  thrown  out.  This 
time  it  was  sworn  to  by  Louis  Ruhe  of  the  City  of 
New  York,  and  Abner  found,  on  investigation,  that 
the  said  Louis  Ruhe  had  been  dead  eighteen  years, 
consequently  the  statement  and  affidavit  attached  to 
the  bill  was  forgery,  backed  up  by  perjury.  This 
remarkable  document  certified  to  by  a  notary  public, 
declared  that  the  said  Louis  Ruhe  personally 
appeared  before  a  commissioner  of  deeds  and 
swore  to  this  infamous  paper.  No  live  man 


80  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

would  do  it,  so  in  their  desperation  they  called  on 
the  dead.  The  object  of  putting  in  this  bill  was  to 
compel  Abner  to  go  through  the  humiliation  and 
expense  of  bankruptcy,  and  also  to  aid  those  who 
had  his  goods,  cash  or  notes  in  their  efforts  to  keep 
them.  They  tried  in  every  way  to  embarrass  Abner, 
who  had  already  settled  with  all  his  creditors  by 
turning  over  to  them  a  hundred  and  ten  thousand 
eight  hundred  dollars  in  cash  and  merchandise. 

Its  rejection  and  their  humiliating  defeat  cut  the 
comb  of  the  blackmailers  and  they  lay  dormant  for 
a  while,  intending  at  a  future  day,  to  renew  their 
efforts  and  by  fair  means,  foul  or  force,  to  compel 
Abner 's  friends  to  raise  the  blood  money  demanded. 
There  is  an  old  adage  which  says,  "  When  thieves 
fall  out,  honest  men  get  their  dues."  Soon  the  law- 
yer and  his  client  were  at  loggerheads,  and  the  true 
state  of  affairs  was  laid  bare.  The  sunlight  shining 
upon  it  soon  revealed  its  rottenness,  and  honest  men 
could  see  nothing  in  it  but  dead  men's  bones  and  all 
uncleanness.  The  lawyer  was  like  the  drunken 
man  who  called  out  "  More  rum,"  in  his  frenzy,  but 
in  this  case,  it  was  "  more  money,  more  money." 
Now  this  miscreant  is  like  some  people  who  think 
it  is  cheaper  to  move  than  pay  rent.  "  By."  hired 
another  lawyer,  and  after  awhile  of  course  another 
move  was  necessary,  and  it  came  in  due  time.  Then 
another  and  still  another  and  still  another.  When 
Abner  brought  suit  against  him  for  alienation  of  his 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  81 

wife's  affection,  blackmail,  slander,  criminal  libel, 
defamation  of  character,  etc.,  these  suits  were  set- 
tled later  on,  through  the  good  offices  of  an  out- 
sider who  advised  Abner  that  as  Woolcraft  was  a 
worthless  wretch,  had  nothing  to  lose  but  the 
remains  of  an  ill-spent  life,  who  in  his  infirmities, 
weakness,  pain  and  deformity,  was  a  walking  monu- 
ment of  God's  displeasure — a  creature  whom  all, 
even  his  own  blood,  despised.  It  was  only  a  waste 
of  money  to  push  them,  for,  said  he : 

"If  you  put  Woolcraft  in  the  penitentiary,  the 
workhouse,  almshouse  or  hospital,  that  is  what  his 
relations  want,  and  I  know  you  don't  care  to  please 
them,  do  you?  Leave  him  out  and  let  them  sup- 
port the  crawling  wretch,  then  you  will  be  getting 
square  with  them." 

So  "  By."  was  allowed  to  go,  on  condition  that 
his  foul  face  and  repulsive  countenance  never  would 
again  show  itself  under  the  same  roof  as  Abner 
L'Estrange,  who,  with  all  his  wounded  soul  said : 

"  Good-bye,  '  By.,'  and  I  hope  it  is  forever.  I 
never  wish  to  see  you  again." 


CHAPTER  III. 


The  snow  was  falling  fast  and  the  winds  were 
blowing  a  terrific  gale  over  the  Mohawk  Valley,  as 
Nancy  Woolcraft,  her  husband  and  their  children 
were  moving  into  the  little  village  of  Charleston, 
Montgomery  County,  New  York. 

"  Rent  this  small  farm  and  house  until  we  get  our 
bearings,"  said  she  to  her  husband. 

"  All  right,"  said  he. 

"  Now  I  wonder  if  the  Mohawk  Indians  will 
annoy  us  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  Nathaniel,  "  for  I  took  along  my 
baby-waker." 

"  Baby-waker  "  was  an  old  English,  yeoman  flint 
gun,  with  a  hammer  like  a  cat's  tongue,  and  when 
she  did  go  off — which  she  sometimes  did — she  made 
things  in  front  of  her  look  sick.  She  threw  a 
handful  of  number  one  shot  in  every  direction,  and 
sometimes  did  as  much  damage  to  those  behind  as 
she  did  in  front.  Nat  called  this  her  beautiful  back- 
action,  and  he  encouraged  her  in  that  direction,  for 
he  always  put  in  an  extra  charge  for  others  to  fire 
off,  so  she  would  make  an  impression  on  them  and 
plainly  show  her  dislike  for  them.  This  was  done 
to  discourage  the  borrowing  principle  which  was 
rapidly  gaining  ground  in  the  village. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  83 

"  My  God,  she  nearly  killed  me,"  neighbors  would 
say  after  they  used  her. 

Nat,  with  a  grin  that  would  dry  an  Irish  bog 
hole,  replied :  "  Boys,  she  doesn't  know  you.  I 
tell  you  my  powder  doesn't  do  well  for  anyone  but 
me.  You  should  buy  your  own  ammunition,  keep 
it  in  your  room  and  you  will  get  thoroughly 
acquainted." 

But  the  stingy  neighbors  had  skins  as  thick  as  a 
rhinoceros,  and  they  were  as  deaf  as  an  adder  to 
these  timely  suggestions. 

After  a  while  Nat  got  married  to  Jane  Overocker, 
who  belonged  to  a  close-fisted  family  of  the  valley. 
She  was  an  exception  to  the  rule  or  coat  of  arms 
of  the  family.  "  Keep  all  you  have  and  grab  all  in 
sight  "  was  emblazoned  on  their  shield,  but  she  was 
kind  of  heart,  noble  of  soul  and  generous  of  hand ; 
industry,  patience,  perseverance,  coupled  with 
honesty,  intelligence,  honor  and  integrity  were 
stamped  on  every  outline  and  feature  of  her  face. 
Her  neighbors  loved  and  praised  her,  and  the  poor, 
when  her  demise  came,  mourned  her  as  if  all  had 
lost  a  mother.  "  Can  any  good  thing  come  out  of 
Nazareth  ?  "  History  says  yes ;  also  shows  that  out 
of  the  vilest  clay  the  gold  and  diamonds  are  taken, 
and  out  of  the  same  mineral  comes  the  copper  and 
poisonous  verdegris.  Her  husband,  Nathaniel 
Woolcraft,  was  an  upright,  industrious  man,  whose 
word  was  his  bond.  He  was  a  farmer  by  birth  and 


84  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

education,  careful,  industrious  and  prudent.  He 
died,  leaving  five  children;  three  girls,  Delilah, 
Maud  and  Emily,  and  two  boys,  Barney  or  "  By.," 
and  Monroe,  or  "  Crum." 

This  family  resembled  the  family  of  our  first 
parents  in  the  Garden  of  Eden — some  were 
extremely  good  and  some  were  like  Cain — had  the 
evil  one  pictured  on  their  forehead.  Now,  this 
devoted  and  kind  mother  of  five  small  children  was, 
at  an  early  age,  compelled  to  face  a  fatherless  home 
with  a  blanket  mortgage  on  it.  With  a  weak  body 
and  strong  heart  she  faced  her  fate.  She  had  no 
easy  road  to  hoe.  Her  oldest  girl  happened  with  an 
accident  when  young  which  injured  her  for  life,  and 
her  youngest  son,  Barney,  was  so  lazy  that  she  had 
almost  to  chew  his  food,  and  her  oldest  son  was  so 
unreliable  that  she  could  not  trust  him  to  pilot  the 
horses  with  the  milk  to  the  factory  for  fear  he  would 
follow  the  aristocratic  fashion  of  modern  times — 
watering  his  stock,  which  he  was  caught  at  once, 
and  she  was  made  to  subscribe  three  hundred  dol- 
lars to  the  government  to  palliate  his  offence.  A 
good  strain  was  in  her,  however  it  came,  but  like 
the  Irishman  in  jail,  it  was  there  and  showed  itself. 
Her  sons  caused  her  no  end  of  trouble.  They  were 
accused  of  several  crimes,  and  at  last  Uncle  Sam 
claimed  they  washed  stamps  and  used  them.  She 
died  when  young  and  left  the  children  what  she  had 
made  during  her  lifetime. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  85 

Maud,  the  younger,  was  a  bright  and  talented  girl 
and  graduated  from  the  normal  college  and  went  to 
school-teaching. 

Emma  died  in  the  south  from  hardship  and  over- 
work in  her  brother's  home.  She  was  compelled  to 
go  out  and  chop  ice  after  getting  out  of  a  bed  of 
fever.  Her  brother,  "  Crum,"  concocted  a  will 
which  gave  him  all  she  had,  but  it  wasn't  airtight 
and  was  broken.  Maud,  some  years  after,  moved 
to  a  western  city  and  went  to  live  with  Barney,  or 
"  By.,"  which  they  called  him  in  fun,  which  means 
"  instead  of  " — instead  of  a  man.  Later  she  mar- 
ried a  limb  of  the  law  named  John  Weaklock,  in  the 
twin  city  of  the  Northwest.  She,  like  her  sister 
Delilah,  was  kindhearted  to  her  blood  relations,  con- 
sequently she  had  to  feed  and  clothe  the  good-for- 
nothing  or  dross  of  the  family. 

While  all  this  was  going  on  in  Nathaniel  Wool- 
craft's  family,  his  nephew,  George  A.  Woolcraft,  his 
brother,  and  their  sisters  were  living  on  the  banks  of 
the  canal  on  whose  riley  waters  some  of  them  after- 
wards lived.  Pete  Montrose  married  one  of  the  sis- 
ters ;  the  other  one  was  so  thin  she  could  not  cast  a 
shadow,  consequently,  was  missed  by  the  male  sex. 
Pete,  like  his  father — but  not  like  his  son — was  fond 
of  water,  but  after  a  while  he  found  he  could  also 
live  on  land,  and  he  engaged  in  the  wholesale  busi- 
ness, in  which  he  was  successful  and  ended  with  an 
honorable  business  record.  Covered  with  honor  in 


86  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

a  business  life,  and  well  thought  of  by  his  neighbors 
and  church  people,  he  departed  for  the  shores  of 
that  country  from  whose  bourne  no  traveler  returns, 
leaving  a  name  full  of  honor  behind  to  his  children, 
whom  nature  decreed  would  not  change  that  name, 
for  it  gave  them  faces  and  dispositions  which  always 
made  their  defence  strong  enough  against  cupid's 
darts.  Their  faces  were  perfect  Gibralters  against 
the  male  sex ;  wealth  beyond  the  'rocks,  but  no  man 
thought  it  worth  while  to  scale  them  or  could  tole- 
rate the  visible  in  order  to  get  the  sweetness  and 
comfort  beyond.  Therefore,  they  will  die  in  their 
father's  good  name  in  peace,  and  when  they  do, 
R.  I.  P. 

George  A.  Woolcraft  married  a  shoemaker's 
daughter  from  the  Dutch  capital,  named  Schuler, 
or  in  English  it  is  interpreted  "  Scarecrow."  Her 
good-for-nothing  brother  robbed  Abner  out  of  seven 
hundred  and  eighty-six  dollars  of  hard-earned  cash. 
He,  thinking  she  would  be  liberal  enough,  wrote 
asking  her  if  she  wouldn't  pay  this  just  and  lawful 
debt  of  her  brother's.  Her  answer  was : 

"  I  attend  to  my  own  business,  you  to  yours  and 
they  to  theirs." 

This  reply  from  one  whom  Abner  heretofore 
looked  on  as  scrupulously  and  religiously  honest, 
shook  his  faith  in  her,  and  convinced  him  that  her 
educating  savages  on  the  banks  of  the  Tiber  or  in 
the  jungles  of  India  was  nothing  but  vain  glory  and 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  87 

hypocrisy,  for  is  it  not  written,  "  If  we  love  not  our 
brother  whom  we  have  seen,  how  can  we  love  God 
whom  we  have  not  seen." 

Abner  posted  this  amount  up  to  the  wrong  side 
of  profit  and  loss,  and  opposite  wrote  the  words 
"  Appearances  deceive,"  and  balanced  the  account. 

George  A.  Woolcraft  took  his  brother  Mortimer 
in  business  with  him  in  order  to  give  it  a  respecta- 
ble appearance.  Mortimer  was  one  of  God's  noble- 
men, honest,  kind-hearted,  good-natured,  honorable, 
dignified ;  a  man  of  whom  it  could  be  said,  "  He  was 
the  noblest  work  of  God — an  honest  man,"  and  he 
took  for  his  wife  a  queen  of  the  West,  a  woman  of 
rare  learning,  talents  and  refinement.  Not  since 
the  days  of  the  good  Queen  of  Sweden  was  there  a 
more  intellectual,  kind-hearted  or  noble  woman  than 
she.  Her  children  and  husband  loved  her  for  her- 
self, not  for  what  they  got  from  her,  and  when  she 
died  all  could  say  like  Scancitius :  "  My  mother 
is  dead ;  my  best,  truest  and  most  noble  friend  is 
taken  from  me."  She  left  behind  her,  three  daugh- 
ters and  three  sons  to  mourn  their  loss.  The 
brothers,  as  before  stated,  having  formed  a  partner- 
ship, carried  on  the  business  for  years  and  made 
quite  a  success  of  it.  They  made  a  good  "team  for 
business — one,  through  his  manly  ways  and  open- 
hearted  kindness  attracted  customers  to  him,  conse- 
quently, made  the  money,  and  the  other,  who  was 
like  the  cave,  "  open  seize  him,"  in  the  wilderness, 


88  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

when  he  got  it  in  his  clutches,  held  on  to  it  by  fair 
means  or  foul  like  death  does  a  coon.  Their  book- 
keeper, who  had  an  honest  mother,  was  grieved  to 
see  how  Mortimer  was  plundered,  but  as  his  bread 
and  butter  depended  on  a  shut  mouth,  he  had  to  let 
the  robbery  go  on.  All  Mortimer  spent  to  get 
trade  was  charged  up  to  him,  and  made  his  expenses 
one  hundred  times  as  large  as  G.  A.  Woolcraft's. 
G.  A.  W.  never  sold  a  bill  of  goods,  nor  could  not, 
for  the  core  of  his  heart  was  no  larger  than  a  spar- 
row's, and  its  shadow  always  repelled  or  disgusted 
the  would-be  buyer.  Inventory  day  came  after 
years  of  earnest  and  honest  toil  to  Mortimer,  to  find 
he  was  charged  with  all  he  had  spent  in  the  interest 
of  the  firm. 

"  Mortimer,"  said  his  brother,  "  your  personal 
expenses  are  too  large.  You  must  buy  me  out,  or 
I  will  buy  you  out." 

"  I  spent  that  money  to  sell  goods,  and  why 
should  it  be  charged  to  me  ?  " 

"  Well,  what  I  spent  is  also  charged  to  me." 

"  Well,  but  you  didn't  sell  any  goods." 

"  What  does  the  written  agreement  say  ?  "  said 
the  sly  old  fox. 

Mortimer  had  to  submit  to  the  agreement.  No 
argument  could  save  Abel  from  his  brother's  hand 
intent  on  blood ;  no  persuasion  could  save  Mortimer 
from  his  heartless  and  selfish  brother's  paw. 

"  Go  you  must ;  you  say  you  have  built  up  the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  89 

business ;  well,  I'll  let  you  see  I  can  run  it  without 
you.  I  do  not  now  need  anybody ;  go,  I  say.  Take 
inventory  and  when  all  your  expenses  are  taken  out 
of  your  share,  you  will  get  the  balance,  and  you 
and  I  dissolve  this  partnership." 

Mortimer,  heart-broken  and  cast  down,  as  well 
as  cast  out,  with  a  paltry  few  dollars  (while  his 
partner  had  over  a  million),  by  his  mother's  base 
son,  his  elder  brother,  grieved  almost  to  death,  bid 
his  numerous  friends  farewell  and  wandered  into 
the  cold,  uninhabited  West,  there  to  end  his  own 
life  of  misery  with  his  own  hand.  But  the  God  of 
justice  and  mercy  whose  Omnicient  eye  watches 
over  all  things,  and  of  whom  it  is  said  "  a  sparrow 
shall  not  fall  to  the  ground,"  has  long  ago  forgiven 
him  for  his  rash  deed,  while  he  has  visited  the  sins 
of  the  fathers  to  the  third  and  fourth  generation 
upon  him  who  robbed  him  of  his  hard-earned  liveli- 
hood, as  you  will  see,  dear  reader,  later  on. 

Mortimer  had  three  daughters.  The  eldest  had 
taken  the  place  of  mother  to  all  her  father's  children 
and  grandchildren.  She  spared  not  her  own  self, 
but  sacrificed  herself  and  hers  for  them  all.  How 
then  can  God  deny  his  goodness  to  this  woman  who 
is  indeed  the  purest  and  noblest  of  souls? 

His  second  daughter  has  gone  to  join  her  father 
and  mother  in  that  blest  land  where  thieves  do  not 
break  through  or  steal,  and  left  behind  two  noble 
children  and  their  fond  father  to  call  her  blessed. 


90  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

May  they  shine  forth  as  the  sun  in  its  strength  and 
prove  themselves  worthy  son  and  daughter  of  noble 
parents  and  grandparents. 

The  youngest  daughter  is  a  Daisy.  She  married 
a  man  of  good  character  and  habits  and  she  makes  a 
loving  wife,  mother  and  helper.  The  sons,  some 
of  them  inherit  some  of  the  baseness  of  the  other 
Woodcraft  family,  deserted  their  life-partners,  but 
as  in  all  animals,  the  bad  strain  will  sometimes  show 
itself  and  they  would  not  all  be  liable  to  escape,  for, 
like  Barney,  you  must  remember,  they  are  related 
to  the  man  on  whose  head  rests  the  innocent  blood 
of  Mortimer  Woolcraft,  and  on  whose  memory  rests 
and  will  forever  rest  that  bloody  deed.  Like  the 
stain  on  Macbeth's  hand,  it  will  not  wash  off. 

When  the  old  wolf  was  told  of  his  brother's  death, 
like  Cain,  he  answered  as  if  pricked  by  his  con- 
science, "  Am  I  my  brother's  keeper  ?  " 

The  daughter  of  the  dead  man  answered :  "  No ; 
but  my  father's  blood  crieth  from  the  ground  to 
heaven  for  vengeance,  and  you  are  the  one  on  whom 
it  will  fall.  Why  do  you  insult  his  memory  by 
offering  me  a  home?  If  I  had  no  home,  I  would 
prefer  the  lake  or  the  canal  to  your  den  which  is 
raised  by  the  blood  of  infamy  and  fed  anu  nourished 
on  the  heart's  blood  wrung  from  the  widows  and 
the  orphans.  Oh,  no;  keep  your  ill-gotten  gains. 
God  will  provide  for  the  fatherless  and  widow." 

These  words  pierced  like  a  Saracen's  dagger  into 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  91 

the  vitals  of  this  modern  Cain  and  caused  him  to  cry 
out,  "  Lord,  what  wilt  Thou  have  me  to  do?  "  and 
like  the  leper  Naaman  of  Syria,  his  uncleanness  was 
becoming  loathsome  to  him,  and  he  now  wished  to 
be  clean,  and  he  and  his  cobweb-shrouded  soul 
thought  that  the  God  of  justice  and  mercy  could 
be  bought  like  a  Jew  pedlar,  and  he  determined,  if 
so,  to  be  at  peace  with  Him.  So  following  the 
example  of  Naaman,  he  presented  a  sectarian  uni- 
versity with  thousands  of  dollars  in  hopes  to  wipe 
out  his  infamy  and  appease  an  angry  God,  but  he 
will  find  out  that  not  all  the  gold  of  India,  or  the 
diamonds  of  Africa,  the  jewels  of  Rome,  or  the 
waters  of  the  ocean  can  make  him  presentable  to  an 
impartial  judge.  The  widows  and  the  orphans  will 
rise  up  against  him  on  the  Judgment  morn  and  say 
to  him : 

"You  robbed  me  of  my  home ;  you  cast  me  out  in 
the  cold;  you  in  your  subtlety,  pretended  you  were 
a  friend ;  advised  me  to  buy  a  home,  give  you  a  lien 
upon  it  and  when  I  had  almost  paid  you  for  it,  you 
discharged  my  husband  out  of  your  employ  and 
forced  the  mortgage  at  a  time  when  you  knew  I 
couldn't  pay  it." 

The  cry  will  sound  in  his  ears,  "  Depart  from 
me,  I  never  knew  you,  you  worker  of  iniquity." 

His  two  daughters  survive  him,  and  they  now 
live  to  see  the  hand  of  Omnipotent  Jehovah  wreak 
vengeance  on  them  and  on  their  children.  They 


92  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

now  feel  it.  One  of  his  children  is  not  all  there, 
and  she  also  has  a  child  with  vacant  lots,  while  two 
of  them  were  tried  for  robbing  the  dead,  and  only 
escaped  through  the  father's  knowledge  of  law  in 
hiring  the  district  attorney  to  defend  them;  for 
which  service  they  never  paid  him.  The  other 
daughter  married  a  tailor's  scullion  and  is  now 
punished  by  the  knowledge  also  of  her  own  sin, 
and  her  first-born  has  to  bear  the  curse  of  having 
her  husband  taken  from  her,  while  the  second 
child  mourns  the  loss  of  a  fatherless  baby,  and  her 
own  debilitated  condition  brought  on  by  a  knowl- 
edge of  her  infamy  and  shame  . 

It  looks  as  if  they  would  have  to  drink  the  bitter 
cup  to  the  dregs.  Monroe  Woolcraft  and  his  sister 
bought  from  G.  A.  Woolcraft  &  Company  all  their 
old  lasts  and  patterns  and  dies,  paid  them  in  part 
the  hard-earned  money  of  their  parents.  Thous- 
ands of  dollars  were  taken  for  useless  goods  by 
this  old  graball,  whose  greed  and  perfidy  knew  no 
end.  He  robbed  his  brother  and  caused  his  death ; 
next  he  robbed  his  cousin,  C.  B.  Woolcraft,  and 
last,  Monroe  Woolcraft  and  Delilah  were  mulcted 
by  him.  Like  the  old  tyrant,  he  cried  when  no 
more  were  in  sight  to  plunder. 

"  Crum  "  and  Delilah  formed  a  partnership  under 
the  firm  name  of  Monroe  Woolcraft  &  Company, 
and  commenced  to  manufacture  boots  and  shoes, 
but  they  could  not  succeed,  for  the  goods  they 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  93 

bought  from  G.  A.  Woolcraft  &  Company  were  not 
alone  like  Monroe's  milk-watered  stock,  but  they 
had  on  them  the  curse  of  a  brother's  blood ;  so,  like 
the  Hebrew's  spring  well,  which  was  nothing  but 
a  dirty  pool,  they  dried  up;  but  not  before  every 
city,  town  and  hamlet  in  the  United  States  had  a 
victim,  cursing  their  name  and  memory,  and  today 
the  shoes  they  sent  to  their  customers  are  on  the 
shelves  of  the  unfortunate  dealers  and  will  there 
remain,  for  they  are  unsalable  at  any  price. 

Delilah,  seeing  that  they  could  not  manufacture 
shoes,  set  her  cap  for  a  victim  and  she  caught 
Abner  L/Estrange.  He  cannot  blame  anybody  but 
himself,  for  he  was  frequently  warned  against  her, 
both  by  her  brother  "  Crum  "  and  her  neighbors. 
One  resident  on  E  Street,  wrote  as  follows : 
"Dear  Sir:— 

"  Having  reason  to  know  you  are  a  respectable, 
highly  educated,  worthy  citizen,  I  take  this  oppor- 
tunity to  warn  you  against  Miss  Woolcraft  and  her 
family.  She  is  a  most  unreliable,  unworthy  and 
disagreeable  young  lady.  Should  you  marry  her, 
you  will  regret  it  as  long  as  you  live,  for  she  will 
betray  and  desert  you  when  you  need  her  most.  The 
family  are  all  unscrupulous,  unprincipled  and  un- 
worthy; disagreeable  in  the  extreme.  They  quar- 
rel with  their  unfortunate  sister-in-law  all  the  time. 
May  the  God  of  the  mother  who  watched  over  you 
save  you  from  such  a  fate.  Should  you  be  fool 


94  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

enough  to  take  her,  on  your  wedding  day  I  extend 
my  sympathy  to  you. 

"AN  E.  STREET  NEIGHBOR." 

"All  spite,"  said  Abner  to  himself.  "  I  don't 
believe  a  word  of  it.  '  Crum  '  is  a  fairly  decent 
fellow  and  has  treated  me  all  right." 

While  Abner's  brain  was  pondering  over  the 
letter,  Monroe  appeared  on  the  scene. 

"  Have  you  any  misses'  shoes,  sizes  from  i  to 
2,  at  one  dollar?  " 

"  Plenty,"  said  "  Crum,"  "  how  many  cases  shall 
I  send  you  ?  " 

"  Just  seventy-two  pair,"  said  Abner,  "  send  them 
down  to  Pearl  Street ;  send  the  bill  over  here." 

Abner  paid  the  bill,  and  the  next  day  found 
Monroe  had  sent  seventy-two  pair  of  small  sizes 
and  none  of  the  sizes  ordered.  This  coincided  with 
the  letter  from  the  neighbor  and  set  Abner  think- 
ing. Now,  Abner  was  determined  to  find  more  out, 
to  see  how  much  of  the  letter  was  true,  so  he  in- 
vited his  prospective  brother-in-law  to  take  a  trip 
with  him  West,  and  he  did.  Abner  kept  his  eyes 
open  all  the  time.  He  introduced  ''  Crum  "  to  his 
customers,  and  on  Abner's  account  and  record  for 
square  dealing,  they  gave  this  unworthy  successor 
of  the  most  unworthy,  large  orders,  and  every  one 
who  did  regretted  it,  for  he  sent  all  of  them  inferior 
goods. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  95 

It  was  on  this  trip  Abner  got  into  a  misunder- 
standing with  a  Southern  gentleman  of  semi-Span- 
ish extraction  on  a  political  topic.  Abner  was  get- 
ting the  better  of  the  argument  against  the  sus- 
pender manufacturer  from  the  Sunny  South,  when 
the  Southern  hot  blood  could  stand  Abner's  sar- 
castic and  cutting  blows  no  longer.  He  stood  back 
from  Abner  and  let  him  have  a  right  hand  squarely 
on  the  face. 

Blood  flew  from  Abner's  nose  like  a  spicket,  and 
he  looked  on  in  wonder,  amazement  and  pain  at 
the  cheek  and  foolishness  of  this  advocate  of  human 
slavery.  He  squared  back  again  from  Abner,  who 
by  this  time  commenced  to  get  ready  to  defend  him- 
self. The  Southern  gentleman,  with  pugilistic 
tendency,  was  going  through  a  lot  of — what  he 
thought — scientific  manoeuvres  to  show  his  skill, 
thinking  by  this  to  intimidate  Abner  and  save  him- 
self. 

"  One  Southern  man  can  lick  five  Northern  men 
any  day,"  he  said  to  Abner,  as  he  pranced  around 
for  an  opening. 

Abner  was  as  still  as  if  he  was  engaged  in  silent 
prayer,  at  the  same  time  eyeing  his  opponent 
sharply,  when  the  Southern  gentleman,  with  a 
characteristic  yell,  rushed  for  him,  saying: 

"  I'll  teach  you  a  lesson ;  you  won't  sneer  at 
Jefferson  Davis  or  the  petticoats  he  donned,  again." 

As  he  advanced,  Abner  let  go  his  left  hand  and 


96  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

stopped  his  rush,  while,  with  the  right,  he  sent  this 
bareboned  individual  against  a  mirror  twenty  feet 
away. 

As  he  fell,  Abner  rushed  up  to  him  and  seeing 
him  wiggle  and  call  out,  "  Let  me  alone ;  don't  hit 
me  again." 

"  I  will  not,"  said  Abner,  "  strike  you  while 
you're  down,  but  should  you  get  on  your  feet  again 
before  you  make  a  thorough  apology  to  me,  I  will 
send  you  through  that  wall  on  the  double  quick. 
If  one  Southerner  can  beat  five  Northerners,  I  can 
lick  in  one  hundred  seconds  one  hundred  such  as 
you,  and  don't  you  deny  it,  for  if  you  do,  I'll  knock 
you  down  and  kick  you  for  falling." 

The  Southerner  now  commenced  to  realize  that 
Abner  was  his  superior  physically,  as  well  as  men- 
tally, and  soon  he  was  as  meek  as  the  proverbial 
Moses. 

The  owner  of  the  store  now  came  on  the  scene 
and  with  outstretched  hands  thanked  Abner  for 
punishing  the  insulting  merchant  who,  only  a  few 
minutes  before,  had  insulted  Mr.  Chamberlain,  the 
proprietor,  in  a  political  argument. 

"  Crum  "  looked  on  with  the  expression  on  his 
face  of  one  who  was  thinking  out  a  problem.  It 
was,  "  I  better  be  careful  what  I  do,  or  I  may  some 
day  follow  that  fellow's  example  and,  like  him,  be 
compelled  for  my  indiscretion  to  practice  rapid 
transit." 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  97 

Their  mission  ended  in  that  town,  so  they  took 
the  train  for  the  next,  where  Abner  found  his 
experience  had  been  wafted  ahead  of  him  and  all 
looked  in  wonder  at  the  man  with  a  face  like  the 
peaceful  governor  who  made  such  short  work  of 
the  would-be  pugilist  in  Geneva,  Ohio. 

"  You  look  scared,"  "  Crum "  would  say  to 
Abner,  who  had  long  ago  dismissed  the  incident 
from  his  mind. 

Soon,  Monroe's  time  came  and  he  had  to  do  and 
act  the  coward's  part.  He  and  Abner  called  at  a 
store,  where  "  Crum "  found  some  of  his  goods 
that  were  never  paid  for.  When  he  began  to  take 
the  unpaid  for  shoes  off  the  shelves,  the  owner 
called  to  him  to  stop,  and  Monroe  replied,  "  I  will 
not." 

"  If  you  do  not,  I  will  go  there  and  make  you 
stop." 

Puffed  up  with  the  thought  of  having  a  man  at 
his  back,  "  Crum  "  said  he  didn't  meet  many  men 
who  could  make  him  stop. 

"  Well,"  said  the  bald-headed  little  son  of  Jacob, 
"  I  can  do  it.  Now,  there  is  a  man  who  is  a  gentle- 
man ;  he  came  in  with  you,  and  I'll  let  him  be  judge 
between  us,  and  if  I  cannot  lick  you,  I  will  let  you 
take  all  my  store." 

By  this  time  the  son  of  Israel  was  stripped  for 
action  and  moving  at  Monroe  with  a  springy  step, 
soon  convinced  "  Crum "  that  discretion  was  the 


98  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

better  part  of  valor,  and  he  realized  that  he  must 
run  at  once  if  he  wished  to  save  himself.  And  run 
he  did,  out  of  the  door  like  a  jack  rabbit  around  a 
rock  on  the  mountains  of  California,  convincing 
Abner  that  he  was  a  full  brother  of  Barney,  whom 
he  had  seen  run  away  from  his  lady  companion 
when  he  saw  a  dog  approaching  them,  he  ignomin- 
ously  leaving  her  to  her  fate.  She,  having  good 
blood  in  her,  faced  her  foe  with  determination  and 
came  off  victor,  while  her  cowardly  companion 
watched  like  an  old  crow  from  the  fence  top  at  the 
encounter.  When  the  excitement  was  over  she 
said  to  Abner,  "  Had  you  or  my  brother  been  with 
me,  I  would  not  have  been  left  alone  as  I  was.  I 
do  not  want  his  companionship  in  future,  for  he  is 
neither  man  nor  monkey,  and  I  am  glad  he  is  no 
relation  of  mine." 

"  Come,  let  us  take  inventory,"  said  Monroe  to 
his  bookkeeper.  "  This  is  the  first  day  of  January, 
or  I  should  say,  the  second,  and  John  Piebald  will 
be  around  from  Bradst  reel's  to  see  how  much  we 
made  last  season.  Now,  Delilah,  we  must  have  a 
good  showing,  for  I  have  worked  hard  and  you 
should  let  me  have  good  figures.  It's  encouraging 
to  be  rich — even  if  it  is  only  on  paper." 

"  Monroe,  look  here ;  George  L.  Steadyman,  our 
predecessor's  senior  son-in-law  from  the  rural  dis- 
trict, has  only  charged  us  ninety-nine  dollars  and 
ninety-eight  cents  for  collecting  that  one  hundred 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  99 

dollar  bill  we  gave  him  against  H.  Fulder,  on  Pearl 
Street.  Now,  that  shows  you,  brother  '  Crum ' 
that  what  they  say  of  him  is  not  so.  Old  Colonel 
Haskins  was  so  base  as  to  say  that  George  L.  S. 
never  gave  up  anything  to  anybody ;  that  he  always 
made  his  bill  and  expenses  balance,  if  not  overrun, 
the  amount  collected." 

"  I  am  glad,"  said  Monroe,  "  to  see  he  is  im- 
proving." 

"  Well,  you  see  they  are  all  pleased  with  us, 
because  we  paid  the  old  man  such  a  fine  price  for 
his  obsolete  lasts  and  patterns,  and  then  we  also 
paid  him,  you  know,  for  quite  a  number  of  cock- 
roaches and  water  bugs,  which  I  really  think 
belonged  to  Yerks,  the  fruit  man  down  stairs." 

"  Never  mind ;  I'll  get  square  with  him.  I  will 
turn  over  to  him  some  of  those  notes  that  have  been 
troubled  with  appendicitis  of  the  commission  hay 
man  at  Fonda  in  payment,  and  let  him  collect  them 
if  he  can.  Bookkeeper,  do  you  know  I  am  a  bright 
fellow  and  destined  to  be  among  the  richest  men  of 
my  day?  " 

The  bookkeeper,  who  was  connected  by  blood  as 
well  as  business  ties,  did  not  see  it  in  that  light,  and 
she  said,  "  I  have  my  doubts  about  that." 

"  Oh,  you're  always  jealous,  because  I  think 
more  of  my  wife  than  I  do  of  you.  Well,"  he  con- 
tinued, "  she  is  superior  to  you,  for  her  brother  is 
a  minister  and  your  brother  is  only  a  fool,  or  as 


100  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

we  call  it,  '  half-knave  and  half-fool,'  known  to 
educated  people,  like  my  wife's  folks,  as  an  hybrid- 
ous." 

"  Now  '  Crum,'  anyone  would  believe  that,  who 
knows  you  as  I  do,  and  if  you  wish  still  further 
proof  of  your  stupidity,  look  at  how  you  have 
spelled  factory  on  that  sign.  You  have  spelled  it 
'  factroy.' " 

"  Oh,  you're  always  finding  fault  with  everything 
I  do.  I  cannot  run  my  own  business  as  I  wish  to. 
The  Steering  foreman  and  you  have  almost  ruined 
me  by  your  persistent  interference.  I  tell  you 
both  that  from  this  day  out  I  will  be  boss,  and  you 
both  will  obey  me.  I  will  now  print  a  sign  and  put 
it  up  right  here  in  front  of  the  office : 

"  RULES. — This  factory  will  be  open  buzzness 
every  day  in  the  year;  Monroe  Woolcraft  will  sup- 
ply all  the  brains  and  money  to  ruin  it.  No  inter- 
conference  from  without  or  within.  No  union 
limping  relegates  or  other  disturbers  will  be 
brooked.  Monroe  Woolcraft  &  Company,  shoe 
manufacturers  of  the  G.  A.  W.  grade  specialties. 
N.  B.  We  put  them  up  in  dressing-case  cartoons 
suitable  for  a  lady's  chamber.  We  manufacture 
our  own  leather  in  our  own  factories  and  always 
have  such  large  quantities  on  hand  that  our  goods 
run  more  uniform  than  those  of  our  less  fortunate 
neighbors  who  have  not  the  means  to  buy  more 
than  a  few  skins  at  a  time.  We  use  nothing  but 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  101 

the  best  of  wool  sheepskin  in  our  goatskin  leather. 
We  defy  all  competitors.  Our  goods  are  carried  in 
stock  by  most  disreputable  dealers,  or  whoever 
bought  a  pair  of  shoes  from  us." 

"  Printer,  when  can  you  have  one  thousand  of 
those  struck  off  for  me  ?  " 

Prouty,  the  printer  of  variegated  colors,  closed 
one  eye  and  nearly  the  other  and  looking  his  patron 
saint  squarely  in  the  face,  said  with  some  sarcasm : 

"  Hand  that  in  to  your  bookkeeper  first  and  have 
her  write  it  over,  correcting  the  spelling,  or  the 
printers  might  set  it  up  as  it  is,  and  everyone  would 
ask  what  colossal  ass  got  that  up;  and  as  I  like  to 
put  my  name  on  all  my  work,  I  would  not  care  to 
be  looked  on  as  the  father  of  that  monstrosity." 

Monroe  got  excited  and  tore  up  the  manuscript 
and  walked  into  his  sanctum  with  the  strut  of  a 
czar,  the  brains  of  a  pigeon  and  the  heart  of  a 
magpie  to  see  what  next  was  to  be  done. 

"  Look  here,  Monroe,  here's  a  bill  for  dry  goods 
from  Meyers ;  it  must  be  paid." 

"Well,  pay  it." 

"  Where  did  the  goods  go  to,  Monroe  ?  " 

"  If  there're  not  at  home,"  said  "  Crum,"  "  Prov- 
idence must  have  taken  them.  Pay  it  anyway,  it 
will  brace  up  our  credit." 

Next  came  a  squeaky  voice  as  if  from  the  tomb, 
saying : 


102  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  Where  can  I  find  stock  to  cut  that  G  grade  out 
of?" 

"  We  haven't  any." 

"  Where  can  I  get  stock  for  the  A  grade  ?  " 

''  We  have  none." 

"For  the  W  grade?" 

"  Got  none,"  said  the  bookkeeper,  who  was  now 
writing  a  note  to  her  sister  to  come  and  draw  out 
her  money,  for  the  rats  were  leaving  the  building, 
which  is  a  sure  sign  the  ship  is  going  to  sink. 

The  sister,  with  a  smile  upon  her  face,  came  into 
the  office  and  requested  of  "  Crum  "  her  cash  and 
he  answered: 

"  I  can't  supply  you  with  money  all  the  time ;  go 
work  for  it." 

"  I  do  not  want  your  money,"  said  his  sister,  "  I 
only  want  my  own  that  I  intrusted  you  with." 

The  bookkeeper,  who  had  the  power  of  attorney, 
had  already  given  her  a  check  and  drawn  the  money 
on  it.  The  sister,  knowing  that,  smiled  at  Monroe. 

This  is  where  Delilah  learned  to  grab  on  to  any 
cash  entrusted  to  her  keeping.  In  this,  she  was  a 
full  sister  to  her  brother  and  former  partner,  and 
a  worthy  successor  to  the  infamous,  dishonest,  sel- 
fish, unprincipled,  miserable,  stingy,  base,  heartless 
G.  A.  W. 

Monroe,  hearing  the  bookkeeper  answer  the  fore- 
man, said: 

"  Well,  I'll  put  up  another  notice :     Bulletin  No. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  103 

Two — Employees  will  please  take  notice  that  a  cut 
of  fifty  per  cent  on  all  wages  will  be  made  tomor- 
row." 

"  This,"  he  said  to  himself,  "  will  cause  a  strike 
and  it  will  last  until  I  get  some  money  to  buy 
another  half-dozen  skins." 

"  Bookkeeper,"  he  said  in  imperious  tones, 
"  write  out  a  squib  for  the  paper  on  these  lines : 
'  Workingmen  strike  against  reduction  of  wages  at 
Woolcraft  &  Company's  factory.  Thousands  of 
large  orders  on  hand  and  mountains  of  stock  to 
make  them  from,  but  men  will  not  work  at  reason- 
able or  fair  wages.  Mr.  Woolcraft,  the  senior 
member  and  brains  of  the  firm,  when  seen  by  a 
reporter,  was  busily  endorsing  checks  before  mak- 
ing his  deposit  in  the  bank,  but  his  gentlemanly 
spirit  soon  turned  him  to  the  newspaper  reporter 
and  he  gave  a  true  history  of  the  strike:  My  men 
belong  to  the  unions,  and  they,  knowing  I  had  a 
number  of  large  orders  to  get  out  at  once,  and  also 
seeing  a  very  large  stock  of  goods  to  make  them 
from  on  hand,  were  contemptible  enough  to  think 
it  was  a  good  time  to  strike,  but  my  firm  will  spend 
a  million,  if  necessary,  to  crush  out  this  foreign  and 
un-American  unionism.  We  Americans,"  and  he 
swelled  up  to  five  feet  high,  "  will  not  be  ruled  by 
Irishmen;  they  cannot  run  us.  This  is  a  free 
country." 

The  strike  went  on  for  months.     The  salesman 


104  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

who  was  the  remains  of  an  ill-spent  life  of  three 
score  years  and  ten,  was  drunk  in  a  small  town  on 
the  New  York  Central  Railroad ;  the  truckman  was 
suffering  from  lumbago  at  his  home;  the  baby  was 
sleeping  behind  a  clay  mound  up  in  the  frozen 
North;  the  water  bugs  and  rats  were  fast  leaving 
the  building;  they  couldn't  stand  the  cold;  the 
bookkeeper  was  suffering  from  hay  fever  in  the 
depth  of  winter  and  the  proprietors  were  scouring 
the  country  for  a  greenhorn  to  sell  out  to. 

This  second  notice  had  the  same  effect  as  the 
handwriting  on  the  wall  in  the  time  of  Belshazzar ; 
destruction,  desolation  and  ruin  had  come  at  last 
and  the  inevitable  sign  of  decay  was  put  on  the 
door :  "  To  let,  inquire  of  the  baby."  The  dragon 
and  its  young  were  no  more,  and  many  there  were 
who  wished  bon  voyage  to  both  and  prayed  that 
they  might  never  return. 

It  was  at  this  time  that  Delilah,  now  like  Elaine, 
cast  an  anchor  to  windward.  No  more  business, 
so  next  best  thing  was  to  marry  for  business — not 
sentiment.  At  this  opportune  moment  a  handsome, 
well  educated,  innocent  youth  came  along  and  fate 
at  once  had  him  in  its  meshes.  He  fell  madly  in 
love  .with  her.  Like  Sampson  of  old,  his  eyes  were 
put  out  and  she  made  him  grind  in  her  prison 
house.  His  love  was  not  reciprocated ;  she  played 
with  his  affections  like  a  cat  worries  its  victim,  until 
she  commenced  to  see  he  was  growing  shy  under 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  105 

her  treatment ;  then  she  raised  the  headgates  of  her 
hypocritical  devotion  and  poured  love  upon  him, 
such  as  it  was,  in  gigantic  volume.  He,  poor  fool, 
took  this  artificial,  frothy  affection  for  the  genuine 
article,  and  succumbed  to  her  wiles  in  the  month  of 
roses,  when  the  marriage  ceremony  was  performed 
by  the  author  of  double  bow  knots  by  one  who  ties 
them. 

Now,  the  marriage  ceremony  being  over,  Bar- 
ney's unhallowed  whispers  soon  changed  the 
fountains  of  make-believe  love  to  rivers  of  eternal 
hate,  which  generated  diabolical  deeds  and  treacher- 
ous as  well  as  selfish  acts — never  before  equalled 
since  the  days  of  Mary  Queen  of  Scots,  and  the 
infamous,  deceitful,  undermining  Bothwell  mur- 
dered Darnley.  Awful  to  relate;  yes,  indeed,  awful ; 
and  the  hand  that  now  pens  it  shudders  at  the 
thought  of  the  traps,  snares  and  murderous  pitfalls 
laid  for  this  confiding,  devoted,  unsuspecting  youth, 
who,  many  a  time  afterwards,  repeated  the  old 
adage  in  tears,  "  Married  in  haste,  repent  at 
leisure;"  for,  just  as  the  ostrich  is  coaxed  and 
decoyed  into  the  deadly  pen  to  be  plucked,  so  did 
she  entice  this  honest  specimen  of  manhood  into 
her  snare,  and  not  alone  did  she  pluck  off  all  his 
valuable  plumage,  but  in  his  weakness  and  ill-health 
tried  to  confine  him  in  an  institution  where  she 
knew  his  death  would  be  hastened  by  the  thought 
of  her  base,  unprincipled,  mercenary  conduct 


106  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

towards  him.  What  cared  this  modern  Catherine 
of  Russia  whether  he  languished  in  a  cell  or  not,  so 
long  as  she  and  her  brother  "  By  "  could  enjoy  the 
fruits  of  his  hard,  painstaking  labor?  "  Man  pro- 
poses, but  God  disposes."  The  Omniscient  eye  of 
the  Father,  of  whom  it  is  written,  "  Never  allows 
the  righteous  to  be  forsaken,  or  his  seed  begging 
bread,"  decreed  it  otherwise.  The  still,  small  voice 
reached  the  core  of  this  woman's  calloused  heart 
and  said  to  her,  like  Paul  of  old,  "Halt."  The 
scales  now  fell  from  her  eyes,  and  like  the  prodigal 
son,  she  saw  herself  in  her  true  light.  She  sees 
her  duty  and  resolves  to  do  it.  "  I  will  arise  and 
go  to  my  husband  and  say  unto  him,  '  I  have  sinned 
against  heaven  and  in  thy  sight.  I  am  no  more 
worthy  to  be  called  by  the  sacred  name  of  wife; 
make  me,  I  pray  thee,  as  one  of  thy  hired  servants, 
for  I  have  robbed  you;  I  have  deserted  you  in 
sickness  and  disease;  I  have  not  obeyed  the  laws 
of  God  in  that  I  have  cared  for  my  brother  and 
neglected  you.  I  have  acted  like  the  ungrateful 
skylark,  which  sings  its  sweetest  songs  to  the 
clouds,  while  it  gets  its  food  and  bed  upon  the 
earth.  You  have  been  good  to  me;  you  have  never 
denied  me  anything;  your  purse-strings  were 
always  open  to  my  wants  and  your  heart  to  my 
affections.  I,  therefore,  should  not  have  caused  you 
trouble  in  your  adversity,  pain  in  your  sickness, 
deserted  you  in  your  loneliness.  Instead  of  being 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  107 

a  help  to  you,  I  aided  your  enemies.  In  your 
weakness,  I  placed  pitfalls  before  you ;  I  persecuted 
you  even  unto  death ;  I  lied  about  you.  My  base 
brother  filled  my  heart  with  hate  against  you,  in 
order  that  I  might  feed  and  clothe  him  at  your 
expense.  My  unnatural  brother  may  desert  his 
wife  and  leave  her  to  freeze  in  the  cold  and  frozen 
Northwest,  but,  God  helping  me,  I  will  not  shirk 
my  duty  again.  Only  forgive  me  this  once.  I 
know  I  am  not  worthy  of  one  leaf  of  your  affection  ; 
your  true  and  constant  love  as  exemplified  in  your 
unswerving  conduct  to  me.  Let  me  love  you,  I 
beseech  of  thee,  so  that  I  may,  by  my  future  acts, 
show  that  all  good  is  not  gone  out  of  me.  Give  me 
a  chance  to  make  reparation  for  my  sins  and  I 
promise  you  I  will  stand  by  you  against  the  world 
in  future.  Your  friends  shall  be  my  friends,  your 
people  shall  be  my  people,  and  your  God  my  God. 
I  will  turn  the  back  of  my  hand  as  well  as  my  life 
to  all  that  is  unrighteous,  unclean  and  unholy,  and 
sanctify  myself  to  thee  and  my  God  forever.' ' 

Like  the  father  in  the  parable,  Abner  met  her 
while  she  was  yet  a  good  way  off  and  with  open 
arms  and  revived  affection,  welcomed  the  penitent 
home.  His  old  love  all  came  back  again  and  they 
were  happy  once  more. 

In  the  exuberance  of  her  joy  she  continued :  "  I 
now  see  this  wanton,  selfish  brother  in  his  true  light 
and  as  you  now  forgive  me,  I  will,  in  future,  be 


108  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

your  wife  in  deed  as  well  as  in  name.  I  am  truly 
sorry,"  she  said,  with  sobs,  "  I  made  you  so  much 
trouble  and  expense,  but  I  couldn't  help  it.  He 
paralyzed  my  sensor ium,  my  judgment  he  took  from 
me,  through  his  wily  serpentine  words  I  could  see 
nothing  good  in  you,"  she  continued.  "  I  licker- 
ished  his  words ;  I  acted  on  his  diabolical  sug- 
gestions; I  obeyed  his  unnatural  orders;  I  satisfied 
his  inhuman  desires ;  I  forgot  the  divine  command, 
'  Therefore  shall  a  person  leave  his  father,  brother, 
sister  and  all  and  cleave  unto  their  wife  or  hus- 
band.' He  is  not  to  blame,  though,  for  the  poor 
little  wretch  realizes  his  inability  to  earn  a  liveli- 
hood, and  like  the  cruel  Italian  scoundrel  in  the 
play,  he  kept  me  in  his  power  so  as  to  get  out  oi 
me  his  daily  bread.  I  see  it  all  now ;  I  see  it,"  she 
said,  with  sobs  which  plainly  told  of  a  contrite 
heart. 

Scarce  had  this  outburst  of  repentance  died  away 
and  before  a  dozen  morning  suns  had  risen  on  their 
joy,  the  despoiler  of  homes  again  put  in  his  appear- 
ance and  in  Abner's  absence,  whispered  in  her  ear: 

"  Leave  him ;  come  with  me.  I  will  treat  you 
more  kindlv  when  you  are  sick  than  he  will.  He 
will  remember  your  treatment  of  him  and  treat  you 
cruelly.  You  know  I  am  your  mother's  son;  your 
dear  brother  '  By ',"  and  she  listened  to  the  serpent 
charmer's  deceitful  words,  and  again  Abner  was 
left  alone  to  commune  with  himself. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  109 

After  she  was  gone  Abner  pondered  over  what 
had  happened  during  the  few  days  of  his  happiness 
and  he  felt  discouraged  and  resolved  to  go  to  the 
land  of  gold  and  shining  sun;  leave  cruel  fate 
behind  him,  if  possible,  and  commence  life  anew, 
calling  to  mind  the  lines  of  the  poet : 

If  the  friend  who  embraced  in  prosperity's  glow, 
With  a  smile  for  each  joy  and  a  tear  for  each  woe, 
Should  betray  thee  when  sorrows  like  clouds  are 

arrayed, 
"  Look  aloft  "  to  the  friendship  which  never  shall 

fade. 

Should  the  visions  which  hope  spreads  in  light  to 

thine  eye, 

Like  the  tints  of  the  rainbow,  but  brighten  to  fly, 
Then  turn,  and  through  tears  of  repentent  regret, 
"  Look  aloft "  to  the  Sun  that  is  never  to  set. 

— LAWRENCE. 

Acting  on  the  thought,  he  bought  a  ticket  over 

the    Pennsylvania    railroad    for   the    far  West.     It 

was  now  six  p.  M.  and  the  male  chambermaid  of  his 

stateroom  came  along  with  a  smile  that  resembled 

the  door  of  a  chicken  coop  and  said : 

"  Do  you  wish  your  bed  made  up  ?  " 

Abner,  who  now  felt  like  the  boy  pictured  in  the 

school  book  who  caught  his  bird  but  let  it  out  of  his 

hand  again,  said,  "Yes."  Soon  Abner  was  in  bed  and 

fast  asleep,  for  he  had  now  made  up  his  mind  all 


110  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

was  over  between  them.  He  would  not  think,  in 
future,  any  more  of  his  fickle  and  unreliable  wife, 
and  resolved  to  leave  her  and  all  her  relatives 
behind,  blot  her  name  out  of  the  book  of  his 
remembrance,  cut  her  off  from  him  as  soon  as  the 
law  of  the  Golden  State  would  allow. 

As  he  drew  near  the  blackened,  smoky  city  of 
Pittsburg,  "  Breakfast  now  ready  in  the  dining 
car,"  said  the  man  with  the  apron  put  on  to  protect 
his  Sunday  pants. 

"  I'll  take  breakfast  now,"  said  Abner,  "  for  I 
am  hungry.  I  haven't  had  anything  since  I  left 
New  York  yesterday." 

"  Good  breakfast." 

"  Good  money,"  said  Abner,  as  he  handed  the 
conductor  a  cartwheel  in  exchange  for  the  morning 
meal. 

Breakfast  over,  Abner  sat  beside  the  window 
and  watched  the  fields  and  woodlands  as  he  flew- 
through  them  at  the  rate  of  sixty  miles  an  hour. 
Cattle,  windmills,  fields  and  oil  wells  passed  from 
his  view  at  lightning  speed,  and  at  eight  p.  M.  he 
was  nearing  Chicago,  where  he  put  up  for  the  night 
at  the  Grand  Pacific  Hotel.  In  the  morning  he 
called  on  his  cousin  and  her  four  beautiful  children, 
where  he  received  a  warm  welcome  such  as  only 
true-hearted  people  can  give. 

"  Glad  to  see  you.  How  gray  and  worn  you 
look,"  said  his  cousin,  with  a  smile.  "  I  am  glad 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  Ill 

your  troubles  are  over ;  you  have  had  an  awful  time 
of  it,  haven't  you  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  Abner,  "  I  had  a  hot  time  for  the 
last  two  years.  Treachery  has  placed  all  those  gray 
hairs  in  my  head.  I  am  now  determined  to  live 
down  all  my  sorrows,  disappointments  and  losses, 
and  with  an  eye  only  set  on  the  future,  my  back 
turned  on  the  past,  I  will  leave  Chicago  tonight." 

That  night  Abner  boarded  the  train  for  Canada. 
He  reached  Manitoba's  chief  city,  Winnipeg,  two 
days  later,  in  good  health  and  excellent  spirits. 
Winnipeg  is  a  beautiful  city  of  the  Northwest,  sur- 
rounded by  the  best  wheat  country  in  the  world. 
The  small  lakes  in  the  country  surrounding  Win- 
nipeg abound  in  fish.  The  city  is  built  at  the 
junction  of  the  Red  and  Assiniboine  Rivers;  it 
commands  the  trade  of  the  North,  East  and  West. 
It  is  different  from  most  Western  and  Northern 
cities  in  that  its  houses  are  mostly  substantial 
structures  of  brick  and  stone;  electric  lights,  parks, 
immense  flouring  mills,  half  a  dozen  grain  elevators 
and  one  of  the  largest  abbatoirs  in  the  world,  are 
the  principal  things  that  catch  the  eye  of  the 
tourist. 

Abner  stayed  here  two  days,  saw  all  the  sights, 
and  were  it  not  for  Jack  Frost,  who  seemed  to  be 
in  full  possession  of  the  place,  he  would  have  stayed 
longer.  This  is  a  cold  country.  Seven  months  'of 
the  year  it  is  bound  in  ice  and  snow. 


112  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Next  stop  was  at  Marquette,  where  Abner  got  out 
his  gun  and  shot  some  game.  The  town  is  just 
half  way  between  Vancouver  and  Montreal.  His 
next  stop  was  at  Rush  Lake,  a  place  noted  for  its 
great  flocks  of  game  of  almost  all  kinds,  where 
swans,  geese,  ducks  and  pelican  can  be  found  in 
myriads;  also  large  game. 

Abner  got  out  here  and  remained  a  week,  shoot- 
ing wild  duck  of  all  kinds,  from  the  teal  to  the 
mallard — no  waiting  or  walking — just  take  aim. 
The  climate  is  exceedingly  mild  here,  considering 
the  latitude,  and  so  dry  that  a  person  rarely  feels 
the  cold. 

The  next  stop  was  at  Calgary,  altitude  three 
thousand  four  hundred  feet;  population,  between 
six  and  seven  thousand.  This  is  a  snug  little  city ; 
it  is  indeed,  the  most  healthy-looking,  prosperous 
and  inviting  on  the  road.  It  is  known  as  the  sirloin 
of  Canada.  It  is  situated  on  a  hill-girt  plain, 
shaded  by  the  Rocky  Mountains,  and  is  the  fur- 
nisher of  supplies  to  the  great  ranching  country 
which  lies  north  of  it. 

He  stopped  over  a  week  to  see  the  sights,  and 
was  indeed  surprised  to  see  the  tremendous  herds 
of  cattle  which  were  fed  on  the  plains,  winter  and 
summer.  Calgary  has  a  very  mild  climate  and  as 
coal  is  exceedingly  cheap  and  lumber  plenty,  little 
or  no  hardship  is  felt  from  cold  by  its  inhabitants. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  113 

Next  place  of  note  he  stopped  at  was  Banff. 
This  is  known  as  the  Switzerland  of  the  Western 
hemisphere.  Now,  Abner  had  forgotten  the  past 
and  all  its  troubles,  trials,  blue  streaks  and  mis- 
fortunes, and  was  now  just  commencing  to  enjoy 
nature's  grandest  effort  which  here  loomed  up 
before  him  in  majestic  splendor,  as  he  walked 
through  the  Canadian  National  Park  which  lies  in 
the  heart  of  the  Rocky  Mountain  range.  This 
Garden  of  Eden,  with  its  rivers,  valleys  and  forest- 
clad  slopes,  its  shining  cascades  and  the  roaring, 
foaming  torrents  of  the  Bow  River,  create  a  pic- 
ture as  charming  as  any  on  earth.  Abner  thought 
to  himself,  "  What  pen  or  brush  can  paint  its 
equal;  it  beats  the  old  masters'  efforts  and  puts 
the  work  of  the  most  clarified  pen  in  the  shade," 
and  he  exclaims,  "  Behold,  greater  than  Raphael 
is  here;  great  is  nature's  handiwork  and  sublime 
are  these,  her  greatest  and  most  beautiful  pro- 
ductions." 

This  is  the  head  and  shoulders  of  the  giant  Rocky 
Mountain  range.  The  Park  is  a  national  reser- 
vation, nearly  twenty-six  miles  long  and  almost 
eleven  wide.  It  embraces  the  valleys  of  the  Bow- 
spray  and  Cascade  Rivers,  Devil's  Lake  and  three 
or  four  mountain  ranges.  No  part  of  these  giant 
hills  show  man  more  sublime  or  pleasing  scenery 
than  this  point.  Devil's  Lake  has  the  largest  trout 


114  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

in  the  world,  and  Abner  hired  a  rod  and  reel  to 
catch  some.  Now  he  had  the  rod  and  tackle,  but 
sooft  was  like  a  young  doctor — out  of  patience 
(patients).  He  could  not  wait  for  the  trout  to 
make  up  his  mind  to  swallow  the  hook,  so  he  trolled 
for  him  and  soon  he  had  a  giant  struggling  on  his 
hook.  No  sooner  had  this  finny  inhabitant  of  the 
water  been  struck  so  unceremoniously  and  in  so 
unsportsmanlike  manner,  then  he  shot  with  almost 
lightning  speed  for  the  opposite  side  of  the  lake, 
while  Abner  held  his  breath.  He  let  him  have  all 
the  line  he  wanted  and  soon  his  stock  on  hand  grew 
small  and  he  feared  he  was  going  to  lose  him,  also 
his  line,  when  suddenly  the  fish  stopped  and  the 
line  lay  in  the  water  without  strain. 

Abner  now  was  in  high  glee,  and  calling  to  the 
guide,  said,  "  I  have  got  him,  sure  pop." 

But  he  counted  without  his  host,  for  no  sooner 
had  he  said  this,  than  the  reel  commenced  to  spin 
off  again.  Abner  now  knew  that  it  would  not  be 
long  until  all  the  line  was  out  and  then  it  would  be 
a  case  of  strength,  as  the  robin  said  when  he  pulled 
the  worm  out  of  the  ground. 

"  Play  him,"  said  the  guide,  "  or  he  will  snap  the 
line." 

Abner  was  green  at  the  business,  and  the  fish 
was  very  large  and  as  full  of  game  as  an  Irish 
terrier.  He  tugged  and  pulled  at  the  Hoe,  then 
slacked  up  a  little,  when  Abner  commenced  to  wind 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  115 

him  up.  His  feet  sank  in  the  mud,  so  he  determined 
to  get  upon  a  rock  and  haul  the  fish  to  shore,  or  pull 
his  hook  out  of  him  and  try  for  a  smaller  one.  No 
sooner  had  Abner  stepped  on  the  rock  than  he  lost 
his  balance  and  the  fish  gave  another  pull  and 
Abner  slipped  into  ten  feet  of  good,  clean  water. 

"Are  you  a  Baptist?  "  called  out  the  guide. 

"  No,  I  am  not,"  said  Abner,  "  but  I  have  a  cousin 
Margaret  that  is  foolish  enough  to  want  plenty  of 
water." 

"  Let  go  the  rod,"  roared  out  the  guide. 

"  Not  if  the  Old  Boy  after  whom  the  lake  is 
called  was  on  the  end  of  it,  I  won't,"  said  Abner, 
who  was  swimming  around  with  one  hand,  while 
the  other  had  a  death-grip  on  the  rod. 

After  a  few  minutes  Abner  got  back  to  the  rock, 
water  streaming  off  him  and  his  teeth  rattling.  He 
at  once  set  to  haul  in  by  sheer  force,  the  unruly 
fish. 

"  You  will  break  the  line." 

"  I  will  not,"  said  he,  "  but  I'll  pull  him  in,  or 
I  will  pull  his  teeth  out." 

He  tugged  and  wound  up  the  line.  At  last  the 
fish  lay  motionless  in  the  water  and  allowed  him- 
self to  be  hauled  near  the  shore.  Now,  he  was 
within  a  few  feet  of  the  rocks,  and  Abner  could 
see  he  had  an  enormous  large  trout  on  the  line,  and 
the  hook  and  bait  were  fastened  to  the  west  end  of 
the  fish  going  east. 


116  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Abner  acted  as  if  he  was  afraid  to  speak,  for  fear 
of  scaring  the  fish,  so  he  kept  pulling  on  the  line 
until  he  got  him  almost  ashore,  when  the  fish  made 
one  more  desperate  effort  to  free  itself.  Abner 's 
temper  now  was  growing  a  little  warm,  and  with 
teeth  set,  he  gave  one  long,  strong  pull  and  the  fish 
was  on  the  sand,  where  the  hook  pulled  out  of  him. 
Abner,  seeing  his  prey  about  to  escape,  threw  him- 
self, like  a  gladiator,  upon  his  victim,  and  as  he 
grabbed  at  it,  the  fish  with  a  sudden  jerk  hit  Abner 
on  the  face  with  his  tail,  inflicting  a  stroke  of  pun- 
ishment upon  his  enemy  before  he  died. 

Abner  now  carried  the  trout  to  the  hotel,  where 
he  boasted  of  his  swimming  and  fishing  qualities. 

The  guide  called  again  that  afternoon,  but  Abner 
had  enough  of  the  finny  tribe  for  one  day  and  also 
for  the  next  and  maybe  for  life,  for  he  not  alone 
caught  the  trout,  but  also  a  heavy  cold. 

"  I  do  not  like  fishing,"  said  he,  "  but  if  you 
furnish  me  a  guide,  I'll  go  after  some  game  with 
my  gun." 

The  next  morning  found  Abner  and  six  of  his 
fellow-tourists  climbing  the  mountains,  and  he  was 
no  amateur  at  it,  nor  at  the  art  of  calling  down 
game  with  his  gun.  When  they  started  from  the 
hotel,  all  told  of  their  experience  with  a  shotgun. 
Abner  kept  still,  expecting  to  surprise  them  when 
the  time  came  for  action.  They  had  not  long  to 
wait  when  they  could  try  their  skill,  for  rabbits 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  117 

and  small  game  were  in  abundance,  quail  flew  and 
rabbits  ran  everywhere,  only  to  be  fired  at  and 
missed. 

"  Stop,"  said  he,  "  let  me  take  the  next  half-dozen 
shots/'  and  they  did,  when  he  potted  the  six. 

Soon  he  had  the  attendant  loaded  with  game,  his 
experience  on  the  mountains  of  California  having 
almost  made  him  a  perfect  shot.  No  animal  could 
run  fast  enough  to  get  away  from  him,  and  nine 
birds  out  of  ten  that  he  fired  at  would  meet  their 
fate.  Even  the  jack  rabbit  on  the  Southern 
mountains  and  plains  could  not  escape  him,  and  I 
have  seen  him  shoot  four  out  of  a  covey  of  quail 
with  a  repeater  before  they  got  beyond  reach  of  his 
deadly  aim. 

When  the  party  started  for  home  at  six  p.  M. 
he  had  more  game  than  the  other  five,  and  /each  of 
them  fired  more  shots  than  he.  They  all  agreed 
that  Abner  was  the  best  shot  on  the  Rockies,  flying 
or  running;  also  a  good  swimmer,  but  he  had 
neither  the  skill  nor  patience  of  a  good  fisherman. 

Next  day,  all  started  out  again,  and  like  the  day 
before,  Abner  got  the  most  game.  He  would  wait 
until  the  game  was  first  fired  at  and  missed  before 
he  pulled  on  them,  and  then  down  they  came.  His 
skill  with  the  gun  and  his  ignorance,  awkwardness 
and  impatience  with  the  rod,  was  the  gossip  of  the 
boys  at  the  hotel.  His  tongue  sometimes  was  as 
polished  as  if  he  had  kissed  the  Blarney  stone  all 


118  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

his  life,  and  then  again,  it  was  as  rough  as  a  cat's 
and  cut  like  a  two-edged  sword,  often  too  deep  to 
heal. 

Abner  enjoyed  life  here  and  was  grieved  to 
leave. 

"  I  wish  I  were  rich,"  he  said,  "  and  I  would  live 
on  the  Rocky  Mountains  with  the  wild  goats  and 
mountain  sheep,  with  heaven's  starry  blue  sky  for 
my  roof;  the  rockies  for  my  hobstone  and  the 
plains  for  my  floor  and  vegetable  garden,  the 
Fraser  River  for  my  salmon  and  water  supply,  and 
the  Devil's  Lake  for  my  ice  box;  the  boiling 
springs  at  Banff  for  my  hot  water  tank,  and  I 
think,  then,  heaven  would  be  my  future  home. 
Alas,  my  dream  is  over,  and  I  must  leave  in  the 
morning  for  Vancouver,  there  to  take  the  Pacific 
line  of  steamers  for  San  Francisco.  "  Call  me  at 
five  A.  M.,"  said  Abner  to  the  clerk  at  the  Hot 
Springs  Hotel.  "  I  wish  to  leave  for  Vancouver  in 
the  morning  on  the  5  150  train." 

"All  right,"  said  the  genial  quill  driver,  "  I'll  do 
so,"  and  added,  "  sorry  to  learn  you  are  going  to 
leave  us ;  haven't  we  treated  you  all  right  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  Abner,  with  emphasis.  "  There  is 
not  one  man  on  the  line  of  the  Canadian  Pacific 
that  knows  how  or  could  treat  anyone  but  squarely 
and  gentlemanly;  no  road  on  earth  handled  by  a 
finer  set  of  men  than  the  same  C.  P.  R.  It  is  a 
pleasure  to  travel  from  the  Atlantic  to  the  Pacific 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  119 

and  be  sure  of  courteous  and  gentlemanly  treatment 
all  the  time.  The  smallest  child  or  feeblest  old 
lady  can  travel  by  this  road  with  perfect  safety." 

"  Well,  Mr.  L'Estrange,  good  bye,"  said  the  ink- 
slinger.  "  I  will  not  be  able  to  see  you  in  the  morn- 
ing." 

"  Good  bye,"  said  Abner,  "  and  I  hope  to  see  you 
some  day  again,  and  should  you  ever  call  at  Los 
Angeles,  come  and  see  me.  My  door  always  swings 
in  for  friends."  V 

Abner  now  went  to  bed  thinking  of  all  the  joy 
he  had  at  Banff  and  soon  he  was  fast  asleep.  He 
dreamed  of  the  name  of  the  lake  and  it  soon  dis- 
turbed his  slumbers  and  in  the  darkness  he  thought 
he  could  see  Barney's  face  in  agony  and  despair  as 
he  swam  around  the  lake  calling  for  help.  The 
master  of  ceremonies  of  the  place,  with  a  smile  on 
which  he  has  a  patent,  answered,  "Ah  there,  stay 
there.  I  was  cast  out  of  Heaven  for  disobedience, 
but  you  will  never  see  it,  for  you  were  born  in 
iniquity,  conceived  in  sin  and  now  my  home  will 
be  yours  for  all  eternity.  You  breaker  of  hearts 
and  wrecker  of  homes,  you  degrader  of  the  orphan 
and  despoiler  of  the  widow,  you  ensnarer  of  the 
innocent,  maligner  of  the  just,  robber  of  the  sick 
and  fever-stricken,  enemy  of  all  that  is  righteous, 
noble,  elevating,  just  and  holy,  you  have  divided 
your  last  home,  you  have  decoyed  and  deceived 
your  last  victim.  After  you  are  washed  and  clean 


120  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

I  will  have  you  transferred  to  that  place  where  you 
see  the  smoke,  there  to  remain  until  time  is  no 
more,  where  the  worm  never  dies  and  the  fire  is 
not  quenched;  where  there  is  and  forever  will  be 
weeping  and  gnashing  of  teeth.  You  have  earned 
this  your  reward  and  I'll  see  that  you  get  it.  When 
you  are  clean  enough,  you  will  be  transferred — not 
till  then.  You  are  now  too  foul  and  dirty  to  asso- 
ciate with." 

There  on  the  banks  stood  all  those  whom  he  had 
injured  in  his  lifetime,  pointing  their  fingers  with 
scorn  at  him,  and  saying  to  him : 

"  I  told  you  you  would  get  here ;  my  unborn  babe 
curses  you;  my  fevered  brain  prayed  for  your 
downfall;  my  deceived  and  ruined  daughter  asked 
for  this  punishment  for  you,  my  broken-hearted 
husband,  whom  you  decoyed  to  the  wooly  West  and 
robbed  of  the  savings  of  a  lifetime,  with  asthmatic 
voice  supplicated  the  throne  of  grace  to  punish  you. 
My  dear  daughter  whom  you  married,  neglected, 
covered  with  infamy  and  shame,  asked  with  tears, 
that  you  be  sent  here,  and  now  that  you  are  here, 
you  will  get  your  deserts,  I  hope.  I  have  no 
ambition  for  your  company,  but  I  suppose  you  know 
I  have  no  choice,  so  I  am  determined  to  make  the 
best  of  it." 

"  Turn  on  the  steam,"  said  someone  in  the 
building. 

Abner  thought  they  w£re  going  to  scald  "  By  " 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  121 

and  he  awoke  to  find  that  it  was  five  o'clock  and  the 
bells  were  ringing.  The  perspiration  freely  flowed 
off  him ;  he  raised  himself  on  his  elbow  and  looked 
around  the  room  to  see  if  he  could  find  Barney  or 
his  ghost.  Not  seeing  them  he  concluded  'twas  a 
dream.  So  he  dressed  himself  and  got  to  the  'bus 
and  soon  was  on  board  the  train  and  fast  leaving 
Banff  toward  the  setting  sun. 

Next  place  of  interest  is  Hector.  At  this  place  a 
crystal  water  separates  into  the  great  divide,  one 
arm  flowing  to  the  Pacific,  the  other  into  Hudson 
Bay.  The  spinal  column  of  the  continent  is  here. 
The  station  at  the  foot  of  the  Rocky  Mountains  is 
named  after  the  first  President  of  the  railroad. 
Perched  here  and  there  on  the  mountain  sides  like 
wicker  baskets  on  the  Irishman's  donkey,  are  small, 
beautiful  lakes,  hidden  from  the  casual  observer's 
view  by  romantic  environments.  Their  loveliness 
and  charm  surpasses  description.  There  is  a  path 
to  Mirror  Lake  higher  up  in  the  mountains,  where 
there  is  a  comfortable,  as  well  as  beautiful  hotel. 
Still  further  up  in  cloudland,  is  the  crystal  lake, 
Agnes,  from  which  a  beautiful  view  of  the  valley 
and  adjacent  mountains  can  be  taken.  The  path 
also  leads  to  Paradise  Valley,  Valley  of  the  Ten 
Peaks,  and  other  spots  of  interest  to  the  tourist. 

"  Now  I  am  in  the  clouds,  my  next  thought  is 
how  to  go  down  without  rolling.  Well,  I  got 


122  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

down  and  am  tired  enough  to  sit  still  on  the  train 
to  Vancouver." 

We  are  off  again  over  the  valley  of  the  Fraser 
River,  on  which  are  the  richest  salmon  fisheries  of 
the  world;  on  and  on  we  rush.  At  last  we  enter 
the  canyon  of  the  Thomson  River.  Here  the 
coeval  mountains  draw  nigh  to  one  another,  and 
our  train  runs  along  their  faces  hundreds  of  feet 
above  the  struggling  river.  The  waters  now  are 
more  confined  and  deeper,  and  the  scenery  changes 
to  savage  grandeur.  The  threatening  cliffs  tower 
above  our  heads  and  remind  us  of  Joseph's  coat  of 
many  colors.  Now  and  then  can  be  seen,  through 
breaks  in  the  clouds,  the  snowy  peaks  of  the  Rock- 
ies as  they  nestle  amidst  the  planets  in  the  blue 
heavens  above  us.  We  are  now  running  at  a  fast 
pace  and  soon  Burrow  Inlet  is  in  view.  From  here 
we  can  look  back  at  the  snow-capped  mountains 
and  wonder  how  we  ever  got  through.  Soon  Van- 
couver is  reached  and  it  is  a  pleasant  surprise  to 
see  such  a  beautiful  city  after  passing  through  the 
wild  homes  of  the  tiger,  lion,  the  moose,  the  bear, 
the  cayote  and  mountain  sheep.  Vancouver  has 
beautiful  homes,  schools  and  churches;  its  streets 
are  clean  and  paved  with  asphalt.  It  is  lighted  by 
gas  and  electricity;  it  has  an  ample  supply  of  pure 
water  from  the  mountains;  it's  harbor  has  steam- 
ship lines  for  the  Orient,  as  well  as  all  along  the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  123 

Pacific  Coast,  Australia,  Van  Dieman's  Land  and 
Puget  Sound. 

Abner  got  off  the  train  and  soon  was  on  his  way 
to  the  Vancouver  Hotel,  where  he  stayed  all  night 
and  received  the  kindest  of  treatment.  In  the 
morning  he  made  his  way  to  the  steamer  for  San 
Francisco.  Getting  on  board  before  many  of  the 
passengers  were  astir,  he  walked  up  and  down 
watching  the  crafts  as  they  passed  in  and  out  the 
harbor.  He  now  determined  to  keep  a  diary  of 
each  day,  so  he  opened  his  first  day  : 

"Got  on  board  all  right;  breakfast  none,  lost  it 
between  the  boat  and  the  hotel;  lunch  at  twelve 
o'clock,  dinner  at  six  P.  M.  ;  felt  badly,  caused  by  the 
rocking  of  the  vessel ;  took  some  pills,  went  to  bed 
and  slept  soundly.  Second  day  out:  Got  up  at 
five  A.  M.,  met  a  United  States  warship  and  several 
other  vessels ;  was  amused  to  see  the  sea  gulls  fly 
after  the  vessels  and  fight  for  the  food  which  the 
sailors  threw  out.  Breakfast  at  eight;  lunch  at 
twelve  and  dinner  at  six  was  all  of  interest  that 
day.  Went  early  to  bed;  didn't  feel  good.  Third 
day,  got  up  early,  passed  an  iceberg,  watched  the 
seals,  or  sealions,  flounder  in  the  water,  ate  my 
meals  with  a  relish;  now  San  Francisco  was  in 
view  and  all  aboard  were  glad.  We  were  soon  on 
the  dock  and  moving  up  the  plank;  all  scattered  to 
their  various  homes." 

Abner  put  up  at  the  Grand  Hotel  for  the  night, 


124  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

intending  to  pay  a  visit  to  Golden  Gate  Park  in  the 
morning.  Morning  came  and  he  wended  his  way 
to  the  park,  which  is,  in  his  humble  judgment,  the 
finest  in  the  world.  Once  there  he  visited  his 
favorite  spot  first  —  the  large  avaries.  These 
colossal  cages  embrace  an  earthly  paradise  of  rocks 
and  rills,  valleys  and  forest-clad  hills,  slopes  covered 
with  trees  and  shrubs  of  almost  endless  variety, 
while  down  its  valleys,  flow  rushing  torrents  of 
crystal  water  from  the  mountains,  bestowing  a 
blessing  on  all  animal  and  vegetable  life  as  it  passes 
through  on  its  way  to  the  restless  ocean.  Within 
these  glass  and  wire  palaces,  can  be  seen  the  most 
beautiful  of  nature.  The  trees  are  filled  with  birds 
of  every  clime,  and  their  songs  enliven  the  leisure 
hours  of  the  visitor  with  music  that  hath  no  com- 
parison as  they  fly  from  bough  to  bougli  or  quench 
their  thirst  in  the  silvery  waters  of  the  rushing 
brook.  Above  all  can  be  heard  the  wild,  heaven- 
inspiring  notes  of  the  master  songster  of  the 
Orient — the  Pekin  nightingale,  as  it  flits,  with  in- 
describable speed  from  bough  to  grass  and  grass 
to  water's  edge,  its  yellow-decked  wings  shining 
like  golden  spots  in  the  sun,  and  all  agree  that  it  is 
the  most  beautiful  as  well  as  the  loveliest  songster 
of  the  glade.  Next  you  see  perched  on  a  tree  over- 
hanging the  running  waters,  a  number  of  German 
and  Egyptian  nightingales.  With  open  beaks  these 
children  of  the  queen  of  song  add  their  unexcelled 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  125 

musical  efforts  to  the  praises  of  nature.  What  this 
bird  lacks  in  beauty,  it  makes  up  in  the  richness  of 
its  voice,  and  is  well  seconded  in  its  efforts  by  a 
number  of  skylarks  from  the  bogs  of  the  Isle  of  St. 
Patrick.  The  Irish  song  thrush  from  the  green 
fields  and  mountains  can  also  be  seen  and  heard 
in  numbers,  as  well  as  the  golden  bill  blackbird 
from  its  native  haunts  in  the  white  thorn  hedges 
of  the  Green  Isle.  Hundreds  of  St.  Andresbergh 
canaries  of  all  hues  and  colors,  from  the  mountains 
of  the  fatherland  and  the  forests  of  Thuringa  join 
in  the  chorus.  Cooing  doves,  climbing  and  ground 
squirrels,  African  gray  parrots  and  Mexican  double 
yellow  heads  are  also  here.  California  quail,  prairie 
chicken,  cotton-tail  and  partridge  run  among  the 
trees;  the  Kentucky  cardinal  and  Baltimore  oriole 
sing  while  sitting  on  the  tops  of  the  little  bird  cot- 
tages swinging  from  the  trees.  The  former  has  a 
coat  of  red  like  an  English  soldier,  while  the  latter 
is  dressed  in  the  colors  of  Lord  Baltimore.  The 
sublime  songster,  the  inimitable  mockingbird  from 
the  sunny  South,  dwell  with  the  wild  ducks  and 
geese  from  the  frozen  fields  of  Canada  and  Alaska. 
The  little  robin  redbreast  and  the  king  of  all  birds, 
the  wren  from  the  British  Isles,  chum  with  the 
countless  varieties  of  African  finches  from  the  land 
of  the  savage  Zulus ;  the  Java  sparrow  disputes  the 
ground  in  deadly  combat  with  their  English  cousin. 
The  beautiful  bulfinch  from  Germany  boss  their 


126  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

cousins  from  the  English  orchards.  The  magpie 
and  crow  are  domiciled  with  the  peacock  on  account 
of  their  dishonesty.  The  African  lovebirds  caress 
one  another  in  the  shade  of  some  rubber  plant.  The 
golden  pheasant  with  his  beautiful  plumage,  basks 
in  the  sunshine  under  the  willow;  the  wild  turkey 
struts  like  Roscoe  Conklin  in  the  Senate  of  old,  on 
the  gravel  pathway,  and  the  most  conceited  bird 
of  all  and  the  most  beautiful — the  Irish  goldfinch — 
sings  to  its  little  mate  on  its  wooly  nest,  while  the 
humming  birds  fly  around  and  .sip  nectar  from  the 
flowers  that  cluster  on  the  walls.  The  most  casual 
observer  is  convinced  at  once  that  this  bird  village 
is  cosmopolitan,  for  all  kingdoms  and  countries 
are  represented,  from  the  flowery  kingdom  of  the 
chrysanthemum  to  the  opposite  side  of  the  earth 
and  around  to  the  palace  of  the  Mikado,  are 
gathered  the  best  specimens  of  their  kind,  for  their 
emigration  laws  are  very  strict  —  none  but  the 
educated  and  well-bred  being  allowed  to  enter. 
There  is  not  a  song  bird  on  the  earth's  surface  that 
Abner  knows  or  even  heard  of,  but  can  be  found 
here,  also  the  rare  and  beautiful  birds  from  the 
warmer  climates. 

Abner  walked  along  between  these  castles  full  of 
verdure,  life  and  song,  and  his  heart  was  cheered  as 
he  passed  out  into  the  open  park.  It  was  now  six 
p.  M.  and  he  headed  for  home  between  houses  and 
trees  covered  with  fruit  and  flowers,  and  lingered 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  127 

as  he  bent  his  ears  to  catch  the  cadence  of  the  song 
as  it  died  in  the  distance.  At  last  he  got  to  Golden 
Gate  Park  and  from  there  to  the  cars,  back  to  the 
hotel.  What  he  heard  and  saw  that  day  filled  his 
soul  full  of  praise  of  the  people  of  the  Golden  State 
and  in  his  extreme  delight,  said : 

"  This  is,  indeed,  California  the  Golden,  the 
Queen  State  of  the  West,  and  is  rightly  and  justly 
entitled  to  the  Golden  Gate." 

No  stronger  or  more  convincing  proof  of  the 
refined  and  cultured  man  is  found  anywhere.  The 
beauties  of  nature,  resplendant  under  the  rays  of  a 
golden  sun,  mingled  with  the  sweet  music  of  the 
winged  songsters  of  the  forest  and  the  pleasant 
odor  from  trees,  shrubs  and  flowers,  make  one  think 
this  is  an  earthly  paradise — a  fairyland.  But  some 
primitive  debauched  specimens  of  mankind  were 
also  there  and  as  they  walked  along,  their  actions 
and  words  indicated  they  did  not  see  anything  of 
interest.  They  remarked,  "  We  don't  see  any- 
thing here  but  birds,  animals,  plants,  flowers,  walks, 
trees,  gates  and  poor  workingmen,'*  and  wished 
they  had  gone  to  the  Troy  House  instead,  where 
they  could  put  sawdust  for  an  overcoat  on  their 
tobacco  juice,  and  hear  some  red-eyed  specimen  of 
animated  clay  strangle  music  on  an  instrument  once 
called  a  piano.  The  beautiful  had  no  charms  for 
them,  the  refined  works  of  nature  and  higher  man 
were  dust  in  their  eyes.  The  sinner  would  not 


128  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

enjoy  Heaven,  it  is  said,  or  its  beauties,  but  prefers 
the  dark  region,  the  companionship  of  the  cloven 
foot,  the  lewd  and  the  debauched ;  so  they  preferred 
the  odor  of  decayed  grain,  putrid  cheese,  and  the 
rasping,  squeaky  voice  of  the  scarlet  woman,  to  the 
heaven-inspiring  notes  of  the  nightingale,  the  pure, 
invigorating  air  of  the  mountains  and  sweet  incense 
of  the  plants  and  flowers. 

Abner  enjoyed  Golden  Gate  Park  and  some  day 
will  pay  it  another  visit.  All  are  welcome — even  if 
all  do  not  appreciate  or  enjoy  it,  and  with  true, 
liberal,  open-hearted  Western  hospitality,  without 
money,  without  price,  you  can  walk  through  from 
one  end  to  the  other  and  no  one  will  frown  upon 
you.  The  trees  and  the  plants,  as  well  as  the  par- 
rots, sing  out,  "  Welcome ;"  Polly  adds,  "  Glad  to 
see  you,  stranger;  come  in  and  see  us." 

Abner's  experience  with  the  pets  in  the  park 
created  in  him  a  desire  -to  see  his  own,  and  on  the 
following  day  he  called  at  Mrs.  Martin's,  who  kept 
them  for  him,  to  see  them.  When  Abner  left  Oak- 
land for  the  East  he  left  them  in  her  care  until  he 
returned.  Now  he  was  back  again  and  ready  to 
take  them  home.  All  were  well  except  the  African 
gray  parrot,  Dandy.  He  died  a  few  months  ago, 
of  grief  after  mother,  as  he  always  called  Delilah. 
Dandy  was  looked  on,  and  he  was  the  most  intel- 
ligent of  birds;  he  could  carry  on  a  conversation 
with  a  person  as  intelligently  as  the  average  citizen. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  129 

He  could  spell  words  of  three  syllables,  add  three 
lines  of  figures,  knew  simple  multiplication,  and 
could  easily  tell  a  doctor  when  passing  in  the 
street,  from  a  minister.  Several  times  was  his 
judgment  put  to  the  test  by  doctors  and  ministers. 
He  would  always  say,  "  Good  bye,  doctor,"  and 
"  Good  bye,  reverend  sir,"  and  never  make  a  mis- 
take, except  the  doctor  left  his  medicine  case  at 
home,  and  then  Dandy  could  not  tell  the  difference, 
and  all  who  wore  a  long  black  coat  and  did  not 
carry  a  medicine  case  were  divines  In  Dandy's  es- 
timation. Once  a  friend  of  Abner's  called  at  the 
house  to  see  Delilah  when  she  was  ill  and  Dandy 
said,  "  Good  morning,  doctor."  The  doctor,  to 
test  the  parrot's  intelligence,  went  out  and  came  in 
without  his  medicine  case,  when  Dandy  called  to 
him — being  in  doubt  whether  he  was  a  minister  or 
doctor,  or  both — "  You  old  rascal."  The  doctor 
now  was  convinced  that  the  medicine  case  was  the 
only  thing  that  made  the  doctor,  in  Dandy's  es- 
timation, so,  taking  up  his  medicine  case,  he  passed 
Dandy's  cage  again,  when  Dandy  said,  "  Good 
bye,  doctor."  One  day  as  Abner's  cousin  was  talk- 
ing to  Dandy,  she  said,  in  fun  to  him,  "  You  old 
rascal,"  and  Dandy,  with  an  Irishman's  wit  said, 
'  There  are  two  of  us."  Dandy  hated  everyone  but 
mother,  whom  he  loved  with  all  his  strength.  After 
she  went  East,  the  first  morning  he  forced  open  his 
cage  door  and  wandered  all  over  the  house,  look- 


130  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

ing  into  every  nook  and  corner  in  search  of  her. 
Coming  into  the  dining-room  where  Abner  was,j>vith 
his  wings  down,  he  called  Delilah  several  times,  and 
when  no  one  answered  him,  he  turned  to  Abner  and 
looking  up  in  his  face,  asked,  "  Where  is  mother  ? 
Here  is  mother's  boy,"  and  he  kissed  mother  several 
times,  that  is,  made  a  noise  like  Olga  Nethersole  does 
when  she  is  osculating  on  the  stage.  Abner  now 
put  him  back  into  his  cage  and  tried  to  coax  him 
to  eat,  but  he  called  "  Mother  "  night  and  day,  until 
he  left  for  the  East  and  then  Mrs.  Martin  took 
charge  of  him.  She  says  his  grief  for  mother  was 
pitiful  in  the  extreme;  he  would  call  all  night  for 
mother  to  come  to  him.  "  Mother,  come  to  your 
boy;  poor  Dandy  is  sick,  mother,"  but  mother  did 
not  come,  nor  did  she  care.  Dandy  died  for  her, 
but  she  was  living  for  herself  alone.  Mrs.  Martin, 
who  was  indeed  a  kind-hearted  woman,  did  all  she 
could  to  cheer  and  comfort  him,  but  like  Rachel 
of  old,  he  refused  to  be  comforted,  for  those  he 
loved  deserted  him  and  he  was  fast  dying  of  a 
broken  heart.  For  weeks  this  kind  woman  tried 
to  save  this  marvelous  bird,  and  would  carry  him 
with  affectionate  care  in  her  lap  all  day,  but  every 
few  minutes  he  would  say,  "  Where  is  mother  ? 
Here  is  mother's  boy,"  and  repeat,  "  Poor  Dandy 
is  sick,  mother."  Weeks  passed,  and  months,  and 
this  poor  bird  suffered  tortures  and  at  last  he 
died,  Mrs.  Martin's  tears  running  down  her  face 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  131 

as  she  held  him  gently  in  her  hands.  Dandy  raised 
his  head  and  looked  up  in  her  face,  and  in  his  dying 
breath  asked,  "Where  is  mother?"  and  as  he 
stretched  out  his  neck  and  died  the  last  sound  that 
came  from  him  was,  "  Oh  mother !  ". 

Greater  love  hath  no  one  than  this,  and  like  most 
true  love,  it  was  wasted  on  a  barren  soul — a  soul 
neither  competent  to  reciprocate  such  love  nor 
worth  one  atom  of  such  genuine  true  affection. 
Dandy  was  mourned  for,  for  several  days  and  at 
last  was  laid  to  rest  by  a  friend  of  Abner's  in  his 
own  garden.  He  was  buried  like  Sir  John  Moore, 
at  the  dead  of  night,  the  sod  with  his  whip-handle 
turning,  while  the  moon  showed  its  misty  light  and 
the  lanterns  dimly  burning.  Dandy  was  gone,  and 
all  who  knew  him  were  sorry  that  he  was  no  more. 
He  had  several  mourners,  Abner  and  Mrs.  Martin 
being  chief.  He  cost  when  young,  one  hundred  and 
sixty-three  dollars,  and  a  thousand  wouldn't  have 
bought  him. 

When  Abner  now  entered  the  room  to  see  what 
was  left  of  his  pets  and  to  visit  them,  he  walked 
first  over  to  Romeo,  the  splendid  specimen  oi 
golden  billed  English  blackbird,  which  was  sing- 
ing at  the  top  of  his  voice. 

"  How  do  you  do,  Romeo  ?  "  said  Abner.  Polly, 
a  double  yellow  head  Mexican  parrot  answered  in 
impatient  voice,  "  Talk  first  to  the  little  girl,  please ; 
oh,  talk  to  the  little  girl.  Where  is  momma? 


132  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Dandy  is  dead.  Poor  Dandy  is  dead.  Polly  all 
alone.  Talk  to  the  little  girl.  Polly's  head  itches 
and  she  wants  a  cracker.  Oh,  do  talk  to  the  little 
girl." 

"  I  do  not  know  how  I  can  give  them  up,"  said 
Mrs.  Martin,  "  I  am  so  attached  to  them ;  leave 
them  to  me  for  a  few  weeks  more.  I  might  then 
be  ready  to  give  them  up." 

The  blackbird  was  whistling  his  beautiful  song 
and  the  skylark  from  Erin's  Isle  was  pouring  out 
his  soul  as  he  danced  along  the  front  of  his  cage 
when  he  recognized  his  kind  master's  voice.  Abner 
spent  several  hours  with  them;  their  presence 
reminded  him  of  the  days  when  he  and  Delilah 
and  all  their  pets  lived  happily  together.  That 
was  before  too  much  brother-in-law  entered  the 
home. 

As  Abner  walked  down  Market  Street  to  the 
boat  he  met  an  old  friend,  W.  D.  McArthur,  whole- 
sale commission  merchant  of  San  Francisco,  who, 
like  Abner,  was  an  enthusiastic  sportsman. 

"  Good  morning,  Mr.  L'Estrange." 

"  Good  morning,  Mr.  McArthur." 

The  greeting  over,  they  walked  together  on  to 
the  boat  Piedmont,  bound  for  Oakland.  Seating 
themselves  on  the  backward,  or  shy  end,  of  the 
floating  palace,  they  exchanged  yarns  about  the 
inhabitants  of  the  plains,  prairies,  mountains, 
canyons,  rocks,  oceans,  lakes,  rivers  and  brooks. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  133 

Abner  told  all  his  experience  with  rod,  reel  and  gun 
in  Canada  and  the  Rocky  Mountains,  and  William 
told  some  hair-curling  experiences  with  ducks, 
geese  and  other  game,  which  he  hunted  on  the 
placid  waters  of  the  Pacific.  While  they  were 
thus  engaged,  a  hoary-headed,  dignified  divine  of 
three-score  years,  came  on  the  boat  and  sat  opposite 
them.  His  English  whiskers,  floated  by  the  ocean's 
zephyrs,  looked  like  a  gray  squirrel's  tail  on  thq 
mountain  side,  and  like  that  rodent,  he  was  not 
long  there  without  a  mate,  for  in  a  few  minutes 
along  came  Miss  Wesley,  a  maiden  lady  of  uncer- 
tain age,  with  her  lanigerous  face  and  hair  hanging 
down  on  the  side  of  it  in  coils  like  the  ends  of  a 
ship  rope.  Her  nose  was  fashioned  after  the  omen 
on  the  English  sun  dial ;  her  chin  was  like  the 
field  spike  of  a  surveyor's  helper,  and  her  com- 
plexion told  most  vividly  her  nationality  and  ante- 
cedents, while  the  wrinkles  in  her  face,  like  the 
niches  in  a  cow's  horn,  show  how  many  times  she 
had  seen  old  Sol  in  the  zenith  of  his  power. 

"  Good  morning,  dear  Canon,"  she  said  with  a 
smile  that  looked  like  an  Irish  donkey  eating 
thistles.  "  Oh,  I  am  delighted  to  see  you.  Matilda 
wanted  me  to  wait  until  tomorrow  to  make  this 
visit  to  cousin  Louisa,  but  something  told  me  to 
do  it  today,  and  now  I  am  so  glad  I  am  here  to 
meet  our  dear  pastor." 

"  Well,  I  am  sure,"  said  his  reverence,  "  it  is  a 


134  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

pleasant  surprise  for  your  spiritual  adviser  to  meet 
you  or  any  of  his  flock." 

This  did  not  sound  right  to  the  ears  of  this 
ambitious  lady  of  fifty-six  summers. 

"  I  do  not  like  the  words  '  any  of  his  flock,'  "  she 
said,  as  loud  as  she  could  in  her  own  mind.  Wish- 
ing, though,  to  make  as  much  of  her  time  as  pos- 
sible, she  moved  close  to  the  object  of  her  heart's 
desire. 

"  Some  talk  about  you  being  elected  bishop  by 
the  Southern  diocese,  isn't  there?" 

"  Yes,  my  friends  are  trying  to  make  me  accept 
the  call,  but  I  am  undecided,  as  yet." 

"  Well,  we  will  miss  you,  dear,  so  much,"  she 
said,  her  face  all  aglow  with  love  and  delight,  as 
she  threw  her  long  arms  around  his  neck.  As  she 
did  so,  one  of  her  long  curls  struck  him  in  the  face, 
and  as  he  believes  in  eluding  punishment  or  suffer- 
ing of  any  kind,  he  dodged  his  head  to  the  other 
side,  where  he  was  met  by  the  other  appendix.  By 
this  time  she  had  his  face  covered  with  kisses  and 
would  have  seated  herself  on  his  knees  had  he  not 
drawn  them  in.  In  the  excitement  she  let  her 
handkerchief  fall  on  his  lap,  and  looking  around, 
she  discovered  a  lady  friend  sitting  on  the  opposite 
side. 

With  a  bow,  she  said :  "  That  is  my  dear 
friend,  Miss  Carpenter,  from  Berkeley.  How  do 
you  do,"  and  both  met  with  a  crash,  for  their 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  135 

osculations  lacked  the  gentleness,  softness  and 
sweetness  of  youth.  "  I  haven't  seen  you  in  so 
long,  so  long,  so  long;  remember  I  haven't  seen 
you  since  we  met  at  Miss  Wood's  blue  tea." 

The  divine,  who  sat  hors  de  combat,  was  recover- 
ing from  the  shock  and  commenced  straightening 
out  his  clothing,  when  his  celestial  orbs  fell  on  the 
handkerchief  on  his  lap.  His  knees  trembled,  his 
side  whiskers  shook  like  a  lamb's  tail,  his  face,  here- 
tofore pale,  now  was  crimson. 

The  ladies  on  the  boat  turned  their  faces  to 
watch  the  other  cannon  on  Uncle  Sam's  fort.  The 
men  watched  the  wild  duck  as  they  skimmed  over 
the  water.  The  poor  sky  pilot,  thinking  It  was 
part  of  his  surplice,  commenced  to  put  in  in  place, 
and  after  a  while,  he  succeeded  in  making  an 
eclipse,  but  not  before  all  had  seen  his  efforts  to 
right  what  he  thought  was  wrong. 

After  a  while,  Abner  looked  at  the  bashful 
divine  and  in  a  sympathetic  voice,  said : 

"  Doctor,  that's  beautiful  scenery,  look  out  the 
Golden  Gate." 

"  Very  fi-fi-fine,"  said  he,  with  trembling  lips. 

Miss  Wesley  had  tired  of  her  lady  friend  by  this 
time,  and  with  stately  step  she  walked  towards 
her  pastor  and  dear  friend. 

"  Well,  dear  pastor,  I  had  to  come  back  to  you, 
I  love  to  be  with  you  so  much.  What  did  you  do 


136  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

with  my  handkerchief,  dear?  Did  you  put  it  in 
your  pocket  ? " 

The  aged  divine's  face  now  grew  inches  in 
length  and  the  color  on  his  cheeks  changed  again 
to  the  deepest  crimson.  He  played  nervously  with 
his  watch  chain  and  emblem  of  his  calling  which 
hung  from  his  seamless  vest. 

"  No,  Miss  Wesley,  I  did  not." 

"  Well,  dear,  let  me  have  it ;  I  need  it  so  much, 
on  account  of  a  cold  I  took  in  San  Francisco." 

The  poor  old  man  now  realized  what  he  had 
done  and  he  was  in  a  terrible  strait.  Was  that  her 
handkerchief  he  had  stowed  away,  instead  of  part 
of  his  under-surplice ?  "I  could  give  It  to  her  if 
she  would  only  look  out  the  other  way,"  he  thought, 
but  she  lovingly  looked  into  his  eyes,  for  she  under- 
stood his  actions  as  symptoms  of  love's  frolics. 
"  Now,"  thought  he  to  himself,  "  if  I  deny  I  have 
it,  all  will  know  I  tell  an  untruth;  what  can  I  do? 
If  I  keep  it,  she  will  read  it  as  a  sign  I  love  her 
and  wish  to  keep  it  as  a  remembrance  of  her,  and 
she  will  expect  me  to  marry  her,  and  you  know 
she  and  her  people  are  poor,  and  there  is  Miss 
Orchid  who  is  rich  in  this  world's  goods,  as  well 
as  beautiful  to  look  on;  I  love  her;  she  will  be 
mine,"  he  said,  with  a  grin  of  satisfaction  on  his 
face.  "  I  must  therefore  give  Miss  Wesley  her 
handkerchief.  I  will  ask  her,  in  fun,  to  turn  her 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  137 

back  on  me  for  a  moment ;  then  I  can  resurrect  the 
wiper  and  she  can  have  it,  with  my  blessing. 

"  Miss  Wesley,  please  turn  your  back  toward 
me;  I  want  to  see  what  is  that  hanging  on  your 
dress,"  said  Nebuchadnezzar. 

The  love-sick  old  maid  would  be  delighted  to 
have  stood  on  her  head  if  he  had  asked  her. 
Straightening  herself  up  she  stood  right  in  front  of 
him. 

"  Now  is  my  opportunity,"  he  said,  and  with  the 
alacrity  of  a  young  deer  he  drew  from  its  hiding 
place  the  handkerchief  and  handed  it  to  her  with  a 
loving  smile,  which  he  worked  up  for  the  occasion, 
closed  his  impromptu  pocket  and  was  in  peace  once 
more.  All  on  board  were  glad  to  see  the  poor  old 
man  out  of  his  dilemma.  His  face  and  magnificent, 
as  well  as  sublime,  side  whiskers  waved  with  un- 
alloyed joy,  and  they  who,  for  the  last  thirty  min- 
utes, watched  the  wild  duck  on  its  flight  over  the 
deep,  and  they  who,  at  once  became  so  Intensely 
interested  in  Uncle  Sam's  fort,  exchanged  glances 
at  one  another  and  laughed  at  the  thought  of  the 
poor,  absent-minded  old  man's  experience. 

Now  the  ferryboat  reached  the  dock,  and  all 
moved  up  the  gang  plank  and  were  walking  on 
their  way  to  the  train.  The  old  man,  who  evidently 
was  a  Republican  and  believed  in  the  doctrines  of 
protection — but  not  reciprocity — asked  Miss  Wesley 
what  train  she  would  take. 


138  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  I  am  going  to  Oakland,"  she  said.  "  I  will 
take  that  train,"  pointing  to  the  Oakland  train. 

"  Well,"  said  he,  "  I  am  going  to  Berkeley ;  good 
bye,"  and  he  raised  his  coltotha  to  the  summit  of 
his  cranium  and  was  gone. 

"  Well,"  said  Miss  Wesley,  "  isn't  the  doctor 
the  dearest,  sweetest  man  on  earth  ?  " 

"  I  wonder,"  said  her  friend,  "  when  he  changed 
his  mind.  He  told  me  in  San  Francisco  he  was 
going  to  see  some  friends  in  Oakland ;  now  he  has 
taken  the  train  for  Berkeley." 

Abner  and  his  friend  selected  a  seat  just  behind 
the  one  occupied  by  Miss  Wesley  and  her  friend, 
and  as  they  sat  there  they  heard  the  would-be  little 
girl  talking  about  the  dear  doctor  to  -her  friend. 
After  a  while  she  drew  her  companion  toward  her 
and  said  in  pseudo  bashful  tones,  pretending  to  be 
as  much  frightened  as  a  lonely  quail  that  had  just 
escaped  the  hunter's  careless  aim,  "  The  doctor 
wants  me  to  be  his  wife;  for  pity's  sake  don't  tell 
anybody  about  it,  for  they  would  tease  me  so.  I 
haven't  made  up  my  mind  yet,  whether  I"  shall  take 
him  or  not.  You  know  I  am  an  orphan.  My 
mother  died  when  I  was  young  and  I  have  no  one 
to  ask  advice  of.  I  believe,  also,  the  doctor  is  an 
orphan." 

The  crocodile  tears  now  flowed  like  a  mighty 
Volga  down  her  wrinkled  cheeks,  and  amid  sobs, 
she  continued: 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  139 

"  I  do  not  know  what  answer  to  give  him." 
"  Well,  when  did  he  pop  the  question  ?  " 
"  What  do  you  mean?  " 
"  When  did  he  ask  you  to  marry  him  ?  " 
"  Oh,  my ;  you  don't  know  what  love  is ;  love  is 
like    wireless    telegraphy;    it   flies    without    wings, 
words   or  wire;  it   raises   itself  on  pinnacles  and 
slides    into   hearts    whose    souls    are    prepared   to 
receive  it — a  heart  as  soft  as  jelly,  and  in  as  high 
a  state  of  cultivation  as   an  onion  bed ;  there  it 
amalgamates  with  its  destiny.     Now  they  are  one," 
and   she  hugs  her  old-fashioned   umbrella.     "  Do 
you    understand    it?      It's    perfectly    lovely  —  too 
sweet  for  anything,"  and  her  ring  curls  move  like 
a  cat's  tail  when  she  is  about  to  spring  upon  her 
victim,  as  she  sang  the  words  of  Southey: 
"  They  sin  who  tell  us  love  can  die, 
With  life,  all  other  passions  fly, 
All  others  are  but  vanity. 
In  heaven,  ambition  cannot  dwell, 
Nor  avarice  in  the  vaults  of  hell. 
Earthly  these  passions  of  the  earth 
They  perish  where  they  have  their  birth. 
But  love  is  indestructible; 
Its  holy  flame  forever  burneth, 
From  heaven  it  came,  to  heaven  returneth, 
To  waft  on  earth  a  troubled  guest, 
At  times,  deceived,  at  times,  oppressed ; 
It  there  is  tried  and  purified, 


140  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

Then  hath  in  heaven  its  perfect  rest. 
It  soweth  here  with  toil  and  care, 
But  the  harvest  time  of  love  is  there." 

"  No,  I  don't  think  I  do,  if  that  is  love.  I  have 
never  had  such  experience,"  said  Miss  Michael. 
"  Wasn't  there  some  talk  of  the  doctor  marrying 
Miss  Cooper  ?  " 

"Oh  no;  he  just  treated  her  kindly  because  he 
wished  her  to  play  the  organ  in  his  church,  without 
pay.  I  am  the  only  one  he  has  ever  loved  since  his 
wife  died." 

"  Has  he  ever  written  to  you  ?  " 

"  Oh  yes." 

"  Well,  does  he  say  dear  or  dearest  in  his  letter 
to  you  ?  " 

"  Well,  he  addresses  me  in  both  terms,"  and  she 
drew  from  her  pocket  a  letter  to  back  up  her  state- 
ment, and,  scanning  it  over,  she  said : 

"  In  this  one  he  says  '  dear '  once  and  *  dearest ' 
three  times.  What  does  that  show  ?  " 

"  Well,  my  dear  child,  that  shows  you  are  on 
the  inside  track.  Then  look  out  Miss  Cooper  doesn't 
switch  you  off."  , 

This  tickled  the  child  of  fifty-six  winters,  and  in 
her  delight  she  grew  as  frolicsome  as  a  lamb  in 
springtime,  and  handed  the  letter  to  her  companion 
to  read: 

"  THE  RECTORY,  5  :io  p.  M. 

"  DEAR  Miss  WESLEY  :     I  wish  you  would  see  the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  141 

colored  man  and  have  him  sweep  off  the  sidewalk 
in  front  of  the  church  tomorrow.  Miss  Woods 
thinks  the  flowers  are  beautiful  and  reasonable,  but 
I  think  they  are  the  dearest — considering  the  quality 
— we  ever  had.  I  called  on  Mrs.  Harper  yesterday 
and  she  has  the  dearest  and  sweetest  baby  I  have 
ever  seen.  She  will  show  you  how  to  dust  off  the 
chancel  Saturday.  I  suppose  you  have  heard  the 
vestry  favor  reducing  the  outlay  on  flowers  and 
think  cheaper  ones  could  be  made  to  answer,  but  I 
think  the  dearest  are  none  too  good  for  the  sacred 
edifice. 

"  Hoping  you  will  attend  to  this,  I  remain, 

"  Yours,  etc., 

"  J.  F.  SELKIRK." 

"  Now,  Miss  Michael,  you  see  he  uses  '  dearest ' 
three  times  in  that  letter,  and  '  dear '  once,  and 
signs  himself  '  Yours.'  Now  cannot  you  read,  and 
reading,  understand  ?  " 

Miss  Michael  did  not  know  what  to  say,  so,  look- 
ing out  the  window,  asked : 

"  Is  this  the  car  for  Piedmont  ?  "  pointing  to  a 
car  going  up  Oakland  Avenue. 

Now  they  were  in  front  of  Miss  Michael's  aunt's 
house,  with  whom  she  stopped,  and  both  got  off  the 
car,  each  shaking  the  corkscrew  curls  as  they 
stepped  from  hill  to  hill  in  order  to  escape  the  mud. 
Soon  in  the  house  they  prepared  for  lunch,  which 


142  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

consisted  of  one-half  cracker  and  a  glass  of  Pied- 
mont spring  water.  The  sumptuous  meal  over,  the 
dishes  were  removed  and  Miss  Michael  introduced 
Loftus,  her  pet  cat,  to  the  visitor,  with  the  remark : 
"  Loftus  will  not  stay  home ;  he  is  all  the  time  at 
his  neighbors." 

"Well,  isn't  he  fat?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  and  I  don't  know  what  he  lives  on." 
Miss  Wesley  after  much  thought,  said : 
"  I  wish  I  knew  what  answer  to  give  the  doctor 
tomorrow.     He    may    ask    me    to    decide.     What 
would  you  say  if  you  were  in  my  place  ?  " 

"  I  do  not  know,  really,  what  I  would  do  under 
the  circumstances.  I'll  tell  you  one  thing — I  am 
not  struck  on  clergymen  as  husbands ;  I  don't  think 
they  are  good  investments,  and  daily  they  are  grow- 
ing poorer.  I  think  it  is  only  a  matter  of  time  when 
all  the  churches  will  be  turned  into  lodge  rooms  and 
club  houses.  Look  at  the  change  in  the  last  few 
years.  In  mother's  day,  women  stayed  home  and 
attended  to  the  wants  of  their  children  and  hus- 
bands ;  now  they  are  on  the  platform  and  in  the  club 
house  and  treat  their  children  like  the  modern  hen 
which  uses  the  incubator  for  her  young,  instead  of 
the  old  style  of  hatching  and  scratching  for  them. 
I  tell  you  the  lodge  room  and  women's  club  house 
will  soon  undermine  the  churches,  and  like  Oliver 
Cromwell  with  the  king,  they  will  turn  them  out 
and  take  their  place ;  out  they  go  as  did  Barebone's 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  143 

Parliament.  Since  Christianity  was  founded,  its 
principal  supporters  were  the  mothers  and  daughters 
of  the  world.  They  were  confined  at  their  homes 
all  week,  caring  for  their  families,  and  were  heartily 
glad  when  Sunday  came  and  gave  them  an  oppor- 
tunity to  go  out  and  mingle  with  people.  The 
Church  gave  them  this  opportunity  and  they 
appreciated  it;  consequently  they  supported  it 
with  all  the  means,  energy  and  influence  at 
their  command;  they  then  had  only  two  duties  to 
perform :  one  to  their  church  and  the  other  to  their 
homes  and  families.  Now,  the  real  modern  woman, 
the  simon-pure,  up-to-date,  instead  of  wearing  long 
clothes  to  cover  her  feet,  she  wears  short,  divided 
skirts  and  heavy  shoes  like  a  man's ;  she  is  president 
of  the  woman's  club,  secretary  of  a  ladies'  golf  club, 
attends  lectures  on  how  to  cook  and  dress  reform; 
she  is  the  theoretical  and  mannish  woman  of  modern 
times,  the  supporter  of  the  divorce  courts,  the 
neglector  of  the  home  and  children,  the  wife  who 
studies  cooking  by  books  and  lectures,  and  compels 
her  husband  to  practice  it  at  home  for  himself  and 
children  while  she  is  out  on  her  bike  with  her  neigh- 
bor's best-looking  son.  I  tell  you,  Miss  Wesley, 
that  churches  are  not  the  style  to  day,  and  ministers 
are  not  the  catch  they  used  to  be  in  grandma's 
time." 

Miss  Wesley  was  getting  a  little  color  in  her  face, 


144  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

her  eyes  were  flashing  fire,  and  with  emphasis,  she 
said: 

"  The  modern  woman  may  neglect  her  home  and 
children.  Like  the  hen  that  uses  the  incubator,  she 
may  turn  her  back  on  the  church  and  long  dresses 
and  light,  fine  shoes  for  the  mannish  last,  the  divided 
skirt,  the  lodge  room  and  club  house.  All  will  do 
in  youth,  but  look  where  she  will  be  in  old  and 
feeble  age.  Her  children  in  infancy  were  cast  aside 
by  her  for  the  rostrum  and  club  house  and  brought 
up  by  others.  They  will  not  love  her  or  care  for 
her;  her  husband's  love  has  grown  cold,  through 
her  harshness  and  neglect.  Her  former  companions 
and  associates  of  the  club  house  care  nothing  for 
her  now.  They  sang  in  the  branches  of  her  pros- 
perity, now  they  read  moral  lectures  on  the  dunghill 
of  her  misfortune.  She  sees  no  celestial  future, 
only  the  blackest  despair  and  darkness  of  the  grave 
and  narrow  tomb.  There,  she  ends ;  that  is  her  ter- 
minus forever.  Contrast  that  with  a  true  and  fond 
mother  like  Mrs.  Armstrong,  of  Washington,  D.  C., 
who  gave  her  life  and  best  labors  to  her  husband 
and  children.  They  were  her  joy,  and  to  help  them 
was  her  chief  delight.  She  made  them  happy,  and 
in  their  happiness  she  was  glad.  No  club  house  had 
the  attraction  for  her  that  her  home  and  family  had ; 
no  lodge  room  gave  her  the  comfort  which  she 
received  in  the  house  of  her  Lord  and  Saviour,  into 
whose  courts  she  took  her  family.  She  always  said : 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  145 

"  The  dearest  spot  on  earth  to  me 
Is  what  Wrighton  describes  it  to  be — 

Home,  sweet  home. 
The  fairyland  I  long  to  see, 

Is  home,  sweet  home. 
There  how  charm  the  sense  of  hearing, 
There  where  love  is  so  endearing, 
All  the  world  is  not  so  cheering, 

As  home,  sweet  home. 
I've  taught  my  heart  the  way  to  prize 

My  home,  sweet  home. 
I've  learned  to  look  with  lover's  eyes 

On  home,  sweet  home. 
There,  where  vows  are  truly  plighted, 
There,  where  hearts  are  so  united, 
All  the  world  beside  I've  slighted, 

For  Home,  sweet  home." 

And  now  that  her  end  is  not  far  distant  and  sick- 
ness and  years  tell  their  story,  she  is  surrounded  and 
ministered  to  by  her  grateful  and  devoted  children, 
who  bless  her  in  their  strength  and  aid  her  in  her 
weakness,  comfort  her  in  her  pain  and  cheer  her  in 
her  loneliness,  and  well  might  the  writer  say  of  her, 
"  Friend  of  my  better  days,  none  knew  thee  but 
would  love  thee;  none  saw  thee  but  would  thee 
praise.'  Be  it  days,  weeks,  months  or  years  before 
the  final  summons  is  issued  and  she  hears  the  words, 
'  Well  done,  thou  good  and  faithful  servant,  enter 
thou  into  the  joy  of  thy  Lord.'  When  the  end 


146  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

comes,  be  it  sooner  or  later,  it  will  be  exchanging 
this  life  for  a  blissful  eternity.  She  believed  not 
in  the  club  that  would  leave  her  at  the  grave,  but  in 
Christ  and  His  Church  that  go  with  her  through 
the  dark  valley  of  the  shadow  of  death  and  whispers 
in  her  ears, '  Fear  no  evil  for  I  am  with  thee,  my  rod 
and  staff  comfort  thee.'  Now,  Miss  Michael,"  she 
continued,  "  if  I  think  tomorrow  or  next  day,  as  I 
do  now,  and  the  doctor  presses  the  question,  I  will 
most  assuredly  say  yes." 

"  All  right,  Miss  Wesley,  come  out  for  a  walk," 
and  as  they  strolled  over  the  fields,  Miss  Wesley 
thought  only  of  the  doctor,  and  Miss  Michael  of 
both.  They  spent  one  or  two  hours  in  the  open 
air,  and  both  felt  better  for  it.  They  retired  early 
in  order  to  take  advantage  of  the  beauty  hours  of 
sleep,  and  next  day  they  were  fresh  and  cheerful. 

Miss  Michael  handed  Miss  Wesley  the  morning 
paper,  and  she  read  it,  when  all  at  once  her  eyeballs 
shot  out  like  a  savage  tiger's,  and  after  a  few  ges- 
ticulations and  frenzied  movements,  she  fell  off  in  a 
swoon. 

Miss  Michael  seeing  her,  thought  she  had  an 
epileptic  fit,  rushed  to  her  assistance,  and  raising 
her  up  gently,  asked  what  was  the  matter.  No 
answer ;  she  asked  again.  Miss  Wesley  now  looked 
up  in  her  face  and  clutched  violently  on  the  paper. 

"  Some  friend  of  her's  dead,"  exclaimed  Miss 
Michael,  "  and  I  must  see  who  it  is."  So  she  tried 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  147 

to  get  the  paper  from  her,  but  she  could  not.  She 
held  on  to  it  with  all  her  force,  clutching  it  like  a 
vise.  After  a  little,  she  relaxed  her  hold  on  it,  and 
it  fell  in  a  crumpled  mass  on  the  floor.  Miss 
Michael  took  it  up  and  looked  at  it,  and  the  first 
thing  that  met  her  gaze  was  an  article  in  double- 
leaded  type,  headed :  "  Marriage  in  high  life. 
Youth  and  old  age  join  hand  in  hand.  Dr.  Selkirk 
of  Christ  Church,  San  Francisco,  married  last  even- 
ing to  the  young,  beautiful  and  wealthy  heiress  of 
John  E.  Orchid,  Esq.,  at  her  father's  home  on  Atlan- 
tic Avenue,  Berkeley.  The  ceremony  was  per- 
formed by  the  Bishop  of  the  diocese;  the  presents 
were  costly  and  numerous.  The  bride,  a  belle  of 
twenty  summers,  wore  a  gray  traveling  dress  and 
carried  in  her  hand  a  prayer  book.  The  happy 
couple  after  a  wedding  breakfast  was  served,  left  on 
the  Southern  Pacific  for  the  South  and  the  kingdom 
of  the  Chrysanthemum.  The  bride  will  be  at  home 
after  November  first,  Tuesdays,  at  the  Parish  House, 
San  Francisco.  They  left  amid  showers  of  rice,  old 
shoes  and  good  wishes." 

"  Well,  wasn't  he  mean  ?  "  said  Miss  Michael,  "  to 
deceive  you  so  ?  " 

"  Well,  I  don't  care  if  he  is  married,  I  had  my 
answer  made  up;  it  was  to  refuse  him.  I  thought 
over  what  you  told  me  about  Miss  Cooper  and  just 
made  up  my  mind  I  wouldn't  give  my  precious 
young  heart  to  any  man  who  flirted,  so  I  was  going 


148  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

to  tell  you  this  morning  that  I  would  positively 
refuse  him.  I  meant  to  tell  you  at  the  breakfast 
table.  One  thing  I  will  tell  you,  that  he'll  look 
after  his  colored  man  and  the  dusting  of  his  church 
in  future.  I  am  through.  I'll  never  trust  another 
old  softsoap  again.  Miss  Michael,  can  you  see 
what  Miss  Orchid  could  see  in  him  and  his  side- 
board whiskers,  anyway  ?  " 

"  Oh,  what  a  lovely  parrot  your  neighbor,  Mrs. 
Martin,  has.  Hear  what  she  says,  '  Talk  to  the  lit- 
tle girl.'  Hello,  Polly,  hello.  Miss  Wesley  walked 
over  to  where  Polly  was  and  said,  "  Pretty  bird." 

Polly  said,  "  How  is  the  old  maid  ?  " 

"  Oh,  you  naughty  bird,  good-bye,"  and  Polly 
said  with  emphasis,  "  Good-bye,  good-bye,"  as  Miss 
Wesley  took  the  car  for  the  San  Francisco  ferry 
boat,  where  she  and  her  corkscrew  curls  were  lost 
for  a  while  in  the  scramble  of  that  busy  city. 

Miss  Michael  pretended  to  be  a  manhater  and  a 
believer  in  divided  skirts,  women's  rights  and  all 
modern  improvements,  but  at  last  fell  a  victim  to 
cupid's  darts  which  were  deliberately  aimed  and 
fired  at  her  by  James  Gorden,  the  millionaire  miner. 
She  is  now  a  convert  to  the  happy  home.  Lectures 
on  clubs  have  no  attractions  for  her.  She  sings  to 
her  husband,  "  Where  Thou  Art  Is  Home  to  Me, 
and  Home  Without  Thee  Cannot  Be." 

"  What  are  you  going  to  do  Sunday,  Abner,"  said 
William. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  149 

"  Going  to  church,  of  course." 

"  Well,  where  will  we  go  ?  Dr.  Selkirk  will 
preach  his  first  sermon  tomorrow  since  his  mar- 
riage and  wedding  trip.  Let  us  hear  what  he  has 
to  say,  and  also  see  how  he  stood  the  voyage  and 
journey." 

"  All  right,  I'll  be  ready." 

Sunday  came  and  both  started  for  San  Francisco. 
When  they  got  there  the  church  was  packed  to  the 
door  to  see  the  bride  as  well  as  to  hear  what  account 
the  groom  could  give  of  himself  and  his  travels. 
Abner  waited  until  all  got  seated,  then  he  and  sweet 
William  were  shown  into  the  minister's  seat  and  the 
beautiful,  blushing  bride  welcomed  them  with  an 
angelic  bow  and  the  quintessence  of  a  honeyed 
smile.  William,  seeing  that  was  the  only  place 
where  a  seat  was  possible,  walked  fast  so  as  to  get 
in  ahead  of  Abner  in  order  to  sit  with  his  wing  next 
the  bride,  but  Abner,  though  slow  in  his  movements, 
showed  his  good  judgment  by  piloting  himself  on 
the  right  side,  consequently,  he  was  first  into  the 
seat.  After  being  seated,  he  stooped  his  head  in 
prayer.  William  followed  his  example  in  bowing 
his  head  and  counted  up  to  twenty-five,  then  they 
were  ready  for  service. 

After  a  while,  could  be  heard  in  the  distance  the 
voices  of  the  choir  sounding  like  angels'  visits,  and 
they  soon  materialized  with  the  poor  old  doctor 
bringing  up  the  rear.  He  presented  a  sorry  spec- 


150  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

tacle.  It  was  old  age  trying  to  look  young.  With 
bowed  head,  stooped  shoulders  and  feeble  tread,  he 
continued  the  journey  to  his  place,  with  an  expres- 
sion on  his  face  and  his  dilapidated  carriage,  he 
reminded  us  of  one  who  had  almost  run  his  race. 
He  brought  back  to  Abner's  mind  most  vividly,  the 
appearance  of  the  celebrated  race  horse  Imp  after 
her  defeat  at  Saratoga  by  Blues.  His  eyeballs  stuck 
out  like  knots  on  a  pine  tree,  and  his  under  chin 
rested  on  his  surplice. 

William  and  Abner  looked  on  him  with  pity,  and 
remarked  that  the  Oriental  climate  was  too  warm 
for  him.  The  assistant  now  commenced  the  service, 
and  the  old  divine  answered  the  responses  with  the 
congregation  in  a  weak  and  tremulous  voice.  When 
the  assistant  commenced  to  read  the  lesson  for  the 
day,  the  old  man  sat  down  more  emphatic  than 
graceful.  When  it  came  to  his  turn,  he  looked  over 
the  congregation  with  that  expression  on  his  face, 
"  If  I  am  so  soon  to  be  done  for,  what  was  I  begun 
for."  He  would  not  shirk  his  duty,  and  when  the 
notices  for  the  following  week  were  handed  to  him, 
he  read  them  in  almost  an  inaudible  voice.  The  first 
notice  read  was,  "  Ladies'  Guild  will  meet  at  3  p.m., 
Tuesday,  at  Mrs.  West's."  "The  sisters  of  the 
Church  will  meet  the  ladies  of  the  congregation  at 
the  Sunday-school  to  see  what  steps  are  necessary 
to  take  to  aid  the  foreign  mission  board.  Now 
there  is  one  thing  I  wish  to  impress  on  you,  and  it 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  151 

is  this :  The  infant  orphans  of  the  Church  have  been 
neglected  in  the  past,  but  now  Mrs.  Selkirk  has 
started  a  little  mother's  society  to  care  for  the  dear 
little  ones,  and  all  unmarried  ladies  and  widows  are 
invited  to  join.  Now,  all  the  young  ladies  and 
others  who  wish  to  become  little  mothers  will  meet 
at  the  rectory  at  6  p.m.,  Thursday  afternoon,  when 
the  usual  offering  will  be  made.  Let  us  sing  hymn 
number  427." 

"  What's  the  matter  with  the  doctor  today  ?  He 
is  all  mixed  up,"  said  William. 

The  old  divine  now  mounted  the  pulpit  and  read 
his  text  from  Proverbs,  Chapter  III,  Verses  xv., 
xviii  and  xxvii.  His  movements  were  eloquent,  but 
his  voice  could  not  be  heard  beyond  the  first  row  of 
seats.  His  young  wife,  seeing  his  predicament, 
hung  her  head.  He  closed  with  an  eloquent  appeal 
to  the  congregation  to  love  one  another  as  Christ 
hath  loved  his  Church,  and  then  turning,  as  usual, 
he  closed,  and  walking  from  the  pulpit  almost  unno- 
ticed into  the  vestry  where  he  breathed  his  last. 
Doctors  were  hastily  summoned,  but  his  soul  had 
winged  its  flight  to  the  God  that  gave  it,  and  his 
body  lay  limp  and  dead  upon  the  floor. 

The  congregation  were  notified  that  their  beloved 
pastor  had  died  in  the  harness  of  his  Lord  and  Mas- 
ter, and  the  tears  that  flowed  down  the  faces  of  the 
congregation  told  more  loudly  than  words  can  speak 
how  much  they  loved  him. 


152  TOO    MUCH   BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

The  days  of  mourning  being  over,  all  that  was 
left  of  him  was  consigned  to  the  tender  keeping  of 
mother  earth  in  Oakland  cemetery.  All  sympa- 
thized with  the  kind,  affectionate  and  beautiful 
young  widow  as  she  followed  in  tears,  all  that 
remained  of  her  beloved  husband  to  its  last  resting 
place.  The  sun  shone  brightly  and  tenderly  upon 
the  coffin  as  they  lowered  it  down  into  the  grave, 
and  as  the  minister  repeated  the  words,  "  Ashes  to 
ashes,  dust  to  dust,"  the  grave  diggers  poured  on  the 
clay  and  soon  mother  earth  had  him  in  her  embrace. 
The  place  that  heretofore  knew  him  would  know 
him  no  more.  Few  there  were  at  the  grave  who  did 
not  shed  tears,  as  the  young  widow  stood  gazing 
down  into  the  grave.  As  each  shovel  of  clay  was 
put  upon  the  coffin,  she  wet  it  with  her  tears,  and 
genuine  and  heartfelt  were  they,  and  many  indeed 
were  her  sympathizers  when  she  turned  her  back 
on  the  little  mound  that  showed  the  place  where  her 
partner  of  six  months  was  laid.  She  walked  with 
a  slow  step  towards  her  carriage,  resting  on  the  arm 
of  her  father.  Now  in  the  carriage,  they  were  soon 
back  in  the  paternal  home  where  she  was  truly  wel- 
comed by  her  fond  mother.  In  the  quietness  of 
her  chamber,  she  mourned  her  loss.  She  hid  her 
sorrows  like  all  who  feel  true  grief.  She  preferred 
the  lonely  chamber  to  public  sympathy,  while  her 
noble  soul  was  not  blind  to  public  feeling. 

Miss  Wesley  severed  her  connections  with  the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  153 

church  and  became  a  full-fledged  Methodist ;  never- 
theless, she  was  a  true  Christian  and  a  good  worker 
in  the  cause.  She  presided  over  the  Ladies'  Foreign 
Mission  Club,  and  taught  the  junior  class  in  Sun- 
day-school. Her  kind  and  unselfish  disposition  soon 
gathered  around  her  a  number  of  true  friends, 
among  them,  the  pastor,  the  Rev.  J.  M.  Berg.  He 
was  a  widower  of  sixty-two  winters.  He  took  great 
delight  and  pleasure  in  escorting  Miss  Wesley  home. 
He  pointed  out  to  her  the  beauties  of  the  field,  flow- 
ers and  plants,  and  after  a  few  months,  popped  the 
question,  not  in  the  same  manner  as  Dr.  Selkirk,  but 
in  the  common,  ordinary,  every-day  words  of  "  Will 
you  be  mine  for  better  or  worse  ?  "  And  she,  with 
true  bashfulness,  exclaimed,  "  Oh,  so  sudden ; 
please  let  me  dream  over  it  tonight,  and  I  will  give 
you  an  answer  in  the  morning." 

He  bid  her  good-bye  and  said  he  hoped  her  guar- 
dian angel  would  suggest  to  her  to  accept.  She  did 
not  wait  to  consult  angel  or  archangel,  for  "  yes  " 
had  reverberated  from  toes  to  brain  chamber  and 
back  again.  "  I  think  I  was  foolish,"  she  said,  "  I 
should  have  said  '  yes  '  at  once.  His  love  may  catch 
cold  in  the  night  air  and  die  before  morning  from 
pneumonia.  How  would  it  be  to  write  him  a  note  ? 
I'll  do  it  at  once,"  and  she  penned  the  following: 

"  Rev.  J.  M.  Berg, 

"  MY  DEAR  PRECIOUS  :     Feeling  you  would  not 


154  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

rest  well  on  account  of  me  putting  you  off  until 
tomorrow,  my  heart  is  with  you,  and  what  is  left 
with  me  suggests  that  I  send  to  you  these  words 
which  give  my  soul  delight,  and  I  hope  your  dear 
soul,  joy.  My  answer  is  YES.  With  undying  and 
undivided  love,  I  am  now  and  forever  will  be, 

"  Yours  for  better, 

WESLEY." 


The  fifteenth  of  June  was  the  day  set  apart  for  the 
wedding.  Miss  Wesley  called  in  her  dressmaker 
and  asked  her  if  she  could  make  her  look  handsome 
as  well  as  young.  The  dressmaker  looked  at  the 
skeleton  before  her  and  said,  "  With  the  aid  of  some 
wire  and  cotton  batten  and  some  nice  cloth,  I  can 
build  your  body  up.  Your  face,  you  will  have  to 
submit  to  the  artist,  as  I  haven't  had  any  experience 
in  that  part  of  the  anatomy."  They  worked  for 
days  on  the  dresses,  letting  out  here  and  taking  in 
there,  letting  down  at  the  waist,  cutting  off  at  the 
bottom.  At  last  perfection  was  reached  and  the 
model  stood  erect  on  the  floor  —  a  pretty  fair  sample 
of  womanhood. 

"  I  wish  now  the  wedding  day  was  nearer  ;  I  can 
scarcely  wait  until  then  to  show  my  dress." 

The  door  bell  now  rang  and  the  doctor  came  in 
answer  to  her  summons  sent  out  the  night  before. 

"  Doctor,  what  will  I  do  to  take  those  wrinkles 
out  of  my  face  and  put  blooming  youth  instead  ?  " 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  155 

"  Hold  your  head  over  a  pot  of  boiling  water  for 
twenty- four  hours  —  twenty- four  hours  before  the 
ceremony." 

"  I'll  do  it,  doctor,"  and  in  an  hour  she  was  sitting 
with  covered  head  over  the  water.  Patience  was 
put  to  the  test  during  these  weary  hours,  but  she 
was  looking  to  a  bright  future  and  they  only  seemed 
as  moments.  When  the  time  was  up,  she  uncovered 
her  face  and  she  could  scarcely  recognize  her  former 
self.  She  now  retired  to  bed  for  a  little  rest  and 
soon  was  fast  asleep,  dreaming  of  the  transition 
from  oldmaidism  to  wedded  life. 

Next  morning  she  got  up  as  spry  as  a  kitten  and 
commenced  to  put  her  things  in  order.  Exposure 
to  the  cold  air  brought  neuralgia  to  her  face  and 
soon  it  was  as  smooth  as  sweet  sixteen.  She  cared 
not  for  the  agony ;  looks,  not  ease  she  was  after. 
The  wedding  morning  came  and  she  jumped  out  of 
bed,  to  find  it  was  the  moon  was  making  the  light 
and  not  the  sun.  She  retired  again,  only  to  jump 
out  at  four  o'clock.  Time  never  flew  past  her  as 
slowly  as  now.  She  would  willingly  have  hurried 
old  Father  Time  along  if -she  could.  While  she  was 
in  dreamland,  the  hour  came  for  breakfast.  The 
bell  rang  and  she  skipped,  like  a  three-months'-old 
lamb,  to  the  dining  room.  Seated  at  the  table,  she 
asked  for  a  cup  of  coffee.  In  her  excitement,  she 
used  salt  for  sugar,  then  put  the  butter  into  the 


156  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

coffee  and  poured  all  out  on  the  bread  on  the  table. 

"  You're  excited,  my  dear." 

"  I  know  I  am,"  she  said,  with  a  radiant  smile 
upon  her  face,  for  now  coming  events  were  casting 
their  shadows  before. 

Her  dressmaker  and  maid  now  awaited  her  and 
soon  commenced  to  construct  her.  She  was  ready. 
The  dressmaker,  as  a  preliminary  to  collecting  her 
bill,  puckered  her  mouth  and  said,  "  Anybody  would 
fall  in  love  with  you  now,  Miss  Wesley.  It  doesn't 
cost  much  to  make  one  of  respectable  lineage  look 
well.  A  lady  born  will  always  look  nice." 

"  How  much  is  your  bill,  Miss  Burns  ?  " 

"  Only  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars.  I'll  give  you 
a  detailed  statement,  if  you  wish.  I  wouldn't  ask  it 
from  you  now,  only  I  am  superstitious  about  a  per- 
son getting  married  in  clothes  that  are  not  paid  for. 
I  wish  you  a  bright  and  happy  future,  and  that  is 
my  reason  for  urging  you  to  pay  the  bill  now." 

The  bill  was  paid,  being  about  five  times  what  it 
ought  to  be,  but  the  dressmaker  understood  Miss 
Wesley's  weakness  and  played  upon  her. 

The  hour  for  going  to  the  church  was  now  at 
hand,  as  also  the  carriages  to  convey  the  bride, 
bridesmaid  and  guests  to  the  church,  where  the 
groom  and  his  best  man  awaited  them.  The  Rev. 
William  Best,  uncle  to  the  groom,  performed  the 
ceremony.  As  the  giddy  and  happy  pair  left  the 
church  amidst  the  good  wishes  of  the  congregation 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  157 

and  friends,  they  slipped  on  the  sidewalk.  His  teeth 
rattled  over  the  stones,  while  her  hair  flew  in  the 
wind.  What  was  left  of  them  got  into  the  carriage 
and  were  driven  to  the  Southern  Pacific,  where  they 
took  the  train  for  the  East.  The  teeth  and  hair 
were  sent  by  mail,  care  of  the  Waldorf  Astoria,  New 
York  City.  On  their  way  to  the  metropolis  they 
visited  several  places  of  interest,  but  the  one  that 
impressed  Mrs.  Berg  most,  was  the  mighty  Falls  of 
Niagara. 

After  five  days  they  reached  the  capital  of  the 
Empire  State,  where  they  put  up  at  the  Tenyick. 
Next  morning  they  visited  the  Capitol,  listened  to 
the  senators  and  assemblymen  as  they  wrangled  over 
appropriation  bills;  took  the  day  boat  for  New 
York,  where  they  enjoyed  the  scenery  of  the  Rhine 
of  America.  Arriving  at  the  Waldorf  Astoria,  like 
all  good  people,  they  met  what  had  gone  before. 
Each  claimed  their  own  and  now  that  they  were  man 
and  woman  again,  they  felt  more  at  ease.  While 
in  New  York  they  visited  several  places  of  interest, 
among  them,  the  art  gallery  and  the  aquarium. 
Next  day  they  took  the  Pennsylvania  railroad  for 
the  nation's  capital.  They  called  on  the  hero  of 
San  Juan  Hill,  saw  Mark  Hanna,  and  the  colored 
son  of  Africa  who  risked  his  life  in  his  effort  to  save 
the  late  lamented  President  from  the  dastardly  hand 
of  the  assassin.  Corcoran  Art  Gallery  and  all  the 
Government  buildings  were  taken  in  their  turn. 


158  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

They  wound  up  in  the  Smithsonian  Institute,  and 
from  there,  took  the  Pennsylvania  &  Canadian 
Pacific,  for  home,  where  a  reception  Was  tendered 
them  by  the  congregation.  Now  they  were  at  home, 
they  commenced  once  more  their  church  work. 

Abner  and  his  friend  chanced  in  to  an  experience 
meeting  and  were  much  amused  as  well  as  benefited, 
by  what  they  saw  and  heard.  Each  member  in  turn 
was  asked  to  repeat  their  favorite  verse  in  the  Bible. 
When  it  came  to  Mrs.  Berg,  she  said,  with  bowed 
head,  "  O  Lord,  suffer  little  children  to  come  unto 
me." 

Abner  remained  in  Los  Angeles  for  two  years, 
spending  his  summer  months  in  the  mountains  and 
Saratoga.  One  day  as  he  sat  upon  a  cliff,  writing 
a  description  of  the  landscape  before  him,  two  young 
ladies  came  near  with  a  camera  and  took  a  snapshot 
of  him  and  the  rock  he  was  sitting  on.  Abner,  as 
usual,  was  too  bashful  and  too  full  of  French  eti- 
quette to  move  or  speak,  but  the  gray  matter  under 
his  hair  was  kept  busy  trying  to  guess  who  they 
were  and  what  was  their  object.  For  months  he 
pondered  over  the  incident,  but  could  arrive  at  no 
definite  conclusion.  A  little  later  in  the  season  he 
was  introduced  by  the  proprietor  of  the  hotel  to  two 
young  ladies  whom  he  recognized  as  the  camera 
fiends.  One  was  the  young  widow  of  the  late  Dr. 
Selkirk,  and  the  other  was  Miss  Britta  Web,  elocu- 
tionist, from  Toronto,  Canada.  Mrs.  Selkirk  recog- 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  159 

nized  Abner  at  once  as  the  gentleman  who  sat  in  the 
pew  with  her  on  the  fateful  day  when  her  husband 
breathed  his  last. 

They  in  a  short  time  became  fast  friends  and  wan- 
dered along  through  glen  and  dale,  over  crag  and 
canyon,  drinking  of  the  pure  waters  of  Mount 
Shasta  and  breathing  the  invigorating  air  of  the 
hillside. 

Abner  was  very  anxious  to  find  out  if  she  had  a 
brother,  for  his  dread  of  too  much  brother-in-law 
was  well  founded.  He  hadn't  the  courage  to  ask 
her  if  she  had  one,  but  kept  beating  about  the  bush. 

One  day  he  would  ask  her,  "  Will  your  brother 
come  for  you?  "  and  she  would  answer  "  No." 

Next  day  during  their  conversation,  he  would 
sandwich  the  query,  "  Did  your  brother  come  for 
you  last  week  ?  " 

"  No." 

Next  day  he  would  beat  about  the  bush  again,  and 
ask,  "  Did  your  brother  come  here  with  you  ?  " 

"  No,  father  did." 

Abner  was  in  mortal  agony  for  fear  that  she  had  a 
brother,  for  he  felt  he  was  desperately  in  love  with 
her,  but  would  not  think  of  allowing  it  to  go  too  far 
before  he  found  out  whether  she  had  a  brother  or 
not,  and  if  she  had,  it  would  be  all  over  between 
them.  They  were  now  always  together  and  wan- 
dered over  hill  and  dale  talking  sense  and  nonsense. 

One  June  morning  as  they  walked  up  the  moun- 


160  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

tain  side  a  lady  and  gentleman  on  horseback  rode 
past.  Mrs.  Selkirk  recognized  the  lady  and  said : 

"  How  do  you  do,  Miss  Helen  ?  " 

The  gentleman,  recognizing  the  voice,  turned  in 
his  saddle  and  said,  "  Good  morning." 

"  Good  morning,  Brother  Wilson,"  responded 
Mrs.  Selkirk. 

This  sounded  like  a  thunderbolt  to  Abner  and  his 
heart  fell  "  with  a  dull,  sickening  thud,"  and  lay  on 
his  shoestrings  for  almost  a  year. 

They  spent  that  day  upon  the  mountains,  shooting 
squirrel  and  cotton-tail.  In  the  evening  they 
returned  to  the  hotel.  After  dinner  they  went  out 
for  a  walk,  but  did  not  mention  the  brother  question 
again.  The  following  morning  she  got  ready  and 
took  the  train  back  to  Berkeley.  Abner  stayed 
there  until  October,  when  he  went  to  Los  Angeles, 
looking  forward  to  the  June  morning  when  he  would 
come  back  to  Mount  Shasta  and  meet  the  lady  of  his 
choice.  She  was  indeed,  beautiful  to  look  on,  as 
well  as  affable  and  genial  in  manner,  kind-hearted — 
a  true  soul. 

Abner  was  a  widower  over  four  years,  Delilah 
having  died  of  enlargement  of  the  heart  in  Oakland, 
California,  almost  five  years  before.  Mrs.  Selkirk 
was  three  years  a  widow  and  in  her  twenty-fourth 
year.  Her  mother  died  in  the  fall  and  her  father 
the  following  spring,  consequently  she  was  alone. 

Abner's  visits  now  grew  more  frequent,  and  it  was 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  161 

rumored  they  were  to  be  married  the  following 
June,  but  one  June  wedding  was  enough  for  Abner. 
It  was  in  the  beautiful  month  of  roses  that  his  first 
entangling  alliance  was  executed,  and  at  that  time 
he  got  such  a  severe  poultice  of  brother-in-law's 
affection  that  "  no  June  for  him."  Mrs.  Selkirk's 
aunt  died  suddenly  and  it  was  put  off  till  the  fall. 

After  spending  the  summer  in  the  mountains, 
Abner  could  not  go  back  to  Los  Angeles  without 
calling  on  his  friends,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  M.  T.  House, 
Mr.  William  D.  McArthur,  Mrs.  McArthur,  Mar- 
guerite, and  the  baby,  for  he  remembered  their  kind- 
ness to  him  when  he  was  ill  and  alone,  and  gratitude 
was  one  of  Abner's  principal  traits.  When  there 
he  also  visited  the  game  haunts  on  the  Contra  Costa 
mountains. 

It  was  on  one  of  those  visits  that  he  got  into 
trouble  with  the  fish  and  game  commissioner.  He 
was  charged  with  shooting  quail  out  of  season. 
Abner  did  not  intend  to  violate  the  law.  His  viola- 
tion was  a  mere  accident. 

This  day  the  sun  was  shining  with  all  its  strength 
on  the  grassy  mountain  sides,  and  as  Abner  walked 
along  the  slope  of  the  "  summit "  he  saw  a  rabbit 
dash  out  of  a  small  brush  in  front  of  him.  He 
sent  a  number  of  six  cartridge  after  him.  When 
the  smoke  cleared  away  he  found  two  quail  a  tew 
feet  from  the  dead  cotton-tail,  and  as  he  reached 
down  to  lift  them  up,  one  was  not  yet  dead  and  it 


162  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

fluttered  along  in  the  grass.  Now  he  was  grieved 
at  the  sight  of  the  wounded  little  bird,  suffering  pain 
with  broken  wing  and  blood  oozing  from  its  body. 
He  raised  his  gun  and  pulled  the  trigger  again  in 
order  to  end  its  misery,  when  he  heard  a  coarse 
voice  which  sounded  like  a  fog  horn  in  distress,  call 
out: 

"  Hold  on  there,  d — n  you,  I'll  make  you  hump 
for  that." 

Abner  left  the  game  where  it  lay  and  walked 
across  the  canyon  on  a  plank.  It  was  after  a  severe 
rain  storm  and  the  waters  rushed  down  from  the 
hills  in  torrents,  jumping  in  huge  heaps  from  rock 
to  cliff,  then  dashing  high  in  the  air,  tearing  small 
trees  up  by  the  roots,  bounding  down  the  canyon, 
leaping  over  chasms,  rolling  stones  and  clay  along 
with  it  in  its  mad  fury  as  it  fought  its  way  to  the 
ocean.  Its  vagaries  brought  vividly  to  Abner's 
mind,  his  drives  over  the  Shaker  road  in  the  days 
of  his  prosperity.  When  on  one  of  these  drives  he 
saw  a  band  of  school  boys  who  were  stealing  apples 
from  a  farmer  at  Loudonville,  run,  jump  and  roll 
over  fence  and  hedge,  just  like  the  mighty  waters 
tumbling  down  from  the  mountains.  The  boys  kept 
that  up,  followed  by  the  farmer  and  his  dog  until 
they  were  lost  in  the  woods  and  out  of  sight. 

Abner  was  very  near  rolling  down  with  the  rocks 
and  broken  trees,  for  as  he  gave  the  last  step  on  the 
plank,  it  gave  way  in  the  center,  but  when  his 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  163 

weight  left  it,  it  righted  itself  again  and  was  appar- 
ently in  good  order  to  carry  the  game  farther  over. 
Abner  would  not  run,  but  walked  leisurely  looking 
for  more  game  along  the  brush-covered  hills. 

After  a  few  minutes  he  looked  back  to  see  how 
near  the  enemy  was,  when  he  saw  him  within  a  few 
feet  of  the  broken  plank.  Thinking  he  had  as  much 
intelligence  and  cunning  as  an  elephant,  therefore 
would  test  the  plank  before  stepping  on  it,  he  did 
not  think  it  necessary  to  call  to  him.  In  a  few  min- 
utes he  again  looked  back  and  the  game  warden  had 
disappeared  and  Abner  thought  he  had  gone  to  his 
doom.  He  listened  and  after  a  short  while,  his 
hoarse  and  half-smothered  voice  could  be  heard 
ringing  along  the  hillside  and  calling  for  help. 
Echo  was  the  only  answer  that  came  from  hill  or 
dale.  No  one  was  near  but  Abner.  A  pair  of 
mountain  eagles  soared  above  him  and  looked  down 
as  much  as  to  say,  "  Your  slip  is  our  hit." 

Abner  reluctantly  walked  over  to  where  the  voice 
came  from  and  called  out : 

"  Where  are  you  ?  "  and  added  in  mocking  tones, 
"  D — n  you,  I'll  make  you  hump  for  that." 

"  Stop  your  nonsense;  just  get  a  long  pole  and 
hand  it  to  me  and  then  you  can  pull  me  out  of  here." 

"  I  do  not  see  any  poles  around." 

"  Here  is  a  little  saw,  and  cut  down  one  of  the 
young  trees." 

"  No,"  said  Abner,  "  I  will  not  do  that ;  read  that 


164  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

sign :  '  No  tree  cutting  on  this  land.'  Pay  me  fifty 
cents  and  I'll  cut  it  down  for  you,  and  you'll  agree 
to  pay  all  damages  I  may  sustain  in  helping  you  out 
of  your  dilemma." 

"  I'll  pay  you  when  I  get  out." 

"  No,  I  must  get  my  pay  now,  for  any  man  who  is 
mean  and  low  enough  to  take  the  job  you  have 
would  swindle  their  benefactor." 

"  For  God's  sake,  get  serious,  man,  and  stop 
laughing  at  a  poor  fellow  hanging  on  an  oak  tree 
for  dear  life,  all  wet  and  mountains  of  water  rush- 
ing under  him  with  such  force  that  should  he  slip, 
destruction  and  death  positively  await  him." 

His  argument  so  far  had  fallen  like  rain  on  a 
duck's  back,  so  he  tried  the  sympathetic  dodge,  and 
while  assuming  a  pained  expression,  said : 

"  My  shoulder  is  broken,  I  think ;  I  cannot  put 
my  hand  in  my  pocket  to  get  the  cash,  my  clothes 
are  all  so  wet.  I  will  soon  have  to  let  go  if  you  do 
not  help  me.  Please  help  me.  I  fell  into  that  tor- 
rent off  that  broken  plank  and  would  have  been 
drowned  at  once,  only  I  caught  hold  of  this  tree  in 
time  to  save  myself.  How  long,  dear  man,  do  you 
think  I  can  hold  out  in  this  position  ?  I  am  almost 
stiff  with  the  cold,  and  I  ask  you  to  cut  a  tree  with 
this  saw  and  pull  me  out." 

"  First  swear,"  said  Abner,  "  in  sight  of  high 
heaven  that  you  will  not  prosecute  me  for  acci- 
dentally shooting  the  quail  out  of  season." 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  165 

"  I  will  not  swear ;  I  have  already  sworn  to  do 
my  duty  and  I'll  do  it." 

"  Well,  I  think,"  said  Abner,  with  a  sarcastic 
smile,  "  you  are  right.  Do  your  duty  always  and 
I'll  follow  your  example  and  do  mine,  and  leave  you 
alone  to  attend  to  your  own  business  and  I  will  go 
and  attend  to  mine.  I'll  get  some  cotton-tail  for 
dinner  before  the  sun  gets  too  strong." 

"  Oh,  for  heaven's  sake,  do  not  leave  me  here  to 
perish." 

"  Well,"  said  Abner,  "  you  seem  to  be  somewhat 
anxious  to  get  out  of  your  predicament;  will  you 
agree  to  give  me  a  hundred  dollars  for  my  services 
if  I  pull  you  out?  " 

"  I  will." 

"  Then,  out  you  come,"  and  he  set  to  work  and 
cut  down  the  sapling  and  handed  the  end  of  it  to  the 
hanger  on,  and  he  grabbed  it  with  both  hands  and 
came  very  near  pulling  Abner  with  him  into  the  ter- 
rible torrent.  Abner  tugged  and  pulled. 

At  last  he  dragged  this  inferior  specimen  of  man- 
hood up  the  bank,  and  looking  at  him  in  his  delapi- 
dated  condition,  said : 

"  It  wasn't  worth  the  trouble,"  and  like  the  boy 
who  pulled  out  the  good-for-nothing  fish,  he  felt 
like  kicking  it  into  the  water  again. 

This  thine  which  now  looked  like  Darwin's  miss- 
ing link,  raised  himself  up  on  his  hind  legs,  and 
grabbing  Abner  by  the  collar,  said : 


166  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  Come  with  me ;  your're  my  prisoner." 

Abner,  with  a  disgusted  look,  said : 

"  You  look  like  that.  I  will  not  go  with  you,  and 
if  you  touch  me  with  those  wet  clothes  I'll  sue  you 
for  damages." 

"  Well,  you  must  come,  and  if  you  resist,  I'll 
shoot  you  on  the  spot." 

"  With  what  ?  "  said  Abner,  and  he  drew  from  his 
pocket  a  Smith  &  Wesson  revolver. 

Abner  knew  the  cartridge  was  soaked,  conse- 
quently rendered  harmless,  so  he  said : 

"  I  defy  you,  and  I  will  not  go." 

He  again  caught  Abner  by  the  collar  and  pulled 
him. 

Abner  sat  down,  so  the  game  warden  could  not 
lift  him  up  or  make  him  move. 

Abner  said :  "  I'll  sit  here  until  next  Sunday,  if 
necessary.  I  will  not  go  with  you.  I  will  give  you 
my  name  and  address,  and  I  will  pledge  you  my 
honor  that  I  will  be  in  court  any  time  you  name  and 
stand  trial  for  the  offence." 

Abner  handed  him  his  card,  and  the  dripping, 
drooping  guardian  of  the  inhabitants  of  the  moun- 
tains walked  off,  a  sight  for  the  gods  to  behold.  His 
legs  were  eighteen  inches  apart  as  he  trudged  over 
the  valley  to  the  road,  at  least  six  miles  from  his 
home. 

Abner  stayed  on  the  mountain  until  he  got  a  few 
cotton-tails,  then  went  home  and  he  heard  no  more 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  167 

of  it  for  a  week,  when  one  day  as  he  was  riding 
along  with  Mrs.  Selkirk  in  her  carriage,  he  espied 
the  gamekeeper  and  his  assistant  coming  toward 
him. 

Words  cannot  describe  his  feelings.  "  He  was 
indeed  scared  for  fear  they  would  then  know  him 
and  arrest  him.  No  sooner  had  they  come  up  to 
the  carriage  than  the  old  officer  recognized  Abner's 
face.  Without  ceremony,  one  of  them  caught  the 
horse,  while  the  other  reached  for  Abner's  collar, 
and  in  a  brutal  voice,  said : 

"  Come  with  me,  you  outlaw.  You  are  now  my 
prisoner." 

Abner  tried  to  explain  to  Mrs.  Selkirk,  but  they 
ruthlessly  pulled  him  away,  saying : 

"  Well,  we'll  show  you,  you  lawbreaker,  you  out- 
law of  the  mountains." 

Abner  was  mad  clear  through,  and  vowed  he 
would  never  again  aid  or  help  anyone. 

Mrs.  Selkirk  was  dumbfounded  and  could  not 
think  out  what  was  the  cause  of  all  this.  She  went 
home,  covered  with  shame,  to  ponder  over  it. 

The  trial  would  not  come  off  until  the  following 
day,  so  Abner's  lawyer,  Judge  Sullivan,  made  appli- 
cation to  get  him  out  on  bail,  but  couldn't  find  a 
judge  until  next  morning,  so  they  decided  to  leave 
him  with  the  captain  until  the  trial.  Mrs.  Selkirk 
called  at  six  p.m.  to  see  him  and  to  get  some  light 
on  the  subject.  She  found  him  happy  and  con- 


168  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

tented,  eating  his  dinner  with  the  captain,  and  it 
was  a  first-class  meal.  The  captain's  kindness  to 
him  was  due  to  the  fact  that  Abner  belonged  to  the 
same  old  secret  society  as  his  guardian.  That  is 
why  he  was  allowed  his  liberty  and  made  a  guest  of 
the  captain's  during  his  incarceration.  He  slept  in 
a  bed  in  the  captain's  room  and  was  just  as  comfort- 
able as  if  he  had  his  liberty. 

As  Mrs.  Selkirk  entered,  both  stood  up  and  Abner 
introduced  her  to  his  friend  as  Mrs.  Selkirk,  of  San 
Francisco. 

Abner  said  to  her,  "  I  am  surprised,  as  well  as 
delighted,  to  see  you.  I  did  not  expect  you  would 
come  to  me  in  this  place,  and  under  the  circum- 
stances." 

She  answered,  "  I  think  when  a  person  is  in 
trouble  that  is  the  time  you  want  a  friend,  and  now 
is  the  time  a  true  friend  will  bare  her  bosom  to  the 
storm  of  ridicule  and  insult  and  stand  by  you.  I 
hope  you  do  not  take  me  for  the  friend  who  lives  in 
the  sunshine  and  dies  in  the  storm;  besides,  I  have 
too  much  faith  in  you  to  believe  you  guilty  of  any 
crime,  and  anyway,  I  possess  too  much  the  spirit 
of  fairness  to  condemn  anyone  before  I  hear  both 
sides." 

"  Well,"  said  Abner,  "  both  sides  will  be  heard 
tomorrow  at  nine  a.m.  I  have  the  old  war  horse 
and  celebrated  jurist,  Judge  Sullivan,  of  San  Fran- 
cisco, to  defend  me.  He  thinks  we  will  make  it 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  169 

kind  of  warm  for  the  gamekeeper  before  we  get 
through  with  him.  He  will  get  the  worst  licking 
any  man  ever  got,  and,"  said  Abner,  "  I  have  always 
been  a  pretty  good  hand  to  pilot  a  legal  battle,  and 
before  I  get  through  with  him  he  will  know  there 
is  a  God  in  Israel." 

"  Well,  it  is  a  game  case,  anyway,"  she  said,  "  and 
people  do  not  look  on  it  as  they  do  at  other  crimes. 
You  haven't  told  me  how  it  happened." 

"  How  could  I  ?  I  hadn't  the  chance.  To  make 
a  long  story  short,  I  fired  at  a  cotton-tail  and  shot 
two  quail  as  well  as  the  cotton-tail.  They  were  hid 
in  the  grass  in  line  with  the  rabbit,  and  he  saw  me, 
but  I  risked  my  life  to  save  him,  the  worthless 
wretch,  and  this  is  my  reward." 

"  Ungrateful  wretch,"  chimed  in  the  captain,  add- 
ing, "  Well,  Mr.  L'Estrange  and  I  have  had  a  pleas- 
ant visit ;  that's  all  it  is  and  that's  all  it  will  amount 
to." 

"  How  fortunate,"  she  said,  "  for  him  to  have  you. 
He  would  die  in  a  cell,  if  kept  there  for  two  days, 
it  is  so^damp  and  cold." 

Abner  said  to  her,  "  are  there  many  who  know 
about  it  ?  " 

"  It  is  all  over  town,"  she  replied,  "  and  they  have 
put  it  in  its  worst  light,  saying  that  Mrs.  Selkirk 
was  taking  a  ride  with  a  criminal  in  her  carriage 
the  other  day,  when  the  officer  recognized  him  as  an 
old  offender  and  pulled  him  from  her  side.  She  is 


170  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

an  unfortunate  woman  in  her  selection  of  husbands 
and  admirers." 

"  Well,"  said  Abner,  "  keep  still ;  do  not  reply 
until  after  the  trial,  then  I  will  have  published  the 
whole  truth,  and  the  world  will  then  see  it  just  as 
it  is." 

"  Now,  I  do  not  mind  it  and  hope  it  will  all  be 
settled  tomorrow.  I  do  not  consider  it  any  dis- 
grace," and  she  now  moved  toward  Abner  with  a 
smile,  to  bid  him  good-bye,  saying : 

"  Be  of  good  cheer.  I  will  be  here  in  the  morn- 
ing to  watch  the  trial.  My  dear  man,  don't  look 
cast  down,  especially  when  you  are  right,  and 
remember,  right  or  wrong,  I  am  with  you ;  my  place 
will  be  beside  you  against  all  the  world,  if  nec- 
essary." 

Abner  now  felt  better  than  he  did  at  any  time 
since  it  occurred,  and  he  slept  soundly  that  night. 
She  also  felt  better,  and  when  she  retired  that  night 
she  prayed  for  Abner's  vindication  and  release. 

The  morning  came,  and  the  captain  called  Abner 
to  breakfast,  saying:  ^ 

"  You  had  better  eat  your  breakfast  so  you  will  be 
ready  to  meet  your  lawyer  when  he  comes." 

Breakfast  over,  Judge  Sullivan  was  ushered  into 
the  room  and  at  once  engaged  in  an  animated  con- 
sultation with  the  captain  and  Abner.  The  officer 
looked  at  his  watch,  said,  "  Time  is  up,"  and  they 
walked  up  to  the  courthouse. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  171 

In  a  few  minutes  the  case  was  called,  and  after 
some  preliminaries  Judge  Sullivan  said  that  the  case 
could  either  be  decided  by  the  judge  or  a  jury,  and 
he  or  his  client  didn't  care  which.  The  opposition 
would  not  agree  to  the  judge  deciding  it,  so  the  jury 
were  called,  and  after  a  little  wrangling,  the  game- 
keeper and  his  lawyer  stated  their  side  of  the  case 
against  Abner,  and  told  the  facts  just  as  they  were, 
only,  he  said  Abner  shot  the  quail  intentionally. 

Judge  Sullivan  asked  him  if  he  thought  Abner 
could  shoot  a  jackrabbit  without  aiming  at  him. 

"  Yes,  he  might  by  accident." 

"  Well,  then,  why  couldn't  he  shoot  the  quail  by 
accident  as  well  as  the  jackrabbit?  We  deny,"  said 
Judge  Sullivan,  with  a  smile,  "  that  there  were  any 
live  quail  on  Contra  Costa  mountains  that  morning. 
We  defy  you  to  show.  This  is  all  a  piece  of  spite 
and  greed.  You  come  here  to  damn  your  immortal 
soul  and  stain  this  man's  character  for  a  few  paltry 
dollars.  Show  your  dead  quail.  I  say  again,  there 
were  no  quail — dead  or  alive — on  Contra  Costa 
mountains  that  morning." 

Abner  knew  that  when  the  game  warden  fell  into 
the  water  he  let  go  all  the  game,  consequently  they 
were  safe  in  defying  him  to  show  them.  A  Scotch- 
man on  the  jury  asked  the  warden  how  much  he'd 
get  out  of  the  fine. 

"  That  is  not  the  question,"  said  the  warden,  "  it 
is  a  matter  of  doing  my  duty." 


172  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  Answer  my  question,"  said  the  juror. 

The  judge  here  stopped  that  line  of  inquiry. 

Judge  Sullivan  said  in  closing  his  case : 

"  This  is  the  frozen  serpent  coming  to  life  in  the 
warm  breast  of  a  benefactor,  and  then  turning 
around  and  poisoning  her  blood  so  that  she  died  to 
show  its  gratitude.  This  ungrateful  creature  we 
saved  from  the  torrents  at  the  risk  of  our  life,  and 
his  first  act  is  to  turn  on  his  savior  and  for  twenty- 
five  pieces  of  silver,  try  to  sell  him  into  bondage." 

The  judge  now  charged  the  jury  and  said  there 
was  no  proof  before  them  that  the  quail  was  alive 
before  Abner  fired  the  shot,  or  that  they  were  dead 
after  it.  In  fact,"  he  said,  "  we  have  no  proof  that 
there  were  any  quail  around.  During  my  experi- 
ence on  the  bench  it  has  always  been  the  practice 
to  bring  the  game  into  court  and  prove  by  them  his 
guilt.  I  cannot  understand,  if  the  officer  is  telling 
the  truth,  why  the  game  are  not  in  court.  They 
should  have  been  here,"  he  said,  with  emphasis. 

The  jury  now  retired  to  their  room  for  delibera- 
tion. While  there,  Abner's  lawyer  was  busy  prepar- 
ing papers  to  serve  on  the  game  warden.  They 
were  now  ready  and  he  handed  them  up  to  the 
judge  for  his  signature.  This  done,  Judge  Sullivan 
handed  them  to  the  proper  officers  with  instructions 
to  serve  at  once. 

The  door  of  the  jury  room  now  flew  open,  and 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  173 

as  the  jury  walked  out  in  single  file  and  took  their 
places,  they  smiled  at  Abner  and  his  lawyer. 

The  clerk  called  out,  "  Gentlemen,  what  is  your 
verdict  ?  "  and  the  answer  came  back,  "  Not  guilty." 

Now  Abner's  friends  gathered  around  to  con- 
gratulate him  as  the  audience  and  officers  com- 
menced to  disperse.  One  officer  walked  up  to  the 
game  warden  and  served  on  him  a  complaint  in  an 
action  brought  by  Abner  against  him  for  services 
rendered  and  cost  of  action,  while  another  put  his 
hand  on  his  shoulder  and  said,  "  You  are  a  prisoner. 
You're  not  a  resident  in  this  county,  and  you  will 
have  to  remain  in  jail  until  you  pay  your  debts  or 
give  bond." 

The  gamekeeper  now  saw  the  tables  were  turned 
and  that  he  was  the  defendant  and  prisoner  instead 
of  complainant. 

Turning  to  Abner,  he  said,  "  This  is  all  rot." 

"  Well,"  said  Judge  Sullivan,  "  we  will  fight  it  out 
and  give  it  such  a  shaking  up  before  we  get  through 
with  it,  that  nothing  but  sound  matter  will  be  left." 

He,  seeing  that  they  meant  business,  and  also 
hearing  Mrs.  Selkirk  whisper  to  Abner,  "  Don't 
settle,  let  him  go  to  jail,"  made  up  his  mind  that 
he  had  struck  a  snag,  and  the  cheapest  way  was  to 
settle.  He  turned  to  Judge  Sullivan  and  asked  him 
how  much  was  the  full  amount. 

"  A  hundred  and  fifteen  dollars  and  fifty  cents, 
and  you  can  go,"  was  the  reply. 


174  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

He  paid  the  amount,  and  Judge  Sullivan  put  half 
of  it  in  his  pocket  and  the  other  he  gave  to  Abner. 

They  now  took  a  carriage  for  Mrs.  Selkirk's 
house  where  they  had  luncheon  and  some  grape 
juice  together. 

The  following  morning  Abner  was  again  leisurely 
walking  over  the  road  past  the  Dingy  homestead 
as  the  sun  was  peeking  out  from  behind  the  moun- 
tains. He  wended  his  way  along  the  road  leading 
to  the  Salmon's  residence,  passed  it  on  the  left,  and 
continued  up  the  road  to  the  summit.  The  sun  was 
now  shut  out  by  a  heavy  fog  which  covered  the  hills 
and  valleys  like  a  mammoth  veil,  consequently  he 
could  not  see  game  over  ten  feet  from  him.  Think- 
ing it  useless  to  continue  his  search  any  further,  he 
determined  to  sit  down  and  wait  until  the  fog  would 
move  from  the  mountain  side.  Acting  upon  this 
thought,  he  seated  himself  on  a  small  rock  behind  a 
tree,  expecting  a  wolf  or  mountain  fox  to  come 
along  in  search  of  a  morning  meal.  He  thought  to 
himself,  "  this  would  be  a  good  morning  for  reynard 
or  the  coyote  to  come  on  rabbits  and  quail.  I  will 
wait  and  see  if  I  cannot  get  at  some  while  they  are 
in  quest  of  food." 

When  there  about  an  hour  he  heard  the  old 
mournful  bark  of  the  coyote  in  the  distance,  but 
could  not  see  it  on  account  of  the  dense  darkness. 
Scarce  had  that  voice  died  away,  when  right  behind 
him.  like  an  echo,  came  an  answer  from  its  mate. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  175 

They  kept  up  this  discourse  for  over  an  hour,  Abner 
sitting  still,  expecting  every  moment  to  see  one  of 
them  come  in  view.  His  eyes  turned  in  every  direc- 
tion, peering  as  best  he  could  through  the  darkness. 
No  form  was  visible,  except  the  huge  mountains 
which  he  could  see  dimly  in  the  distance.  They 
were  silent  for  a  few  minutes,  then  they  commenced 
again  and  made  the  valleys  ring  with  their  hideous 
howling.  Abner  could  hear  his  own  heart  beat  as 
he  sat  still  expecting  every  moment  to  see  the  coyote 
pass  him  on  its  way  to  join  its  comrade.  It  was  a 
solemn  time,  and  each  second  seemed  an  hour  as  he 
watched  for  the  ravenous  enemies  of  all  the  small 
inhabitants  of  mountain  slope,  forest  brush,  crag 
and  canyon.  Again  they  ceased,  but  in  a  few  minutes 
commenced  again  their  whining.  It  now  sounded 
nearer  than  before.  When  one  strong,  mournful 
howl  came  from  the  distance,  echo  answered  up  the 
valley.  The  sounds  were  now  becoming  so  mixed 
that  Abner  could  not  locate  any  of  them  and  things 
were  beginning  to  grow  monotonous,  when  he  espied 
a  twelve-year-old  rattlesnake,  with  a  tongue  of  fire, 
crawl  out  from  between  the  rocks.  It  raised  its 
head  and  looked  around  to  "  view  the  landscape 
o'er."  When  its  gaze  met  Abner's  luminary,  it  drew 
back  again  under  the  ropks.  Abner  was  somewhat 
afraid  of  him,  and  while  he  looked  around  for 
coyote,  fox  or  prairie  wolf,  his  eyes  always  in  their 
circuit,  scanned  more  closely  the  place  where  the 


176  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

rattler  had  disappeared.  He  could  now  hear  plainly 
the  noise  of  something  coming  through  the  brush. 
He  laid  down  his  shotgun,  and  raising  his  Winches- 
ter rifle  to  his  shoulder,  waited  with  bated  breath 
the  onward  march  of  the  noisemaker.  While  look- 
ing and  listening,  he  thought  it  best  for  a  moment 
to  turn  and  see  if  the  rattlesnake  was  making  any 
move.  No  sooner  had  he  turned  his  eyes  in  the 
direction  of  the  rocks,  than  he  could  see  the  head 
of  the  rattler  protrude  from  under  the  stones  scarce 
ten  feet  away.  He  now  laid  down  the  rifle  again 
and  taking  up  the  old  reliable  repeating  shotgun, 
took  aim  at  the  old  boy,  whose  silken  teeth  and 
blood-red  tongue  were  plainly  visible.  These  teeth, 
though  finer  than  hair,  and  even  as  silk,  pierce  the 
skin  and  cause  sure  death  to  all  animal  life.  The 
sound  of  the  gun  now  rang  down  the  valley  and  as 
the  smoke  cleared  away,  Abner  exclaimed : 

"  Missed  him,  by  Jove !  " 

The  snake  now  approached  within  eight  feet,  when 
it  turned  with  its  tail  towards  Abner.  He  knew 
there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  and  in  an  instant  took 
his  aim  and  fired.  This  time  he  did  not  miss,  for  the 
shot  had  taken  the  rattler's  head  and  ten  inches  of 
his  body  down  the  mountain  side.  Abner  ran  to- 
wards it,  and  when  within  a»  few  feet  of  it  he  could 
see  the  deadly  poison  flowing  from  the  serpent's 
mouth  as  it  opened  and  closed  in  dying  agony. 
Soon  it  lay  still  upon  the  grass,  limp  and  dead.  As 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  177 

he  raised  himself  up,  a  coyote  passed  by,  and  he 
again  raised  the  shotgun  to  his  shoulder,  when  a 
voice  called  out: 

"  Don't  shoot  in  this  direction." 

He  could  not  in  the  darkness  tell  whether  he  was 
an  Indian,  black,  or  white  man,  but  he  could  plainly 
see  it  was  a  man.  The  coyote,  hearing  the  voice, 
changed  his  course  and  dashing  past  Abner,  ran 
down  the  hillside.  The  figure  threw  a  stick  at 
the  coyote  as  it  passed  him.  It  missed  him,  but  fell 
among  a  family  of  quail,  which  nestled  in  the  hill- 
side grass.  They,  hearing  Abner's  shot  and  seeing 
the  darkness,  lay  low.  One  of  them  was  wounded 
by  the  stick  and  fluttered  along  the  ground;  the 
rest  flew  into  the  canyon.  The  coyote,  on  his  way 
down  the  hill,  encountered  another  enemy,  who 
fired  at  him  and  he  retraced  his  steps,  passing  Abner 
again.  This  time  Abner  sent  a  charge  of  number 
one  shot  into  him  as  he  passed.  The  coyote  rolled 
over  two  or  three  times,  but  soon  got  on  foot  again 
and  with  jumps  and  bounds  scampered  into  the 
darkness.  Abner  followed  his  track  a  little  way, 
when  he  lost  sight  of  him.  Listening  for  a  few 
moments,  he  could  hear  the  wounded  wolf  moan  in 
agony  in  the  brush  at  the  bottom  of  the  canyon. 
Guided  by  the  voice,  he  made  his  way  over  rocks 
and  between  trees  and  shrubs  until  he  got  to  the 
place  where  the  coyote  lay  dying.  Satisfied  that 
he  had  done  his  work,  he  walked  back  to  the  figure. 


178  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

When  about  twenty  yards  away  a  voice  called  out : 

"  You  got  that  fellow  sure.  What  did  you  strike 
with  the  other  shots  ?  " 

"  That  reptile  behind  the  rock,"  said  Abner,  as  he 
pointed  to  the  snake  lying  on  the  grass. 

Dr.  Thaur,  who  was  on  the  mountain  also  that 
morning,  and  the  one  who  fired  the  shot  at  the 
coyote  first,  came  up  the  hillside  to  investigate  the 
rumpus.  Abner  recognized  him  and  asked  him  if 
he  fired  at  the  coyote.  In  his  usual  vein  of  good 
nature  he  replied  that  he  intended  to  fire  at  the 
coyote,  but  shot  the  fog. 

"  How  many,  old  boy,  have  you  ?  Can  you  spare 
a  few  for  my  larder  ?  " 

"  Well,  not  out  of  this  crowd." 

"What  did  you  get?" 

"An  old  rattler  and  a  gray  wolf,  and  my  friend 
here,  got  a  quail." 

"  Why,"  said  the  doctor,  "  quail  is  not  in  season, 
so  he  had  better  look  out.  I  shot  a  few  yesterday, 
and  had  a  good  run  from  the  warden  into  the  bar- 
gain, but  I  escaped  and  I  made  up  my  mind  I  would 
not  risk  it  again." 

"  Well,"  said  Moses,  "  was  that  you,  Doctor,  I 
chased  yesterday?  I  gave  you  a  hard  run,  didn't 
I?  And  now  I  have  you  without  any  effort." 

The  doctor's  chin  dropped  and  he  looked  dumb- 
founded. With  an  indescribable  expression  on  his 
face,  he  said  to  Abner : 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  179 

"  Well,  how  in  h —  did  you  get  in  such  com- 
pany ?  " 

At  this,  the  game  warden  smiled.  The  thought 
of  getting  some  of  the  money  back  that  Abner  had 
gotten  away  from  him  yesterday  put  him  into  a 
mirthful  mood. 

"  I  cannot  help  it,  doctor ;  I  have  sworn  to  do  my 
duty,  and  I'll  do  it." 

This  nettled  the  doctor,  and  with  sarcastic  voice, 
he  said : 

"  It  is  not  so  much  your  keen  sense  of  duty  as  it 
is  your  infernal  greed  to  get  the  twenty-five  dollar 
blood-money.  I  detest  such  creatures  as  you  are." 

Abner  was  now  an  interested  listener,  and  his 
Irish  wit  came  to  the  rescue. 

"  Doctor,  let  me  take  your  horse  and  carriage 
and  I'll  drive  into  the  city  and  swear  a  warrant  out 
for  both  you  and  the  gamekeeper  for  killing  quail 
out  of  season.  I  saw  him  kill  this  quail  this  morn- 
ing with  his  cane,  thinking  no  one  saw  him  do  it 
in  the  darkness.  I  was  near  enough  and  could  see 
him  raise  his  hand  and  strike  the  quail  with  a  stick. 
I  have  the  quail  in  my  pocket  and  will  go  at  once 
and  get  both  of  you  arrested.  Then  I  will  receive 
fifty  dollars  for  prosecuting  you  both  and  I  will 
turn  it  over  to  you  and  you  can  pay  your  fine  with 
it.  Our  friend  can  wander  down  in  his  pocket  and 
pay  his  fine  of  fifty  dollars  out  of  his  stock  on  hand. 
Doctor,  if  we  are  not  able  for  him,  I  hope  he  will 


180  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

beat  us.  I  have  every  confidence  in  our  ability  to 
give  him  the  muddy  end  of  the  stick." 

The  doctor's  face  now  was  radiant  with  smiles — 
not  alone  at  the  thought  of  saving  his  fifty  dollars, 
but  at  the  richness  of  the  joke  and  the  thought  of 
getting  back  at  one  he  despised.  The  countenance 
of  the  gamewarden  now  fell  and  he  hung  his  head 
like  a  sick  dog,  and  as  the  doctor  wrote  out  a  note 
to  his  coachman,  ordering  him  to  drive  Mr. 
L'Estrange  to  the  city  as  fast  as  possible,  the  warden 
said: 

"  Please  wait  a  minute.  Can't  we  fix  this  up 
between  us  without  resorting  to  extreme  measures  ? 
I  confess  you  are  too  many  for  me.  How  would  it 
be  for  us  three  to  swear  allegiance  to  one  another 
like  David  and  Jonathan,  and  later,  England  and 
Japan?" 

"All  right,"  said  the  doctor,  "  so  mote  it  be.  Now 
repeat  after  me,"  said  the  doctor,  as  his  body  shook 
with  convulsive  laughter,  "  '  I,  Moses  Bernstein,  of 
the  county  of  Contra  Costa,  swear,  that  I  will  for- 
ever keep  and  conceal  in  my  heart  all  the  actions 
of  my  mutual  friends,  Dr.  Thaur  and  Abner 
L'Estrange.  I  swear,  in  future,  that  I  will  not 
see  them,  or  either  one  of  them,  when  they  fire  at 
a  quail  or  any  other  game,  and  act  accordingly. 
This,  on  condition  that  they  will  keep  this  secret 
until  death  calls  them  to  make  angels  out  of  them, 
or  kindling  wood,  as  their  cases  may  deserve.' 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  181 

Ceremony  over  now,"  the  doctor  said.  "  Let  us  now 
smoke  the  pipe  of  peace  together,"  and  he  drew 
from  his  pocket  a  book  which  Abner  thought  was  a 
Bible,  but  proved  to  be  a  book  made  specially  for 
temperance  lecturers  or  other  hypocrites  to  carry 
their  libation  or  quiet  smile  in,  without  creating  sus- 
picion. 

The  warden  laughed  when  he  saw  the  book,  as 
the  doctor  turned  it  up  on  a  corner,  while  he 
poured  the  mingled  souls  of  wheat  and  corn  into  a 
cup  and  handed  it  to  the  warden,  saying: 

"  Put  these  good  spirits  into  your  old  body  and 
they  will  change  you." 

Moses  reached  his  hand  for  the  cup,  and  as  he 
did  so,  said: 

"  Doctor,  you're  up  to  date." 

"  Well,  we  have  to  be,  haven't  we,  old  man  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  Abner,  "  for  it  is  in  California,  as  it 
is  everywhere  else — a  survival  of  the  fittest — a  con- 
stant fight  for  life." 

"  Oh,"  exclaimed  the  doctor,  "  here  is  our  old 
Scotch  friend,  John  Lomax.  Well,  old  fellow,  how 
do  you  do  this  morning  ?  " 

"  Second  class,  mon,  but  I  soon  will  be  better 
when  I  get  a  little  inspiration  out  of  your  book;  I 
like  to  commune  with  the  spirits,  you  know,  doctor. 
I  am  a  spiritualist." 

The  doctor  took  the  hint  without  the  kick,  filled 
the  measure  to  the  brim  and  handed  it  to  the  farmer, 


182  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

who,  in  a  jiffy,  had  it  on  its  way  to  murder  his 
indigestion. 

"  Doctor,"  he  said,  with  a  smile,  "  I  like  your 
medicine  best  of  any.  No  doctor  like  our  friend 
here,  is  there  Moses  ?  " 

Moses  was  the  gamewarden,  and  he  sat  in  deep 
meditation  and  did  not  answer  the  farmer.  The 
spirits  now  commenced  to  warm  up  the  farmer  and 
his  tongue  wagged  more  freely.  Turning  to  the 
doctor,  he  pointed  to  signs  which  he  had  put  on  the 
posts  and  fences,  "  No  shooting  or  trespassing 
allowed  on  this  land.  Beware  of  arrest." 

"  Doctor,  I  put  up  those  signs  to  keep  the  hunters 
off,  so  that  you  and  your  friend  could  always  find 
game  on  my  land.  I  wish  you  would  come  around, 
though,  every  day.  You  now  only  come  three 
times  a  week.  I'd  like  very  much  if  I  could  see 
you  every  day,"  and  he  sang,  "  I  need  thee  every 
hour." 

"  Well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  John,  how  would  it  be 
to  take  another  one  for  tomorrow  ?  " 

"All  right,"  said  the  farmer,  in  high  glee,  "  I  am 
ready  to  carry  it  around  until  tomorrow,"  so  another 
glass  of  the  liquid  found  lodgment  with  its  elder 
brother  gone  before. 

John  was  now  feeling  good  and  soon  he  com- 
menced to  deliver  an  oration  on  the  blessing  it  was 
to  have  a  kind  doctor  so  convenient.  It  was  not 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  183 

he,  though,  that  was  speaking;  'twas  the  voice  of 
the  spirits  in  prison. 

The  sun  was  now  forcing  the  fog  to  retire  from 
the  hillside  and  valleys,  and  soon  could  be  seen  and 
heard  all  kinds  of  small  game. 

"  Come,"  said  Abner,  "  let  us  move.  The  game 
will  now  be  out,  and  we  must  try  to  get  some.  I 
will  walk  along  near  the  summit  and  you  three 
scatter  in  a  line  down  through  the  brush  and  you 
will  drive  them  out,  and  I  will  try  and  knock  them 
over  before  they  get  into  the  canyon." 

"  Now,  brother,"  said  the  doctor,  turning  to 
Abner,  "  I  saw  you  in  a  carriage  the  other  day, 
driving  down  Atlantic  Avenue,  with  a  young  lady. 
If  I  am  not  mistaken,  you  were  taking  advantage 
of  the  dead.  I  did  not  think  you  would  be  guilty 
of  a  behind-back  act,  as  that  surely  was.  While 
my  mind  was  pondering  over  your  actions  and 
trying  to  make  out  what  it  meant,  the  carriage  sud- 
denly stopped  as  if  a  ghost  had  appeared  in  front 
of  you.  On  second  thought,  I  concluded,  you  had 
a  broken  axle  or  wheel,  for  I  saw  two  men  walk 
with  a  quick  step  up  to  the  carriage  and  after  some 
talk  with  you,  all  three  walked  away  together,  leav- 
ing the  lady  to  ride  back  to  her  home  alone.  Don't 
you  know,  old  man,  that  this  was  a  most  ungallant 
act?  Why  did  you  do  it?  " 

"  Well,"  said  Abner,  "  our  friend  there  arrested 
me  for  shooting  quail  a  week  before  on  this  mount- 


184  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

ain,  out  of  season.  He  waited  his  opportunity  to 
take  me  in.  In  his  meanness  he  thought  then  was 
the  time.  I  could  have  shot  him  dead  when  he 
laid  his  hand  upon  me,  but  knew  there  was  no  use 
in  making  any  resistance,  for  he  was  cunning 
enough  to  take  an  assistant  along.  Imagine  my 
humiliation  at  being  arrested  at  such  a  time  and 
under  such  circumstances." 

The  old  farmer  now  raised  his  voice  to  a  high 
key  and  said,  with  emphasis: 

"  Moses,  if  you  do  anything  to  these  men  again, 
I'll  shoot  you  the  first  time  you  put  your  foot  on 
my  land.  Do  you  understand  ?  And  no  one  will  be 
the  wiser.  Now,  if  you  want  to  be  a  neighbor  to 
the  Scotchman  and  keep  on  friendly  terms  with 
him,  so  that  you  can  get  your  milk  and  butter  for 
nothing  as  heretofore,  and  save  that  carcass  of 
yours  from  the  worms,  you  will  let  my  friends 
alone.  I  tell  you,  he  who  interferes  with  them 
cannot  be  on  friendly  terms  with  me.  They  can 
shoot  the  chickens  in  my  yard,  if  they  wish,  and  no 
one  can  say  they  are  not  welcome.  Doctor,  isn't 
that  right  ?  "  he  said,  as  he  extended  the  horny  hand 
of  honest  toil  to  the  physician,  who,  grasping  it, 
gave  it  a  hearty  shake. 

"  Well,"  continued  the  doctor,  "  how  did  you  two 
settle  the  other  day  ?  " 

"  Oh,  he  beat  me,"  said  Moses,  with  a  downcast 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  185 

look.  "  I  lost  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  by  the 
deal,  and  my  wife  hasn't  let  up  on  me  since." 

"  Well,  I  hope  that  will  teach  you  to  behave  your- 
self in  the  future,  and  if  it  does,  Moses,  it  is  a  good 
investment,"  said  the  farmer. 

Abner  was  now  growing  impatient  at  the  delay, 
and  standing  up,  said,  "  I  am  ready  boys ;  come 
on." 

As  he  said  this  a  flock  of  wild  ducks  flew  over 
their  heads.  Bang,  bang,  and  two  out  of  the  flock 
came  to  mother  earth. 

"  Good  shot ;  keep  that  up.  Scatter  in  the  brush 
and  keep  in  line  down  the  hill  with  me,"  said  the 
doctor.  "  I  am  determined  to  knock  some  cotton 
tail  out  this  morning.  My  old  friend  there  can  do 
it  if  we  only  get  them  on  the  run.  Would  you  like 
another  smile,  John,  before  we  start  in  ?  " 

"  I  think  I  could  run  better  if  I  had  one,"  said 
the  farmer. 

"  Well,  here  it  is,"  said  the  doctor,  "  there  is 
luck  in  odd  numbers." 

"  All  ready  now,"  John  said,  as  he  ran  down  the 
side  of  the  mountain.  Soon  they  were  beating  the 
brush  and  the  rabbits  ran  out  in  every  direction. 
Abner  was  always  ready  for  them,  and  soon  they 
had  all  they  wanted  and  were  thinking  of  going 
home,  when  a  coyote  ran  past  them  with  six  fox 
hounds,  in  full  cry  after  him.  It  was  a  grand 
sight.  All  now  ran  for  the  hilltop,  where  they 


186  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

watched  the  chase.  The  cry  of  the  hounds  was 
sweeter  music  than  Paderewski,  Patti  or  Sousa 
could  make  in  the  ears  of  the  sportsmen  now 
stationed  on  the  hilltop.  They  brought  back  Abner 
to  his  boyhood  days,  when  he  often  risked  a  whip- 
ping to  follow  the  hounds  and  huntsmen,  as  they 
chased  the  fox  over  the  corn  fields  of  the  farmers 
in  the  British  Isles.  The  coyote  led  them  a  merry 
chase  to  the  summit  and  then  down  again,  when  he 
wheeled  and  ran  around  the  hillside  about  midway 
between  plain  and  summit.  He  kept  about  a  hun- 
dred yards  ahead,  sometimes  a  little  more.  It  was 
now  one  o'clock,  and  the  doctor  expressed  a  wish 
to  go  home  and  attend  to  his  patients ;  but  all,  with 
one  voice,  insisted  on  him  staying  to  see  the  finish. 
The  hill  is  about  three  miles  around  and  is  sit- 
uated in  the  midst  of  a  beautiful  country,  a  smooth, 
rich  valley  lying  all  around  it.  This  valley  is 
covered  with  orchards  and  brilliant  green  fields, 
thickly  interspersed  with  homes,  which  have  all 
beautiful  surroundings.  The  door-yards  and  lawns 
are  filled  with  brilliant  colored  roses  and  flowering 
shrubs,  of  the  rarest,  as  well  as  the  most  beautiful 
and  fragrant  varieties.  They  are  in  bloom  through- 
out the  entire  year.  The  finest  crops  of  alfalfa  are 
raised  on  the  plains,  and  thousands  of  California 
State  flowers  can  be  seen  on  the  hillside  near  the 
valley.  The  clouds  form  and  reform  on  the  sum- 
mit, producing  the  most  beautiful  effects,  joining 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  187 

earth  and  sky  together.  The  mountains  look  like 
great  pillars  resting  on  the  earth,  holding  up  the 
heavens. 

The  hunting  party  watched  the  chase  from  the 
summit,  while  the  hounds  and  coyote  made  the  cir- 
cuit around  it. 

"  Look,  cried  the  doctor,  all  excited,  "  the  dogs 
are  gaining  ground,  but  they  look  tired,  while  he 
seems  as  fresh  as  ever.  Oh,  he  has  wheeled  back 
and  gone  around  that  rock.  They  have  lost  him." 

Now  the  music  of  the  hounds  ceased  for  a  little, 
but  soon  they  were  on  his  trail  again.  The  coyote 
always,  when  hunted,  runs  in  the  same  track,  over 
and  over  again.  Now  the  dogs  were  in  full  cry 
and  full  view.  It  is  indeed  music,  and  most  exciting 
to  hear  the  cry  of  the  hounds  and  watch  the  wolf, 
as  he  runs  before  them. 

For  fully  an  hour,  they  keep  in  view  of  him,  while 
he  makes  a  full  circuit  around  the  mountain,  as 
before — half  way  between  plains  and  top.  Now,  he 
wheels  again  and  dashes  over  the  rocks  and  through 
the  steep-sided  canyons,  dodging  in  and  out  among 
the  trees  and  shrubs  that  thickly  line  the  sides  of 
the  ravine.  He  wheels  again  around  some  high 
brush  and  heads  for  the  summit  once  more.  The 
dogs  are  now  within  fifty  yards  of  him  and  are 
making  desperate  efforts  to  catch  him. 

It  is  now  three  P.  M.  but  no  one  speaks  or  thinks 
of  home.  It  is  plain  to  the  most  casual  observer 


188  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

that  this  unmerciful  prowler  realizes  he  is  in 
imminent  danger  of  losing  his  hide.  He  turned 
again  for  the  plains,  as  if  he  intended  to  cross 
them.  After  running  a  little  way  he  evidently 
changed  his  mind  and  was  convinced  that  he  dare 
not  venture  over  them,  as  it  would  be  impossible 
for  him  to  reach  the  mountain  range;  so,  turning 
toward  the  summit  again,  he  ran  up  as  high  as  the 
old  circuit  and  then  continued  it.  The  dogs  were 
again  gaining  on  him.  They  now  were  running 
two  abreast  and  all  so  close  together  that  you  would 
think  it  was  only  one  dog  was  after  him. 

"  It  now  looks,  doctor,"  said  the  Scotchman,  "  as 
if  this  day  would  be  his  last." 

"  Yes,  indeed,  John ;  I  wouldn't  care  to  be  as  near 
my  end  as  he  is." 

The  wolf's  actions  now  showed  symptoms  of  des- 
pair, as  he  faced  the  plains  once  more.  He  reached 
the  flat  land  about  twenty-five  yards  ahead  of  the 
dogs,  with  his  head  straight  toward  the  mountains 
on  the  opposite  side.  The  dogs  now  gained  rapidly 
on  him  and  it  looked  as  if  it  would  be  only  a  few 
minutes  before  he  would  be  among  the  has  been's. 
The  dogs  were  now  within  a  few  yards  of  him 
and  soon  he  was  compelled  to  turn  towards  the 
hill.  In  his  desperate  straits,  he  ran  into  a  cave  in 
the  ground  and  thus  evaded  his  pursuers  for  a 
little.  The  cave  was  about  a  quarter  of  a  mile  long, 
filled  with  water,  and  of  loop  shape.  It  came  out 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  189 

under  a  tree  a  little  further  over.  It  was  formerly 
a  gold  mine,  and  had  been  abandoned  on  account 
of  the  water.  One  of  the  dogs  followed  him  into 
the  cave,  and  their  muffled  sounds  told  the  sports- 
men the  wolf  had  run  to  ground.  The  other  five 
dogs  leaped  and  jumped  around,  trying  to  find  a 
sight  or  trail  of  him.  For  some  time,  it  was  a  fruit- 
less search,  but  the  dog  that  followed  him  into  the 
cave  swam  the  water  and  compelled  him  to  go  out. 
When  he  left  the  cave  he  was  about  a  hundred 
yards  ahead  and  was  running  fast,  and  seemed 
fresh.  He  had  to  swim  the  water  in  the  cave  and  it 
seemed  to  give  him  new  life.  Soon  the  dogs  got  on 
his  trail,  and  for  two  hours  more,  it  was  indeed  a 
race  for  life,  limb  and  hide.  They  were  now  gain- 
ing fast  upon  him.  The  dog  that  followed  him 
into  the  cave  lost  sight  and  scent  of  him  altogether. 
She  scampered  up  to  the  men  on  the  summit,  on 
bleeding  legs.  The  doctor  attended  to  her,  and  soon 
she  was  in  shape  to  run  again. 

Now  it  was  a  close  run.  The  dogs  were  within 
a  few  feet  of  him,  and  he  and  they  were  seemingly 
all  tired  out.  The  lame  dog  now  caught  a  glimpse 
of  him  as  he  climbed  over  a  rock  and  she  joined 
the  chase  and  lead  it  for  about  six  miles,  when  the 
wolf  jumped  over  a  precipice,  put  his  back  between 
two  rocks,  and  with  stripped  teeth  faced  his  pur- 
suers. The  hounds  commenced  to  bark  furiously 
at  him  and  would  rush  at  him,  and  when  they  did 


190  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

they  generally  lost  some  of  their  hair  with  skin 
attached  to  it.  The  sportsmen  now  ran  up.  The 
dogs,  seeing  them  coming,  took  courage,  and  one 
of  them  made  a  desperate  dash,  caught  hold  of 
the  wolf  by  the  side  of  the  neck  and  dragged  him 
from  his  entrenchment,  where  they  all  joined  in 
pulling  him  to  pieces.  He  died  like  the  Boers — 
game  to  the  end,  but  had  to  succumb  to  superior 
numbers. 

"  Well,  old  man,  we  had  better  go  home  and  get 
something  to  eat.  I  am  exceedingly  hungry,"  said 
the  doctor. 

All  commenced  to  move  homeward.  The  doctor 
and  Abner  walked  across  the  plain  to  where  the 
colored  coachman  was  waiting  for  him.  They 
entered  the  carriage  and  in  a  few  minutes  were 
skimming  along  the  highway  leading  to  Berkeley. 

When  they  reached  Oakland  Park,  a  ragged 
looking  man  with  a  red  nose,  wrinkled  and  de- 
bauched face,  raised  his  hand  as  if  to  signal  them 
to  stop.  The  doctor  called  to  the  polished  driver 
to  halt  and  see  what  this  gentleman  of  leisure 
wanted. 

"Well,  my  boy,  what's  the  matter?"  said  the 
doctor. 

This  specimen  of  played-out  humanity  replied 
with  emphasis: 

"  I  haven't  got  a  d — n  cent." 

"  Well,  nobody  said  you  had,"  said  Abner. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  191 

"  But  I  am  broke,  man." 

"  Who  says  you're  not  ?  We're  not  responsible 
for  your  financial  condition.  You  spent  all  your 
money,"  said  Abner,  "  trying  to  paint  that  nose  a 
good  deep  red,  and  you  have  succeeded." 

"  Well,  will  you  let  me  have  five  cents  ?  " 

"  Without  any  collateral  security  ?  You  have 
mistaken  us  for  money  lenders.  You  have  asked 
the  wrong  men.  We  are  all  like  you,  at  the  present 
time,  except  that  nose." 

The  horse  now  commenced  to  get  restless  and 
the  coachman  let  him  go,  and  they  soon  were 
crossing  Atlantic  Avenue. 

"  I  had  better  get  off  here,"  said  Abner,  "  and 
take  the  car  for  the  hotel." 

"Not  by  a  jug  full!  You  will  come  with  me 
and  we'll  eat  a  half  dozen  of  those  cotton  tails 
before  we  go  to  bed." 

They  were  now  in  front  of  the  doctor's  residence, 
and  getting  out,  the  doctor  called  to  a  colored  boy 
and  instructed  him  to  brush  off  the  guests.  This 
done,  they  all  followed  the  doctor  into  his  study 
where  a  gas  grate  burned  cheerfully.  When  seated, 
the  doctor  said: 

"  That  was  a  great  day's  sport  we  had.  I  have 
witnessed  many  a  chase,  but  never  before  was  lucky 
enough  to  be  in  a  position  where  I  could  see  them 
at  all  times,  as  we  did  today.  The  dogs  must  be 
well  fed  and  cared  for  to  keep  that  steady  run  up 


192  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

for  eight  hours.  'Twas  great  fun  for  all,  except 
the  wolf,  who  paid  the  penalty  for  the  many  sneak 
acts  he  perpetrated  on  his  weaker  neighbors." 
"  Say,  Abner,  how  is  Los  Angeles  ?  " 
"  Well,  doctor,  same  as  ever.  Selling  lots  for 
twice  what  they're  worth;  booming  the  city  for 
dear  life  and  persuading  themselves  daily  they  are 
growing  richer.  They  are  building  a  great  many 
new  houses,  but  very  few  good  ones.  Politics  are 
just  as  rotten  in  Los  Angeles  as  in  Albany  or 
New  York.  The  other  day  they  had  some  bonds 
to  sell,  and  did  not  offer  them  for  sale  in  Los 
Angeles,  but  carried  them  to  some  trust  company 
or  banking  house  in  New  York.  Just  like  the 
Cleveland  administration  denied  the  right  to  free 
men  to  bid  for  their  own  bonds,  but  sent  them  to 
England." 

"  I  cannot  understand,"  said  the  doctor,  "  why 
they  do  this  sort  of  thing.  There  is  only  one  reason 
for  doing  it,  and  that  is,  somebody  gets  paid  for  his 
trouble.  People  in  Los  Angeles  would  have  bought 
the  water  bonds.  I  know  several  who  would  have 
bid  for  blocks  of  them  if  they  had  had  the  chance, 
but  they  didn't  have  the  opportunity,  nor  will  they, 
as  long  as  they  allow  the  powers  that  be  to  do  as 
they  please.  The  people  in  Los  Angeles  remind  me 
of  a  story  told  of  an  Irishman  and  his  six-day-old 
dogs.  Taking  up  one  of  the  dogs,  he  told  him  to 
open  his  eyes.  The  dog  did  not  obey,  when  he 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  193 

dashed  it  on  the  sidewalk  and  its  eyes  opened. 
'  Ah/  said  he,  in  his  drunken  fury,  '  you  have  got 
to  have  your  brains  knocked  out  before  you  open 
your  eyes.' ' 

"  The  people  of  the  United  States  got  on  to 
Grover  Cleveland  and  his  policy  of  giving  exclusive 
right  to  Englishmen  to  buy  the  government  bonds, 
but  the  Englishmen  didn't  vote  for  him  at  the  next 
election,  nor  did  the  Americans  whom  he  turned  his 
back  on  when  he  had  good  goods  to  sell.  Cleveland 
should  have  learned  a  lesson  from  Maria  Antoinette 
and  her  weak-kneed  husband.  After  election  he 
could  say  with  all  truthfulness,  '  Vox  populi,  vox 
dei.'  It  has  been  said  of  McKinley,  the  late 
lamented  President,  that  he  always  held  his  ear  to 
the  ground  to  find  out  what  the  people  wanted. 
He  knew  the  people  of  the  United  States  had  confi- 
dence enough  in  the  stability  of  their  government 
to  put  their  last  dollar,  if  necessary,  into  its  bonds. 
He,  practicing  the  old  doctrine  of  goodness,  should 
commence  at  home,  asked  the  American  people  to 
subscribe  for  the  next  bond  issue,  which  they  did 
twice  over,  demonstrating  to  the  world  that  Cleve- 
land and  his  cabinet  committed  a  treasonable  act 
when  they  denied  equal  rights  to  Americans  with 
their  British  brethren.  It  has  been  said  of  McKin- 
ley that  he  always  looked  out  for  the  interests  of 
his  own  family.  It  might  also  be  said — and  said  to 
his  everlasting  credit — that  he  also  looked  out  with 


194  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

a  jealous  eye,  for  the  interests  of  his  own  people, 
the  citizens  of  the  United  States,  according  the 
same  rights  to  North  and  South,  East  and  West, 
recognizing  only  one  country,  and  one  flag  for  saint 
or  sinner,  man  who  wore  the  blue  or  grey,  and  he 
died  president  of  all.  Would  that  his  ghost  or 
some  one  dyed  .in  the  same  color  would  come  and 
occupy  the  chair  in  the  executive  office  of  the  city 
of  Los  Angeles ;  then  every  citizen  could  have  what 
bonds  they  want  and  they  would  not  be  sent  to  New 
York,  and  from  there  to  London,  to  be  held  as  a 
lien  against  the  homes  of  the  citizen  of  the  fortu- 
nate and  unfortunate  city  of  Los  Angeles." 

"  Well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  think  you  are  right. 
The  city  authorities  of  Los  Angeles  should  first 
have  asked  the  citizens  to  take  what  they  could 
of  the  bonds,  then  turn  over  the  balance  to  whoever 
would  pay  most  for  them." 

"  Yes,  doctor,"  said  Abner,  "  on  that  line  of  con- 
duct a  president  could  not  retire  to  private  life  on 
what  he  accumulated  in  a  few  years  while  in  office. 
Oh,  no,  doctor,  that  would  not  suit  the  politicians 
at  all ;  no  chance  for  make  on  that ;  no  rake-off ;  no 
hand-me-back ;  no  tickle-me-under-the-chin  for  the 
powers  that  be,  if  things  were  conducted  that  way." 

"  Well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  Abner,  you  are  too 
severe  on  the  politicians ;  you  know  it  costs  them  a 
good  deal  for  election,  and  to  use  the  language  of 
New  York's  leader,  they  are  not  in  politics  for  their 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  195 

health.  They  seldom  or  ever  work  for  the  inter- 
ests of  the  people,  except  it  is  on  a  strict  line  with 
their  own  interest.  They  are  mostly  all  the  time 
casting  an  anchor  to  windward  for  themselves.  I 
notice  it  is  all  the  same  the  world  over,  and  I  sup- 
pose it  will  be,  as  long  as  nature  has  decreed  that 
the  big  fish  eat  the  little  ones,  the  stronger  live  on 
the  efforts  of  his  weaker  brother.  Compare  any  of 
those  modern  politicians  with  Warren  Hastings  of 
infamous  memory,  and  they  will  pretend  their  feel- 
ings are  hurt  by  the  comparison.  He  is  held  up  as 
a  synonym  of  all  that  is  bad,  dishonest,  brutal, 
unmerciful  and  cold-hearted  in  political  life.  Well, 
I  tell  you,  I  think  he  will  get  a  high  seat  in  heaven 
if  those  who  connive  against  their  own  people  are 
allowed  to  enter  at  all  the  sacred  portals.  Warren 
Hastings  did  not  plunder  his  own  people,  but  con- 
fined his  depredations  and  crimes  to  the  savage  and 
foreigner.  He  had  no  interest  in  them,  further 
than  what  he  could  get  out  of  them.  He  was  like 
the  average  jockey  on  the  back  of  a  blooded  steed, 
who,  by  threats,  entreaties  and  punishment,  gets  the 
last  atom  of  strength  and  speed  out  of  the  animal, 
then  takes  his  saddle  under  his  arm,  gets  weighed, 
collects  his  fee  and  that's  all  he  cares  for  the  horse ; 
doesn't  even  condescend  to  look  around  to  see  how 
it  feels  who  carried  him  in  triumph  to  receive  the 
plaudits  of  the  field  and  grand  stand.  The  Ameri- 
can office-holders  are  different.  This  is  their  own 


1%  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

land.  The  people  whom  they  rob,  misrule,  or  sell 
into  bondage,  are  bone  of  their  bone,  flesh  of  their 
flesh,  and  while  we  are  told  to  do  good  unto  all,  we 
are  especially  instructed  to  do  right  in  our  own 
household  and  with  our  own  people.  The  United 
States  lost  millions  of  dollars  in  interest  through 
the  unpatriotic  and  diabolical  action  of  Grover 
Cleveland,  and  the  people  of  Los  Angeles,  as  before 
stated,  have  lost  thousands  of  dollars  by  not  being 
allowed  to  bid  in  their  own  water  bonds.  The  peo- 
ple relegated  Cleveland  to  private  life, .and  gave 
him  time  to  shoot,  fish  and  hunt.  They  have  no 
ambition  for  any  more  of  his  services.  They  are 
fully  convinced  that  his  existence  was  a  public 
calamity,  and  when  he  is  now  heard  from  or  his 
name  mentioned,  with  almost  one  voice,  they 
exclaim,  R.  I.  P." 

"  Well,  Abner,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  think  this 
condition  of  things  can  be  laid  to  the  door  of  the 
voters.  They  do  not  see  the  vermin  carrying  off 
their  wealth,  and  if  they  do,  they  generally  say,  with 
a  shrug  of  their  shoulders,  '  I  don't  care  what  they 
do  with  them ;  it's  all  the  same  to  me.'  They  forget 
that  it  is  eating  the  life  blood  of  the  nation,  and 
soon  we  will  be  a  nation  of  millionaires,  serfs  and 
paupers.  The  middle  class  will  be  wiped  out,  and 
I  tell  you  that  the  people  are  like  a  pie — the  upper 
and  lower  crusts  are  worthless,  unwholesome  and 
unfit  for  food.  It  is  the  layer  between  the  crusts 


TOO    MUCH   BROTHER-IN-LAW.  197 

that  is  good,  wholesome  and  valuable,  just  as  the 
middle  class  are  the  respectable,  healthful  and  use- 
ful citizens.  The  upper  and  lower  class  we  could 
get  along  without,  and  the  fact  is  we  would  be 
much  better  off  if  they  had  died  when  five  days 
old,  or  better  still,  had  never  been  born.  From 
these  two  classes  spring  the  immoral,  dishonest,  the 
criminal  and  the  outlaw.  Statistics  prove  the 
truth  of  the  statement,  and  experience  and  investi- 
gation will  back  me  up  in  my  contention." 

"  Abner,"  continued  the  doctor,  "  when  have  you 
been  to  Albany?  Do  you  know  that  Albany  is  my 
birthplace,  and  in  it  is  my  Alma  Mater  ?  I  attended 
the  colleges  on  Pill  Alley  on  Lancaster  Street,  and 
got  my  sheepskin  from  there.  I  am  acquainted 
with  most  of  the  old  families  in  Albany.  Is  it  still 
a  Dutch  city  ruled  by  the  Irish  ?  " 

"  It  was  tihtil  the  last  election,  when  a  Dutchman 
was  elected  mayor,  while  his  opponent  was  snowed 
under  by  an  avalanche  of  votes.  They  claim  that 
the  Democratic  candid iate  was  beaten  because  he 
wore  corsets  and  parted  his  hair  in  the  middle.  I 
do  not  know  if  this  be  true,  but  one  thing  I  do 
know,  he  was  beaten." 

"  Abner,  are  you  acquainted  with  Robert  Pruyn  ? 
He  was  president  of  the  Albany  railway  and  the 
Commercial  Bank." 

"  Yes,"  said  Abner,  "  I  have  seen  him  several 
times  on  the  street ;  but  that  is  all." 


198  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  Well,  do  you  know  that  his  father  was  sen- 
tenced to  be  beheaded  for  robbing  the  Oriental  gov- 
ernment out  of  millions?  The  United  States  com- 
promised the  matter  for  him  and  saved  his  scalp. 
It  was  a  good  thing  for  Albany  that  they  did.  Had 
the  law  been  carried  out  he  would  have  lost  his 
head  and  Albany  wouldn't  have  had  the  benefit  it 
has  received  from  what  he  stole  from  the  land  of 
the  rising  sun." 

"  Why,  doctor,  to  use  the  language  of  our  friend 
Moses  on  the  mountain,  '  You  stun  me.'  He  is 
now  the  standard  of  Albany  blue  blood  and  New 
York  State  aristocracy — the  great  I  am.  Roscoe 
Conklin  never  strutted  with  more  haughty  step  than 
he.  He  has  now  started  on  the  ruins  of  the  Mer- 
chants' Bank,  a  trust  company,  in  opposition  to  the 
one  presided  over  by  Albany's  most  representative 
citizen,  John  D.  Parsons,  Jr.  You  may  laugh, 
doctor,  but  it  is  a  positive  fact,  he  is  the  only  door 
through  which  you  must  pass  into  the  society  of  the 
four  hundred  located  in  the  capital  of  the  Empire 
State.  The  endorsement  of  the  robber's  son,  as  you 
call  him,  will  grease  you  so  you  can  slide  through 
into  the  sanctum  sanctorum  of  this  mushroom  aris- 
tocracy." 

"  Well,  well,  Abner,  how  money  makes  the  mare 
go,  doesn't  it?  Name  the  other  officers  of  the  new 
trust  company  until  I  see  if  I  know  any  of  them." 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  199 

"  Mr.  Grangesard,  who  I  believe,  is  second  offi- 
cer in  it." 

"  Well,  well,"  said  the  doctor,  again.  "  He  is  a 
son  of  the  cheap-John  tailor  who  used  to  half-sole 
and  heel  my  pants  on  Green  street.  He  used  to 
work  in  the  day  time,  in  a  tailor  store  next  to  the 
Mansion  House.  It  must  be  his  daughter  the  doc- 
tors were  talking  about  at  the  Clinic,  when  I  was 
there.  Dr.  Mereness  asked  Dr.  Van  Ranselear  to 
explain  the  nature  of  the  germs  that  caused  the 
trouble.  I  myself  noticed  they  had  oak  bark  on 
the  street  to  kill  the  noise.  Did  you  hear  if  she 
recovered?  The  medical  profession  seemed  to  be 
interested  in  her  case." 

"  I  do  not  know,"  said  Abner,  "  I  have  never 
heard  of  the  young  lady." 

"  There  are  a  lot  of  men  in  the  new  trust  com- 
pany, are  there  not  ?  " 

"  Yes ;  most  of  the  officers  in  the  old  Commercial 
qualified  under  the  rules  and  regulations  of  the  new 
trust  company.  The  cashier  was  the  only  one  who 
was  rejected,  and  he  was  knocked  out  on  account  of 
having  a  thoroughly  honest  mother.  It  was  thought 
that  a  son  raised  by  such  a  mother  couldn't  be  used 
in  the  proper  way,  if  opportunity  offered.  They 
want  a  man  born  and  built  on  the  non-conductor 
principle,  one  who  will  do  as  they  want  him  to,  be 
they  right  or  wrong,  and  his  past  record  showed 


200  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

louder  than  words  or  pen  that  he  wasn't  one  of  that 
kind." 

"  Well,  Abner,  what  is  the  idea  of  doing  away 
with  banks  and  starting  up  those  trust  companies  in 
their  stead  ?  " 

"  It  is  simply  this :  the  national  banking  law  pre- 
vents the  banks  from  robbing  the  people  wholesale. 
For  some  years  they  have  chafed  under  the  restraint 
put  upon  them  by  it.  '  Necessity  is  the  mother  of 
invention,'  and  they  have  now,  in  their  efforts  to 
evade  the  law,  found  a  new  way  to  get  around  an 
old  law,  and  it  is  by  turning  the  banks  into  trust 
companies.  The  people  will  soon  awake  to  a  reali- 
zation of  the  danger  that  confronts  them  from  these 
hydra-headed  institutions,  and  when  they  do,  the 
cry  will  be  from  the  Atlantic  to  the  Pacific :  '  Away 
with  them  and  erect  on  their  ruins  the  old  reliable 
national  banking  system.'  " 

"  Well,  Abner,  how  is  the  historical  and  art 
society  getting  along?  Are  you  much  of  a 
painter  ?  " 

"  I  am  not  much  of  a  painter,  but  a  strong 
admirer  of  fine  art." 

"  Who  is  the  president  of  the  society  ?  " 

"  George  Douglas  Miller." 

"  I  suppose  he  is  a  very  intellectual  man  and  a 
good  artist  ?  " 

"  Well,  I  guess  not ;  the  only  thing  I  think  he 
could  draw  would  be  an  Italian  peanut  cart.  He 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  201 

is  a  man  who  never  earned  an  honest  dollar  in  his 
life,  and  I  doubt  very  much,  if  he  had  the  ability 
to  do  it,  if  he  were  willing;  but  he  was  endowed 
with  the  low  cunning  of  all  fortune  hunters  who 
run  around  looking  for  some  dead  man's  money,  so 
that  they  can  marry  it  and  invite  the  daughter  to 
the  wedding.  Mr.  Miller  found  such  a  one  and 
feathered  his  nest,  but  if  she  doesn't  look  out, 
instead  of  being  a  Douglas  Miller,  he  will  prove 
a  moth  miller  to  her  father's  collection  of  green- 
backs. He  is  very  ambitious  to  '  found  a  family,' 
and  with  the  material  at  hand  he  will  have  to  per- 
form a  miracle  to  even  make  it  passable,  much  less 
perfection." 

"  Did  you  know  a  lawyer  named  George  L.  Stead- 
man?" 

"  Yes,  I  often  heard  of  him ;  he  was  a  very  nice, 
agreeable  man.  He  was  so  kind  that  he  had  his 
name  put  on  his  father-in-law's  monument,  when 
he  got  the  old  man's  eyes  closed,  thinking  his  name 
would  protect  it  from  all  the  storm  and  violence  of 
the  elements.  He  has  two  sons,  now  lawyers,  and 
they  married  into  two  very  respectable  families." 

"  Isn't  it  queer,  Abner,  that  Albany  hasn't  gained 
ten  people  in  population  in  twenty-three  years? 
What  is  the  reason  of  this  ?  " 

"  Well,  it  never  will  prosper,  nor  cannot  until 
they  have  about  two  hundred  first-class  funerals. 
They  must  first  weed  out  those  old  moss-backs  who 


202  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

hold  on,  with  deathly  grip,  to  the  money.  They 
do  not  want  to  make  Albany  a  manufacturing  or 
business  city.  They  wish  to  turn  it  into  a  residence 
place  for  drones,  dudes,  good-for-nothings  and  non- 
producers.  They  prefer  a  college  where  a  few  men 
— or  boys  rather — will  get  a  classical  education,  to 
a  factory  employing  a  thousand  hands  and  putting 
twenty  thousand  dollars  in  circulation  every  week 
to  the  fifty  the  other  spent.  Do  you  now  wonder 
that  Albany  is  the  only  city  in  the  United  States 
of  over  fifty  thousand  population  that  has  not 
gained  in  the  last  twenty  years?  What  can  you 
expect  of  a  city  that  would  allow  the  Edison  Works 
to  establish  their  plant  in  Schenectady,  when  they 
offered  to  come  to  Albany?  Their  coming  to 
Albany  would  interfere  with  the  Municipal  Gas 
Company  and  the  Electric  Light  Company  of  the 
city.  These  two  companies  are  principally  owned 
by  Brady,  Pruyn  &  Company,  and  of  course  the 
people,  in  their  blindness  and  stupidity,  allowed 
these  two  millionaires  to  fatten  upon  the  city,  while 
they  drive  all  competition  out  of  it." 

"  Well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  if  that  is  so,  Abner,  I, 
as  a  friend  of  Albany,  would  be  in  favor  of  a  com- 
mittee of  doctors  and  a  few  soldiers  who  would 
arrest  all  Albanians,  bring  them  before  the  physi- 
cians and  have  them  examined  as  to  their  sanity. 
Do  you  mean  to  tell  me  that  there  is  another  city 
in  the  world  whose  people  are  as  thick-headed  as 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  203 

this  condition  of  things  would  indicate?  When  the 
United  States  Census  Bureau  gave  to  the  press  their 
report,  I  was  surprised  at  old  Albany,  and  until 
now,  was  totally  ignorant  of  the  cause  of  its  lack  of 
growth.  It  has  many  natural  advantages,  being 
at  the  head  of  the  beautiful  Hudson  River  and  the 
center  of  several  railroads.  It  has  the  finest  build- 
ings in  the  world  on  its  hilltop,  and  one  of  the  finest 
railroad  depots  in  the  country  at  its  gates ;  but  it  is 
peopled  by  a  slow  and  easy-going  class  of  citizens 
who  take  little  or  no  pride  in  the  welfare  of  their 
city.  It  is  moth-eaten  by  political  intrigue  and 
machination,  and  corroded  by  the  efforts  of  some 
families  who  have  outlived  their  usefulness. 
Nature  and  the  State  and  the  railroad  have  done 
a  lot  for  Albany,  but  Albanians  have  sat  on  its 
branches,  eaten  of  its  fruit  and  allowed  the  enemy 
to  suck  the  lifeblood  out  of  it." 

"  Well,  Abner,  my  prayer  for  old  Albany  is  that 
its  citizens  may  soon  awake  to  a  realization  of  their 
responsibility  and  with  true  and  manly  effort,  put 
their  shoulders  to  the  wheel,  drive  out  from  among 
them  these  drones  and  cormorants  who  have  stopped 
the  wheels  of  progress  and  the  onward  march  of 
prosperity  and  civilization;  put  new  blood  at  the 
helm  and  soon  old  Albany  will,  sphinx-like,  rise 
from  its  ashes  and  take  its  place  again  among  the 
first-class  cities  of  the  union." 


204  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

"  Do  you  think,"  said  the  doctor,  "  Moses  will 
live  up  to  his  word  given  us  yesterday  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  am  sure  he  will,  for  he  is  afraid  of  his  life 
of  John  Lomax.  You  could  see  it  worried  him  all 
day." 

"  I  think  he  was  also  worried  because  you  kept 
him  from  getting  at  me  for  shooting  the  quail  out 
of  season.  I  could  see  by  his  face  he  was  unhappy 
and  looked  as  if  something  was  annoying  his  mind 
or  troubling  his  conscience.  He  was  the  only  one 
in  our  party  who  did  not  enjoy  the  hunt.  Abner, 
isn't  he  a  Jew  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes ;  and  if  you  notice,  the  Jews  are  either 
good  or  bad,  and  I  think  he  is  of  the  latter  class." 

"  Abner,  did  you  know  a  Jew  in  Albany  named 
C.  L.  Swartz?  He  is  an  awfully  good  fellow 
until  you  ask  a  favor  of  him,  then  you  will  see  how 
good  he  is.  He  is  one  of  those  who  are  always 
urging  you  to  let  him  do  something  for  you. 
Should  you  ever  need  him,  or,  as  they  say  in  vulgar 
parlance,  '  If  you're  in  want,  come  to  me  and  you 
will  want.' " 

"  Well,  Abner,  old  man,"  said  the  doctor  with 
a  smile,  "  you  mustn't  be  so  hard  on  him.  There 
are  a  great  many  people  just  like  him  in  the  world 
whose  souls  breathe  nothing  but  hypocrisy,  dissimu- 
lation and  selfishness,  and  in  the  intensity  of  their 
passion  for  praise,  without  risk  or  cost,  are  con- 
tinually offering  their  aid  to  you  when  they  are 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  205 

sure  you  are  sitting  safely  on  the  branches  of  pros- 
perity, enjoying  the  sunshine  of  success ;  but  let  the 
black  clouds  of  misfortune,  failure,  humiliation, 
privation,  sickness,  poverty  or  despair  settle  over 
you  and  your  home,  they  will  then  come  out  under 
their  true  colors,  and  with  others  of  their  class,  hold 
up  their  hands  in  holy  horror.  The  hands  that  yes- 
terday were  stretched  out  to  help  you  when  you  did 
not  need  their  succor,  now  hang  close  to  their  sides 
with  clenched  fists,  and  the  eyes  that  yesterday  were 
open,  looking  for  some  way  to  show  how  true  a 
friend  they  are  and  would  be  to  you,  are  now  closed. 
They  are  as  dark  as  were  the  eyes  of  blind  Barti- 
meus  of  old,  or  they  will  pass  by  on  the  other  side 
repeating  the  hymn,  '  For  Aid,  Look  Above/  or,  '  I 
Never  Knew  You,  You  Are  no  Friend  or  Relative 
of  Mine/  " 

"  Doctor,  they  live  only  in  your  sunshine  and  die 
in  your  storm.  If  it  is  your  wife  and  she  belongs 
to  that  class,  she  will  say,  '  I  never  loved  him ;  I 
don't  see  why  I  married  him.  I  hate  him.  I  will 
show  my  contempt  for  him  by  leaving  him  and  tak- 
ing from  him  all  I  can,  and  give  it  to  my  brothers 
and  blood  relations.'  If  it  is  your  mother  and  she 
belongs  to  that  class,  she  will  say,  '  I  wonder  why  I 
raised  him;  I  knew  there  was  no  good  in  him.  I 
don't  know  who  he  took  after.'  If  it  is  your  father, 
he  is  likely  to  say :  '  Well,  I  always  knew  he  was 
good  for  nothing — was  too  much  like  my  mother-in- 


206  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

law.'  Your  neighbor  or  pseudo  friend  will 
undoubtedly  join  the  throng  in  reading  moral  lec- 
tures on  the  mire  and  dunghill  of  your  misfortune, 
and  like  Indians  at  the  war  dance,  show  by  signs 
and  words  that  they  rejoice  at  your  downfall.  Like 
vultures,  they  are  glad  of  an  opportunity  to  feast 
upon  the  carrion  spots  of  your  character,  repeating 
in  loud  tones  so  that  everybody  can  hear  them 
within  reach  of  their  voice,  all  your  shortcomings 
and  drawbacks,  while  they  cover  with  the  slime  of 
suspicion,  the  bright,  healthy  and  true  spots  of  a 
noble  soul  that  has  been  forced  by  circumstances 
to  wallow  in  the  mire  of  public  opinion.  Instead 
of  playing  the  part  of  the  good  Samaritan,  they 
will  satiate  their  savage  nature  by  putting  their 
foot  upon  you  and  sinking  you  deeper  in  the  mud. 
If  the  milk  of  their  human  kindness  was  churned, 
it  would  turn  into  limburger  cheese.  Doctor,"  said 
Abner,  "  there  is  nothing  succeeds  like  success. 
Had  George  Washington  been  compelled  to  sur- 
render to  General  Burgoyne,  instead  of  being  made 
President,  he  would  have  been  exalted  on  the  limb 
of  a  tree,  like  a  dog,  or  shot  as  a  traitor,  and  would 
go  down  in  history  the  same  as  Jeff  Davis  did — a 
full-fledged  traitor  and  rebel — but  fortune  favored 
him,  for  through  the  eloquent  efforts  of  Edmund 
Burke,  the  failure  to  supply  the  sinews  of  war  was 
accomplished.  King  George  could  not  fit  out  men 
on  prairie  wind  or  mountain  storm,  consequently, 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  207 

the  immortal  George's  efforts  were  crowned  with 
success,  and  he  is  now  reverently  called  '  the  father 
of  his  country,  the  leader  of  his  people  out  of 
bondage;  the  Yankee  Moses.'  The  bands  now  at 
the  mere  mention  of  his  name,  play  '  Hail  to  the 
Chief.'  Again,  I  say,  '  Nothing  succeeds  like  suc- 
cess.' " 

"  Well,  I  hate  such  people,  don't  you,  Abner  ?  " 
"  Oh,  yes,  but  if  we  hate  all  that  kind,  we  will 
hate  about  fifty  per  cent,  of  all  the  people,  but  there 
are  some  good  yet  on  the  earth;  all  are  not  base, 
deceitful  and  selfish;  all  are  not  living  for  them- 
selves alone.  While  Albany  has  its  Pruyns,  Millers 
and  Swartz,  it  also  has  its  good  and  just  men  like 
George  Addington;  its  faithful,  honorable  and  true 
men  like  Joseph  A.  Murphy;  its  whole-souled  men 
like  the  Rev.  Dr.  Terry;  its  charitable  men,  like 
James  Teneyke;  its  representative,  upright  and 
prosperous  business  men,  like  Albert  J.  Wing  and 
P.  J.  McArdle ;  its  pious  men,  like  the  two  Bishops 
and  Dr.  Lawrence.  You  see  there  is  some  good 
left  yet,  in  Albany.  I  tell  you,  doctor,  you  need 
not  be  ashamed  of  the  old  city,  or  be  cast  down 
because  it  is  seemingly  dead.  Remember  it  had  its 
Swinbourne  in  its  medical  profession,  the  acknowl- 
edged leader  of  the  world  in  surgery.  It  had  its 
brilliant,  sagacious  and  ever  reliable  Eugene  Bur- 
lingame,  among  the  members  of  its  bar.  It  had  its 
James  A.  McClure  and  Joseph  Feary  among  its 


208  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

merchants.  It  had  its  Callacott,  Dawson,  Rooker 
and  Farrell  among  its  editors.  It  had  its  Bleekers, 
Jermaines  and  Whites,  and  a  host  of  other  good 
and  true  men,  among  its  citizens  in  the  past.  Cheer 
up,  doctor,  she  is  not  yet  beyond  redemption.  There 
is  yet  enough  leaven  in  her  to  rise  to  the  occasion. 
She  will  yet  show  those  who  now  keep  her  in  bond- 
age that  she  has  life  and  will  live  and  prosper  when 
they  are  dead  and  gone  to  their  reward." 

"  Now,  Abner,  who  do  you  think  of  all  the 
earth,  comes  nearest  your  ideal  man  and  woman  ?  " 

"  Well,  doctor,  there  are  several.  In  the  female 
world,  I  think  the  present  Queen  of  England  is  an 
ideal  wife  and  mother;  so  is  also  the  wife  of  the 
Czar  of  Russia,  but  the  queen  of  all  queens,  in  my 
humble  opinion,  is  that  personification  of  all  that 
is  good,  holy,  true,  patriotic,  kind,  motherly,  open- 
hearted  and  handed,  a  noble,  indefatigable  worker 
for  the  amelioration  of  the  unfortunate,  the  dis- 
tressed and  the  afflicted,  Miss  Helen  Gould  of  New 
York  City.  It  may,  I  am  sure,  be  said  in  all  truth- 
fulness of  her :  '  Many  have  done  nobly,  but  thou 
excellest  them  all.'  She  does  not  think,  hint  or  say 
she  is  of  aristocratic  lineage ;  she  acknowledges  her 
first  parents  were  turned  out  of  the  garden  of  Eden 
for  dishonesty  and  disobedience,  for  fear  they 
would  partake  of  the  tree  of  life  and  live  forever 
and  thus  escape  punishment  for  their  evil  deeds. 
To  believe  she  is  of  aristocratic  birth,  she  would 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  209 

have  to  believe  as  do  New  York's  Four  Hundred, 
that  they  did  not  come  of  one  common  parent  with 
the  poor,  whose  forefather  was  taken  from  a  mud- 
pile  or  claybank,  but  originated  from  baboons,  apes 
and  monkeys  and  advanced  through  the  laws  of 
evolution  from  that  state,  and  I  tell  you,  doctor, 
they  haven't  changed  as  much  as  they  think  from 
their  forefathers.  Evolution,  if  it  never  makes 
more  rapid  strides  than  it  has  in  their  case,  will 
never  run  off  the  track  on  account  of  speed.  She 
realizes  her  body  is  of  clay,  the  same  as  all  who 
confess  Adam  and  Eve  their  first  parents.  The 
only  difference  is,  her  heart  and  soul  are  aristocratic 
in  that  they  have  grown  in  goodness  and  purity, 
and  it  is  they  that  exalt  her  above  her  fellows.  She 
has,  indeed,  a  body  the  same  as  all  men  and  women 
have,  subject  to  all  the  ills  flesh  is  heir  to,  but  a 
soul  of  spotless  purity  and  goodness,  whose  delight 
and  nutriment  is  in  acts  of  kindness,  following  the 
example  of  her  Divine  Master,  going  about  from 
day  to  day,  doing  good,  quietly  and  unostenta- 
tiously, not  letting  her  left  hand  know  what  her 
right  hand  doeth.  Now,  in  my  opinion,  the  late 
lamented  and  beloved  President  was  the  nearest  the 
ideal  man  of  any  who  ever  trod  the  earth,  since 
Adam  and  Eve  lived  on  the  banks  of  the  Euphrates. 
He  was  next  to  our  divine  Redeemer,  and  I  think 
history  will — and  if  it 'gives  him  his  due  surely 
must — accord  him  a  place  next  to  Him.  His  char- 


210  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

acter  was  most  sublime  and  beautiful.  Brave  as  a 
lion  in  the  tour  of  danger,  patriotic,  kind  and  gen- 
tle as  a  woman,  forgiving  his  enemies — even  to  the 
cowardly  assassin  who  fired  the  fatal  shot — faithful 
to  his  friends,  true  to  all  trusts  committed  to  his 
keeping  by  an  appreciative  people. 

"  Second  to  him  is  Andrew  Carnegie,  the  world- 
renowned  philanthropist,  whose  interest  in  the  edu- 
cation of  his  fellow  man  is  not  confined  to  one  coun- 
try or  kingdom.  From  the  heath-clad  hills  of 
Scotland,  to  the  orange  groves  of  Florida,  can  be 
found  substantial  proof  of  the  interest  he  takes  in 
the  education  and  uplifting  of  his  fellow-men. 
Many  men  have  given  as  much  as  he  to  sectarian 
institutions,  but  his  broad  mind  and  noble  soul 
suggest  that  he  draw  no  line  between  the  sons  of 
Adam.  He  also  shows  a  good  example  in  giving 
while  he  is  alive,  so  that  he  may  see  some  fruits 
from  his  philanthropy.  When  many  millionaires 
are  dead  and  long-ago  forgotten,  the  name  of 
Andrew  Carnegie  will  be  written  indelibly  upon 
numerous  educational  institutions  and  libraries. 
He  is  a  true  type  of  the  man  who  received  the  ten 
talents  in  the  parable — he  is  returning  them  with 
interest,  and  his  reward  will  be,  '  Well  done,  thou 
good  and  faithful  servant.'  " 

"  Abner,  in  all  that  you  have  said,  I  agree.  Oh, 
by  the  way,  Abner,  did  you  know  T.  Ritchie  ?  " 

"  Yes,  I  did." 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  211 

"Didn't  he  fail?" 

"Oh,  yes,  he  was  unfortunate  in  making  poor 
investments,  which  brought  about  his  ruin.  He 
married  a  widow  whom  he  thought  was  rich,  think- 
ing she  would  help  him,  but,  when  he  asked  her  for 
assistance,  she  axed  him.  A  railroad  contractor, 
also,  sold  him  a  gold  brick  in  the  shape  of  contracts 
to  supply  shoes  and  rubbers  to  his  men.  He  cashed 
his  checks  and  discounted  his  notes,  both  of  which 
proved  to  be  worthless,  and  helped  him  on  his  run 
downward.  In  his  dilemma  he  became  frightened 
and  fled,  first  having  offered  to  his  creditors  fifty 
per  cent,  on  his  indebtedness,  but  Leoanda,  of  the 
National  Shoe  and  Leather  Exchange,  thought  he 
smelled  a  little  oil  in  the  deal  for  himself,  so  he 
threatened  to  refuse  the  offer  of  fifty  cents  if  not 
accompanied  by  an  additional  ten  per  cent,  for  him- 
self, on  the  quiet.  Thus  Leoanda  sacrificed  the 
interests  of  those  who  were  foolish  enough  to 
entrust  him  to  represent  them.  If  he  could  not  get 
his  ten  per  cent,  he  was  willing  the  creditors  should 
not  get  anything.  How  much  better  for  those 
creditors  if  they  had  taken  a  half-loaf,  than  no 
bread.  Had  they  kept  the  case  in  their  own  hands, 
they  would  have  received,  without  expense,  fifty  or 
fifty-two  and  a  half  cents  on  the  dollar.  Wouldn't 
that  have  been  better  than  to  pay  Leoanda,  who  was 
instrumental  in  knocking  them  out  of  all?  But  I 
think  their  loss  was  money  well  invested;  it  will 


212  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

aid  in  teaching  them  to  keep  their  own  hands  on 
the  helm,  and  pilot  their  own  ship  through  stormy 
seas  as  well  as  calm.  If  they  do  not  land  all  the 
cargo,  they  will  always  be  on  the  ground  and  their 
self-interest  will  suggest  to  them  if  they  cannot  save 
all,  save  what  they  can." 

"  Well,  Abner,  according  to  your  statement  of 
the  Ritchie  case,  those  commercial  agencies  are 
nothing  more  nor  less  than  mercantile  buzzards, 
who  live  and  fatten  without  effort  on  the  bodies,  or 
cash  account,  I  should  say,  of  their  clients  or  fallen 
creditors.  When  I  was  in  Albany  last,  there  was 
a  wholesale  shoe  dealer,  whose  indebtedness  was 
about  a  hundred  and  sixteen  thousand,  while  his 
actual  assets  were  a  hundred  and  ten  thousand, 
making  enough  to  pay  about  ninety-two  and  a  half 
cents  on  the  dollar  of  his  indebtedness.  These 
commercial  agencies  and  their  lawyers  got  their 
hands  upon  the  assets,  and  I  learned  from  reliable 
sources,  that  the  creditors,  who  should  have  received 
ninety-two  and  a  half  cents  on  the  dollar  had  to 
be  content  with  less  than  twenty  cents  on  the  dollar. 
This  should  be  an  object  lesson  to  all  manufactur- 
ers and  wholesalers  to  settle  their  differences  with 
their  creditors  direct,  and  save  the  assets  for  them- 
selves from  the  rapacious  maw  of  these  unprinci- 
pled, and  as  Reynalds,  one  of  the  creditors,  said, 
commercial  sharks.  He  seemed  thankful  to  get 
anything  out  of  it,  for,  at  one  time,  he  thought  the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  213 

lawyers's  fees  and  the  bills  manufactured  by  the 
commercial  agencies,  would  more  than  gobble  up 
the  total  assets.  In  the  language  of  Puck,  '  What 
fools  these  mortals  be.' ' 

The  bell  now  rang  for  dinner. 

"  Come,"  said  the  doctor,  "  let  us  see  how  the 
cotton-tails  will  go."  All  got  seated,  and  I  assure 
you,  it  didn't  take  much  coaxing  or  whetting  of 
appetites,  to  put  the  hunters  in  humor  for  the  meal. 

Dinner  over,  the  hunters  once  more  repaired  to 
the  library,  where  they  continued  to  discuss  the 
present,  past  and  future.  After  passing  the  cigars, 
the  doctor  said: 

"  Well,  gentlemen,  Abner  thinks  that  Moses 
played  him  a  mean  trick.  Just  listen  to  what  a  man 
did  to  me  the  other  day,  and  you  will  think  the 
trick  played  on  Abner  was  a  favor  compared  to  it. 
For  several  years  past  I  have  attended,  without  fee 
or  reward,  the  family  of  an  engineer  on  Broadway. 
He  complained  to  me  that  he  was  unable  to  pay  his 
bill,  on  account  of  the  small  wages  he  earned.  I 
told  him  that  I  posted  his  bill  on  the  ice  in  the  box, 
and  that  I  didn't  expect  him,  in  his  poverty  and 
trouble,  to  pay  me  anything.  I  freely  forgave  him 
all  he  owed  me  and  told  him  that  I  would  continue 
to  attend  his  family  in  the  future,  as  I  had  in  the 
past,  and  that  he  should  not  worry  over  his  inability 
to  pay  me.  My  dog  Fido,  the  Irish  setter,  some- 
times followed  me,  when  making  my  forenoon 


214  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

visits.  A  week  ago  he  followed  me  into  this  man's 
house,  and  when  they  got  him  there  they  closed 
the  door  on  him ;  consequently,  he  could  not  get  out. 
I  searched  all  over  for  him,  advertised,  notified  the 
police,  sheriff  and  deputy,  and  offered  rewards  for 
his  return,  but  Fido  did  not  come.  Yesterday 
morning  Fido  came  rushing  into  my  office.  He 
got  between  my  feet,  and,  on  looking  down  at  him 
I  noticed  a  collar  on  which  was  a  man's  name,  street 
and  number.  I  at  once  addressed  a  note  to  the 
man,  asking  him  why  he  put  his  collar  on  my  dog, 
and  a  reply  came  enclosing  a  receipt  for  the  money 
that  he  paid  this  ungrateful  creature  for  my  dog. 
He  paid  him  forty  dollars.  I  at  once  got  a  warrant 
out  for  him,  but  as  he  was  sick  in  bed  with  fever 
they  could  not  serve  it  on  him.  Today  I  am 
informed  he  returned  the  money,  and  as  I  have 
my  dog,  the  matter,  I  presume,  will  be  dropped. 
That  was  gratitude  of  a  peculiar  form — the  grati- 
tude which  the  serpent  showed  its  benefactor." 

"  Well,"  said  Abner,  "  as  this  is  an  experience 
meeting,  I  will  let  you  have  one  of  mine,  and  if  you 
do  not  think  the  ingrate  meaner  and  lower  than  the 
boss  of  Sheol,  I  will  miss  my  guess." 

"  Well,  Abner,  let  us  have  the  cyclone.  Perhaps 
we  ought,  first,  have  a  little  of  Mumm's  extra  dry 
so  as  to  moisten  the  story  and  keep  the  sulphur 
in  it  from  burning  up  the  place." 

"  I  second  the  motion,"  said  Mr.  Harper. 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  215 

The  motion  being  moved  and  seconded,  the  wine 
bottle  was  laid  on  the  table,  and  soon  its  contents 
were  blinding  the  eyes  of  the  jack  rabbit  gone 
before.  That  part  of  the  programme  being  over, 
the  doctor  said: 

"  Your  experience,  Abner,  is  in  order." 
"  Well,"  said  Abner,  "  about  four  years  ago  I 
was  in  my  office,  when  a  gentleman  with  sandy 
complexion  and  dark  hair  entered.  I  said,  '  Good 
morning,'  and  with  a  downward  look,  he  answered, 
'  Good  morning,'  adding,  '  Can  I  see  you  for  a 
moment  ? '  I  replied,  '  Certainly,'  and  pointing  to 
a  seat,  said :  '  Please  be  seated  until  I  look  over 
this  mail.'  I  hurried  to  get  through  so  as  not  to 
detain  him  any  longer  than  was  necessary.  '  Now 
I  am  ready ;  what  is  troubling  you  this  morning  ?'  I 
said.  He  replied :  '  Well,  I  am  thinking  of  going 
into  the  shoe  business,  in  Mount  Pleasant,  Schenec- 
tady  County,  New  York.  My  name  is  James  A. 
Lindsey,  and  I  wish  to  see  if  you  will  sell  me  some 
goods.'  I  sold  him  the  bill  of  goods  and  he  paid  me 
for  it.  He  bought  several  bills  afterwards,  for 
which  he  paid.  After  a  while,  he  had  a  misunder- 
standing with  some  rough  characters,  and  they  set 
fire  to  his  place  and  stole  his  goods.  He  got  his 
insurance,  all  of  which  he  paid  me,  for  the  goods 
he  had  already  received  from  me.  He  sent  some  of 
the  men  to  States  prison  for  the  offense.  When  he 
did,  their  comrades  vowed  vengeance  that  they 


216  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

would  have  revenge  on  him  for  sending  their  pals 
to  the  toils.  Time  rolled  on,  when  he  again  came 
into  the  office,  said  he  was  about  to  increase  his 
business,  and  asked  if  I  would  extend  him  some 
credit;  that  he  would  pay  two  thousand  dollars 
down  and  after  his  brother-in-  law's  death,  which  he 
hoped  would  soon  take  place,  would  pay  two 
thousand  five  hundred  more.  On  the  strength  of 
these  statements  I  gave  him  nine  thousand  dollars 
worth  of  goods.  His  brother-in-law  died  soon 
after,  but  he,  being  absent-minded,  forgot  all  about 
his  promise  to  pay  me  the  money  received  from  the 
insurance  company  on  account  of  his  brother-in- 
law's  death." 

"  Too  much  brother-in-law  again,"  chimed  in  the 
doctor. 

"After  a  few  months  had  elapsed  his  store  was 
burned  to  the  ground;  his  means  of  support  wiped 
out,  and  his  wife  and  children  were  hungry.  He 
had  his  goods  fully  insured,  but  the  insurance  com- 
pany refused  to  pay  the  face  of  the  policy  on 
account  of  him  having  a  mortgage  upon  the  stock. 
The  case  was  fought  in  the  courts  for  over  a  year. 
He  first  took  it  to  Hastings  and  Schoolcraft,  who, 
also,  while  being  retained  by  him,  took  the  side  of 
the  insurance  company.  He  then  took  it,  Upon  my 
recommendation,  to  Randall  J.  Leboeuf,  who  fougfet 
it  for  him.  While  all  this  was  going  on,  I  was 
giving  him  twenty-five  dollars  a  week  to  keep 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  217 

starvation  and  want  from  himself  and  family.  What 
do  you  think  did  this  ungrateful  brute  do,  but  go 
to  the  insurance  company  in  my  absence,  tell  them 
that  if  they  gave  him  his  two  thousand  dollars  and 
five  hundred  dollars  for  his  lawyer's  fees,  he  would 
sell  me  out.  He  received  his  cash  from  the  in- 
surance companies,  for  which  he  bought  a  farm, 
putting  it  in  his  wife's  name.  He  then  went 
through  the  bankrupt  court,  in  order  to  shut  me 
out  from  collecting  my  debts  against  him." 

They  all  agreed  that  this  ungrateful  wretch  was 
the  lowest  specimen  of  his  race,  and  should  be 
ostracised  by  all  respectable  citizens;  his  name 
blotted  from  the  roll  of  humanity  and  entered  in 
the  books  in  the  rattlesnake  world. 

"  So  mote  it  be,"  said  the  doctor.  "  Well,  never 
mind,  Abner;  let  bye-gones  be  bye-gones.  When 
yet  get  the  beautiful  widow  on  Atlantic  Avenue 
you'll  soon  forget  all  the  reptiles  you  have  met  in 
your  past  life;  the  clouds  will  all  have  been  rolled 
by,  and  the  sunshine  of  happiness  and  contentment, 
will,  we  all  hope,  forever  dwell  upon  a  sanctified 
home,  made  so  by  truth,  and  true  affection,  and  may 
no  brother-in-law  ever  again  desecrate  your  home 
with  his  presence.  Good  bye." 


CONCLUSION. 


In  the  preceding  pages,  I  have  given  a  description 
of  one  of  the  many  rattlesnakes  found  in  the  Cal- 
ifornia mountains.  Mrs.  C.  F.  Klise,  Clarinda, 
Iowa,  who  is  a  woman  above  the  average  intelli- 
gence and  travel,  was  pleased  to  call  me  down  in 
the  following  words: 

"  Did  you  ever  see  a  rattlesnake  ?  I  have  killed 
them,  and  I  found  that  they  carried  one  front  fang, 
and  not  the  silken,  fine  teeth  that  you  describe." 

Fearing  that  there  might  be  others  who  have  seen 
only  one  kind  of  rattler,  I  would  say  that  there  are 
over  one  hundred,  all  differing  in  the  shape  of  the 
head  and  teeth.  These  various  characters,  with 
the  exception  of  the  Aproterodontes,  which  refer  to 
the  under  jaw,  have  reference  to  the  upper  jaw 
only.  I  fear  it  would  be  dry  reading  to  enter  into 
a  minute  description  of  all  which  came  across  my 
path.  Sufficient  for  the  present  purpose  to  show 
that  such  varieties  exist  and  that  it  is  much  safer  to 
keep,  at  least,  ten  feet  of  mother  earth  between 
you  and  any  reptile.  Now,  the  rattler  with  the 
fine  teeth,  is  disarmed  in  the  following  manner: 
We  put  a  forked  stick  (down  on  his  body  near  the 
head,  pinning  him  to  the  ground,  then  allowed  him 
to  bite  at  a  silk  handkerchief,  and  in  that  way,  we 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  219 

pulled  out  all  his  teeth  and  rendered  him  harmless. 
Some  harmless  snakes  have  fangs,  that  is  to  say, 
fang-like  teeth,  but  not  connected  with  any  poison 
gland,  and  at  the  back,  instead  of  the  front  jaw. 
Again,  there  are  some  nonvenomous  species  that 
have  the  power  of  moving  these  fang-like  teeth, 
raising  or  depressing  them,  as  vipers  move  their 
fangs  and  as  will  be  further  described  presently. 
Some  grooved  teeth  convey  an  acrid  saliva;  others 
have  not  any  modification  of  the  saliva,  the  long 
teeth  being  of  use  in  holding  thick-skinned  prey. 
Thus,  we  find  every  gradation,  both  in  number  and 
form,  until  we  come  to  the  terror — the  murderous 
tooth  of  the  terrible  cobra  of  California.  In  some 
of  the  snakes  the  teeth  are  so  fine  as  to  be  almost 
imperceptible  to  the  naked  eye.  To  the  touch  they 
feel  like  points  of  the  finest  pins.  Nicholson  gives 
the  following  four  stages :  First,  the  fangs  of  the 
harmless  snakes,  which  have  no  poison  gland,  but 
whose  saliva  is  injurious;  secondly,  those  having  a 
salivary  gland  secreting  poison  and  a  grooved  fang 
in  front  of  some  simple  teeth ;  thirdly,  the  maxiliary 
bone  shorter,  bearing  one  poison  fang  with  a  perfect 
canal,  with  one  or  two  teeth  behind  it;  fourthly, 
the  maxiliary  bone  so  reduced  as  to  be  higher  than 
long,  containing  only  a  single  tooth.  The  poison 
gland,  after  all,  is  only  a  modified  salivary  gland; 
it  lies  behind  the  eye,  whence  the  venom  is  con- 
veyed by  a  duct  to  the  base  of  the  fang,  down  along 


220  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

and  sometimes  through  it  and  is  emitted  at  what 
we  may  for  the  present  call  the  point,  into  the 
wound  made  by  it — something  on  the  principle  of 
an  insect's  sting;  as,  when  inserting  the  sting,  the 
pressure  forces  the  poison  out  of  a  gland  at  its 
base,  so  does  the  pressure  of  certain  muscles  act 
upon  the  poison  gland,  when  a  snake  opens  its 
mouth  to  strike.  In  some  of  the  most  venomous, 
viz.,  the  viperine  families,  the  largely  developed 
glands  give  that  peculiar  breadth  to  the  head. 
There  is  a  hideous,  repulsive  look  about  some  of 
these  that  seem  to  announce  their  deadly  character, 
even  to  those  who  see  one  for  the  first  time.  The 
evil  expression  of  the  eye,  the  devilish  curve  of  the 
mouth,  with  its  wide  gap  downwards  and  then  up 
again,  are  unmistakably  treacherous,  venomous, 
vicious.  Like  all  other  animal  secretions,  poison 
is  produced,  expended  and  renewed,  but  not  always 
with  equal  rapidity,  climate,  season  and  temperature 
as  well  as  the  vigor  of  the  villain  influencing  the 
secretion;  the  hotter  the  weather,  the  more  active 
the  serpent.  When  the  poison  gland  is  full  and  the 
old  boy  angry,  you  may  see  the  venom  flowing 
from  the  points  of  the  silken  teeth  or  deadly  horned 
fang,  and  by  a  forcible  expiration,  the  reptile  can 
eject  it.  I  have  seen  this  in  some  species,  when 
angry.  They  will  strike  at  you  with  the  sound  like 
a  sneeze  or  spit,  sending  out  their  forked  flaming 
tongue  and  gnashing  their  mobile  fangs,  letting 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  221 

you  see  they  have  a  good  stock  of  the  venom  on 
hand,  and  it  is  at  your  service.  They  may  almost 
be  said  to  spit  at  you,  though  literally,  it  is  the 
mouth  running  with  poison,  combined  with  a  natural 
impulse  to  strike,  which  produces  this  effect.  We 
can,  however,  by  this,  judge  of  the  force  with  which 
the  venom  is  thrown  at  you.  Some  travellers  tell 
us  that  serpents  spout  poison  into  your  eye.  If  an 
angry  one  strike  and  miss  its  aim,  the  poisons  then 
seem  to  fly  from  its  mouth,  sometimes  to  a  distance 
of  several  feet. 

C.  C.  Hopely  writes  that  the  most  popular  and 
perhaps  the  most  obtainable  of  all  remedies  for  the 
cure — if  any  cure  there  is — is  alcohol.  No  wonder 
the  backwoodsmen  resort  to  this,  which,  without 
any  chopping  off  of  ringers  or  toes,  personal  pyro- 
technics, or  other  local  tortures,  deadens  his  sen- 
sibility, renders  him  unconscious  of  suffering,  and 
sends  him  into  a  happy  obliviousness  of  danger.  It 
is  not  a  refined  mode  of  treatment,  nor  one  that 
presents  many  opportunities  of  exhibiting  profes- 
sional skill;  and  it  is,  no  doubt,  somewhat  deroga- 
tory to  admit  that  to  become  dead  drunk  is  an 
effective  remedy  against  snake  venom.  Other  old 
and  inelegant  remedies  we  hear  of  as  practiced  by 
the  bushmen  of  South  Africa  and  savage  tribes 
elsewhere,  but  revolting  in  the  hands  of  refined 
practitioners.  Deference  to  science,  and  loyalty 
to  the  profession  demands  some  more  elaborate 


222  TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW. 

means ;  yet,  the  efficacy  of  whisky  or  brandy  is  ad- 
mitted by  most  people,  and  the  pioneer  who  has  not 
a  doctor  within  miles  of  him,  has  his  demijohn  of 
whisky  at  hand.  During  a  sojourn  in  Iowa,  some 
years  ago,  when  wild  and  uncleared  lands  formed 
the  streets  of  the  town  in  which  I  was  staying,  it 
was  by  no  means,  an  infrequent  occurrence  to  hear 
of  rattlesnake  bites.  "  What  was  done  to  the  man  ? 
Is  he  alive  ?  "  were  questions  naturally  asked.  "  He 
drank  a  quart  of  whisky  and  got  dead  drunk." 
Generally,  a  quart  had  the  desired  effect — that  is, 
of  causing  intoxication.  Persons  unused  to  intoxi- 
cants might  be  affected  by  a  less  quantity,  but  so 
violent  is  the  combat  between  venom  and  whisky, 
that  a  large  dose  must  be  swallowed  before  any 
effects,  at  all,  are  produced.  In  the  Southern  and 
hotter  States,  it  was  similarly  used.  Indeed,  a 
planter  himself  told  me  that  Sambo  would  some- 
times prick  his  hand  or  foot  with  a  thorn  and  cry- 
ing out,  "  Rattlesnake,  Massa,"  fall  into  well- 
assumed  agonies,  preferring  drunkenness  to  cotton 
picking;  but,  when  the  fraud  was  detected  and  less 
enticing  remedies  were  adopted,  rattlesnake  bites 
became  less  frequent. 

Another  cure  for  it  is  to  poultice  the  wound  with 
salaratus  and  drink  brandy.  It  is  important  to 
impress  on  the  reader  lest  from  the  cures  above 
given,  I  appear  to  argue  that  snake  bite  is  not  so 
serious,  after  all.  Notwithstanding  these  cures,  the 


TOO    MUCH    BROTHER-IN-LAW.  223 

South  Americans,  in  the  midst  of  the  most  deadly 
serpents,  fly  to  their  tent  and  prepare  for  death. 
Explorers  tell  us  they  lay  themselves  down  to  die, 
when  bitten  by  certain  snakes.  They  are  said  to 
resign  hope,  when  bitten  by  the  Peruvian  viper.  In 
these  cases,  the  symptoms  show  an  exhaustion  of 
the  nerve  centers  and  decomposition  of  the  blood. 
This  venom  appears  to  be  an  indestructible  fluid. 
Toxically,  it  remains  unaltered  whether  boiled  or 
frozen,  or  mixed  with  the  strongest  corrosives.  Mix 
it  with  water,  alcohol  or  blood,  it  is  still  injurious. 
The  blood  of  an  animal  killed  by  a  bite,  if  injected 
into  the  veins  of  another  animal,  kills  that  one  also 
and  the  blood  of  the  second  is  fatal  to  the  third  and 
the  third  to  the  fourth  and  so  on.  Frayrer  found 
that  no  less  than  nine  creatures  could  be  affected 
by  one  cobra.  A  dog,  a  pigeon  and  seven  fowls 
were  bitten  and  all  died.  The  professional  snake 
men  who  are  looked  on  as  so  brave,  never  have  a 
cobra  in  their  possession  with  the  fatal  fang.  As 
before  hinted,  it  is  just  as  safe  to  give  them  all  a 
wide  berth,  for,  what  is  known  as  the  mocassin 
snake  in  Virginia,  may  be  harmless,  while  one  of 
the  same  name  in  Mexico,  may  have  the  deadly 
drop. 


OF  THE 

UNIVERSITY 


•H 
O 
O 


A     000039838 


